Who Wants To Live Forever...

My Life Has Been Saved - Part 3

A/N - We now resume John's story.

-------------------------------------------

9th November 1987

London

Voyeur POV

John fumbled with the lock and finally managed to get the door open.  Cursing as he jammed his finger on the latch.  He sniffled a little as he closed the door.  Shuffling in the house and pulling off his coat. 

"Where have you been?"  he suddenly heard Ronnie ask from the shadows of the hallway.  He turned to see her step into view.  "I've been worried sick!"  she told him as John looked into the concerned face of his wife and burst into tears.  Everything from the evening overcoming him as he stepped closer to her and threw his arms around her.  

Ronnie instantly held him.  Taking note of the scent of alcohol on his breath and emanating from his body.  She wasn't surprised by it.  But she was saddened by it happening too often these days.  His dependence on drink to calm his nerves and help him cope with life becoming a real problem. 

"Talk to me."  Ronnie pleaded as John held onto her tightly.  "You don't talk to me anymore."  she said as John sighed and knew it was true.  He considered that what was plaguing him right now was something he never wanted to tell her.  Something that was akin to betrayal and deceit and might drive a wedge in their marriage that could possibly be the end of it.  He feared revealing it but knew the time had arrived to come clean about it.  If he got sick it would impact her and the children.  It would change everything.

"I've done something terrible Ronnie."  John finally blurted out as he clung to her.  "I've done something that you might never find forgivable."  he confessed as fresh tears sprung from his eyes.   Ronnie pulled back from John's grip and peered into his tear filled eyes.  

"You have to tell me what it is John."  Ronnie encouraged.  "Let me decide if it's forgivable."  she pointed out.  "Just tell me." she commanded as John nodded and stepped away from their embrace.  Wiping at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.  Ronnie took hold of his hand and walked down the hall to the kitchen.  Guiding John to a chair at the kitchen table as she went and switched on the coffee maker.  

He sat silently and watched as she prepared coffee for them both.  John well aware why she felt it was needed.  He wished like hell he had a drink right now.  Something much stronger than coffee.  Something to offer strength for what he was about to tell her.

Ronnie placed a mug of coffee in front of John and slipped into the chair next to him at the table.  Eyeing him intently and waiting.  

"I'm listening."  Ronnie finally said as she coaxed him to talk.  John took a sip of his coffee and then swallowed as his throat felt thick and his eyes stung from crying.  

"I need to confess something to you that happened a long time ago."  John stated as he struggled for the words.  Struggled with how to tell his wife about his affair.  About recent events that changed the entire dynamic of what that affair meant and means now.

"Go on."  Ronnie encouraged.  Keeping a neutral expression as she waited.  

"I...."  John said and felt his stomach twist up as he tried to utter the words he needed to say.  "I was unfaithful to you."  John finally managed as Ronnie's gaze remained steady.  Her eyes focused on John.  

"Go on."  Ronnie repeated as John took another sip of coffee.  Starting to feel it creeping into his lucidity.  The edge of the alcohol he consumed earlier starting to subside.  

"I had an affair with someone after we had started dating.  Started living together."  John divulged.  Watching Ronnie and waiting for her to react.  Unnerved when she remained stoic.  "It continued for a while but it ended when we got married."  he explained.  Hoping that offered some measure of comfort to her.