Who Wants To Live Forever...

My Heart Got Hijacked By You - Part 2

8th September 1986

France

Roger's POV

"Bloody rain..."  I complained as I sat in the sunroom of the villa we were staying in.  The view was normally spectacular.  Today it was awash in a heavy downpour.  Blurring my sight of the beach and the ocean.  Leaving me to watch Dom and Tigs and Rory.  We were all relaxing after lunch and had hoped to spend more time on the beach.  The storm had rolled in and ruined our plans. 

"Summer is really over..."  Dom reminded me as she nursed Rory.  Felix was napping in his room.

"School starts in two weeks..."  Tigs chimed in.  Another reminder that the warm weather was fading out.

"I know..."  I replied.  Sounding disenchanted about it.  I watched as Tiger Lily leaned over and switched on her boom box.  Turning up the volume as the song started playing.  It was the new album from The Human League.  She was quite keen on it.  I found them likable.  Dom began singing along with Tigs as they listened.  I found myself joining in.  There was nothing else to do at the moment.

'I wouldn't ever try to hurt you
I just needed someone to hold me
To fill the void while you were gone
To fill this space of emptiness

I'm only human

Of flesh and blood, I'm made
Human
Born to make mistakes

So many nights I longed to hold you

So many times I looked and saw your face
Nothing could change the way I feel
No one else could ever take your place'

For some reason the words instantly made me think of Brian. Of how complicated and messy our lives had become.  Of how long we have had to live apart and try to snatch a few precious moments together.  How I truly wanted to just be back in the fold with my husband.  Living the life we should be living.  Together.  

I gazed at Dom and felt bad.  I truly cared for this woman.  She was an amazing person.  So generous and uncomplicated.  Mature and pragmatic.  And honest about her feelings.  It made being with her easy.  She knew the score and knew I loved her in my own way but belonged to Brian.  Dom was content that she was made a mother and had an odd family dynamic here without the complications of romantic entanglements.  I was so lucky this worked for her. For me.

With Dom as their mother, I felt hope for the future of our shared children.  Felix and Rory would be golden.  We could parent them in our own unique way and give them love and grounding and a feeling of security.  

I also saw how much Dom gave to Tigs.  Being a mother like figure in her life but also an older sister in some ways.  They enjoyed each others company and I was certain they loved one and other.  Mia had also found she liked working for Dom.  She was a strong and calm presence in our lives and Mia had warmed to her quickly.  Like most people did.  

Even Brian had admitted to me that he liked Dom.  Despite the problems that first arose when I met her, she had respected our relationship and been a support to us.   Brian realized she was not the real threat she once seemed.  Of course, that changed somewhat when he cornered me that day in the studio about my feelings for her.  I couldn't lie to him and admitted I did love her.  But it was nothing like the love I feel for him.  The passion and longing I have for my husband.  The giant void I feel in my heart and soul living without him next to me.  

I stopped singing and got up from my seat.  Walking out of the room and to the kitchen to get myself a drink.  Feeling the guilt I often felt rise up in me and needing to be alone with it as I grabbed the electric kettle and made tea.