Who Wants To Live Forever...

Baby I Know Where This Road Leads...But I'm Walking - Part 2

21st September 1986

Windlesham

Brian's POV

"So it's all made from strange objects; pieces of junk really." I explained as I held up my guitar.  Pointing to different parts of it and advising what it was made from.  A fireplace, a saddle bag holder, a knitting needle, motorbike valve springs; a piece of shelf edging; mother of pearl buttons.  My Dad mentioned I had made the knobs myself. 

"I always know when Brian has put a bit on somebody else's record."  My Dad stated as the camera focused on us both.   "Even if he hasn't  told me...I know."  he said as I grinned at his remark.  Feeling a touch proud as he spoke. "I know it's this guitar!"  he emphasized.  Tapping the instrument.

We continued talking some more about the history of Red and then Rudi, the film director, advised he probably had what he wanted for the film.  Rudi had requested my Dad and I talk about how we built my guitar for the Queen documentary he was creating for the band.  My Dad had come out to my country house so we could film it.  Rudi and his crew left and I showed my Dad what I had done with the house since he had first seen it.  Right after I bought it.  I made a point of showing him the room where I had placed the things I had from my childhood.

"See...I've still got my teddy bear and there is where I'm keeping my old telescope."  I explained as I showed him the room that held the earliest keepsakes from my life.  Hoping he might be proud of the reminder of where I had been and how far I had come.

"You're sentimental. You keep everything. Just like your Mother."  my father remarked as he looked around.  I almost laughed.

"I could say the same of you." I argued. "Maybe you're not as sentimental, but you do hang onto things." I pointed out.  

"I guess I do."  my father admitted.  Letting out a small laugh.  "Why don't we have a walk?"  he suggested.  

"Sure."  I responded and led him out the back and onto the grounds.   We walked towards a path that led into the wooded area.  The cloudy day making it feel cool and the promise of rain was evident in the air. Being in my father's company was comforting.  While the rest of my personal life was in disarray it was lovely to spend some quiet time with him.

"Any chance that you are going to get back with Chrissie?"  my father suddenly inquired as we strolled together.

"I don't think so."  I answered honestly.  "She wants a marriage and everything that comes with that."  I elaborated.  "I can't give her that."    He seemed to understand that by the expression on he wore on his face.  

"Is there a possibility that you and Roger can find a way to get back together?"  he then questioned.  I had to admit I was surprised by this.  

"I want nothing more."  I told him.  "But his father seems determined to keep us apart and Roger has found a situation that suits him." I said frankly.

"I am sure that Roger would be with you if his father wasn't in the way."  my father surmised.

"But his father is in the way."  I reminded him.  "And the more that time passes, the more I feel like what we had is withering away."  I confessed.

"He loves you Brian. Of that I am certain!" my father insisted.  I found it so ironic that a man who had immense objections to my being with a man was somehow now hoping we would get back together.

"I love him too. But our situation is complicated."  I said as my father slowed down and stopped to look at the clearing nearby.  I imagined he was going to pull his cigarettes out and light one.  The packet of cigarettes were extracted from his pocket but he placed one on his lips and then made no effort to get his lighter.  The cigarette just sat there unlit and dangling.