Who Wants To Live Forever...

We're Just Waiting For The Hammer To Fall - Part 1

6th September 1984

London/Surrey

Brian's POV

"I'll let you know what I decide..."  I told Dom as she looked at me intently.  She smiled and leaned over and pressed a kiss to my cheek.  

"I'll wait to hear from you then...good night..."  she said and slipped out of the car.  The driver waited until she had gone inside her building and he pulled out from the curb to drive me home.   I leaned back on my seat and replayed the conversation I just had with Dominique.  Her reasons for wanting a child and that she wanted Roger to father it for her.  She was aware of how we had Jimi so she knew how to make it happen.  And Roger doesn't know and she is asking me first.  I was equally complimented by this and beleaguered.  A million questions about how this would work ran through my head.  

I tried to imagine me saying yes and Roger and Dom sharing the experience of pregnancy and childbirth together.  Like I did with Clare.  I had loved it and sometimes wanted to do it again.  But Clare had missed a chance to have a baby of her own and it felt selfish to ask her to give me another baby when she didn't get her chance at real motherhood.  

Would Roger be as engaged with Dom if he wasn't going to be a big part of the child's life?  How would his Mother feel about another grandchild that she would never really see?  How would our children react to knowing Roger had another child that wasn't in their life?  How would my parents feel about this whole situation.  And how do I really feel about him getting involved like this with Dominique?  

My brain was addled by it all as the car dropped me off.  I went inside the house and was quiet as I went upstairs.  As I checked on Jimi and then Tiger Lily I thought about another child being in the picture.  If Dom had a baby and Roger did have some measure of involvement, would the child ever spend time here with its siblings?  How would they engage with a brother or sister they only saw infrequently?  Where would I fit into the picture with it all?  I gazed at Tiger Lily and imagined another blond child that resembled Roger.  It occurred to me that with Dom's dark coloring the child might not look as much like him.  Was that comforting to me?  It was so much to consider.  I gently closed my daughter's door and walked silently to my own room.  I had a feeling that sleep would elude me tonight.

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Roger's POV

"I think I'm going to make a solo record like you did!"  Rick told me as we both sat and enjoyed a last cigarette before we headed out of the party.  We had been drinking and watching the other party goers dancing and carrying on since Brian and Dom left.  About half of the guests were gone; including Ratty and Crystal and Freddie was getting ready to leave.  Deacy had left with Ronnie before Brian even did.  I took another sip of my vodka tonic as I listened to Rick tell me about his plans.  

"Well mine didn't fare too well...so good luck with yours mate!" I responded.  Still feeling the sting of disappointment at the lackluster response to my own album, Strange Frontier.  Rick patted my shoulder and gave me a moony-eyed look.

"Thanks Rog..."  he said in his sloppy drunk voice.  "You know....you're like a brother to me..."  he said as he leaned closer.  Our faces close together.  "You know that...right?"  he asked.  I found him endearing at times when he is so far gone.  I was practically nose to nose with him.

"I know...I'm the better looking one!"  I teased.  He shoved my face away and we both laughed.  "Let's get out of here..."  I replied and stood up to invite the idea we needed to go home.  Rick set his drink down and stood up clumsily.  I pulled my jacket on and he did the same.  I made sure I had my smokes and we began the walk to the exit.  I waved bye to Freddie from a distance and we stepped out into the cold night air.