Who Wants To Live Forever...

Baby I Know Where This Road Leads...But I'm Walking - Part 1

13th September 1986

London

Brian's POV

I felt a mixture of nerves and guilt as Chrissie's hired car pulled into the driveway.  I came out and saw the driver retrieving the bags from the boot and I rushed over.  Taking Louisa from Chrissie.   I kissed her sleeping head.  Glad to see her home safe and sound.  

"Hi..."  I said as Chrissie reached in the back and collected her handbag and the baby's bag.  

"Hi..." she replied.  We walked up to the front door and the driver followed with the two bags.  He deposited them inside the foyer and I thanked him as he left.  I closed the door as I kept hold of Louisa.  Watching Chrissie as she stood and looked around.

"Your trip home go okay?"  I questioned.  I noticed she looked tired.  

"It was fine..."  she responded.  "I need to get her to bed..."  she remarked about Louisa.

"I can take her up..."  I assured her.  "Go ahead and get settled in and I'll put her down..." 

"Thanks..."  Chrissie told me as I headed upstairs.   I put Louisa down on the changing table as she woke up a little.  Putting a fresh nappy on her and then changing her into some pajamas.  I got her settled into bed and she fell right back asleep.  The trip probably wearing her out.  I switched off the light and went to the bedroom as I saw the light was on. Chrissie was standing at the bed going through the suitcases and making piles of laundry.  

"How are you doing?"  I asked her.  I went and sat on the edge of the bed as she sorted clothes.  She didn't answer right away and focused on the clothes.  She then stopped and looked at me.  

"I've been doing a lot of thinking Brian..."  she responded.  "After losing the baby I really needed to step away from things and decide what I want for my future..."  she conveyed.  

"What did you decide?"  I asked her.  I was prepared to offer to get her pregnant again if she wanted.  I felt I owed her that despite me not wanting to be here.  I was miserable but that didn't mean she had to be.   She had been so generous to me and it seemed like the right thing to do.

"I've decided I need things to change..."  Chrissie declared with a determined look.    "I can't keep doing this Brian..."  she told me.  Her face showing she was weary.  My guilt amplified.  

"You can't keep doing what exactly..."  I questioned.  Needing to understand what she meant.

"I can't continue our relationship that way it is..."  Chrissie answered.  "I do want to try for another baby but I only want that if we can make a real go of things..."  she explained.  My stomach started churning because I knew where she was headed.  "I don't want to continue being together unless we get married..."  she finally said.  A tinge of anger welled up in me.  I couldn't believe she was asking this.  We had a clear arrangement.

"Chrissie...I can't marry you...you know that..."  I responded bluntly.  "We already talked about this..."  I reminded her.  Her face fell a bit but then she seemed to form a stern expression.

"You can't marry me because you're already married...is that your reasoning?"  Chrissie questioned with a tone of indignance.  

"You know I'm married to Roger..."  I pointed out.   Her mouth went thin as she shoved some clothes around in the suitcase.  Her annoyance evident. 

"I don't understand why you remain loyal to him..."  Chrissie stated.   "And I can't believe you think that ceremony really counted!"  she argued.  "It wasn't valid or legal and your relationship with Roger has caused you nothing but misery!"  she criticized.  I saw red at her challenging the validity of what Roger and I shared.