Who Wants To Live Forever...

I Read It In The Papers...There's Death on Every Page...

11th November 1985

London

Deacy's POV

I had a lot on my mind and couldn't sleep.  Freddie and I had finished at the studio at 8 and I drove straight home.  I helped put the kids to bed and Ronnie needed to work on some Christmas cards, so I retired to my office to handle a few things until bedtime.  But I couldn't shake the events of today and my mind was racing with too many considerations.  

My attempt to read over some financials to make me tired proved fruitless.  I couldn't concentrate because looking at expenses with the names of the people on my mind just made me think about their problems.

The people most on my mind were Brian and Roger.  I was not surprised by their blow up at the studio today.  It seemed inevitable that things would come to blows when you live under that kind of pressure.  And I imagine Roger getting Dom pregnant again so quickly was not welcome news to Brian.  I worry that Brian might be at his breaking point.  He seems lost and miserable and apparently Chrissie is not the comfort and support he hoped she would be.  I always felt him being with her was a huge mistake but it isn't really my business.  I leave Freddie to meddle in their love life.  He enjoys all that drama a lot more than I do.

Roger certainly seems to have come out ahead though.  Despite it being his father who has wrecked things for them, our drummer always seems to land on his feet.  Dominique is a smart, beautiful and sophisticated woman.  I do wonder what she really sees in him.  He's a bit of a tosser as a boyfriend at times.  I guess he does make beautiful babies.

Despite Freddie's assurances that Queen was not in jeopardy due to the problems in the May/Taylor relationship, I somehow felt this would impact us in some manner.  Maybe we wouldn't break up, but it might create a lot of tension when we are working.  

And then there is Freddie.  It seems like his life is finally going his way.  Jim is just the kind of man he needs to make him happy.  I notice Freddie smiling a lot more these days and his overall demeanor is more settled.  The restlessness and desire for partying and excessive pleasures has diminished.  All good things in my book.  He certainly moved at a speed faster than I could manage for a while.  I am pleased to see him wanting domesticity and permanence with one man.  

But part of me was concerned about Phoebe's expression when I asked about Freddie's pills.  He didn't seem confident in his response to me about Freddie throat problems.  I know most singers have troubles.  You can't do what they do and not have the occasional strain or infection or glandular problem.  Freddie has long had troubles of this kind.  Phoebe has always had a positive attitude about these things and coddled Freddie.  Making sure he had what he needed and assured he would be back in top form in no time.  The fact that Phoebe seemed doubtful this time left me unnerved, but I didn't know why.

Maybe I am dwelling on the problems of my group as I tried to avoid the fact that my life overall still feels disjointed.  My time with Ronnie in Japan was happy and it helped us reconnect.  The problem was we left there and returned to the realities of our life.  To my erratic work schedule and playing the part of a rock star and Ronnie living a completely different existence from that world. 

I got up from my desk and walked to the corner cabinet in my office.  I pulled out the bottle I kept tucked in the back and poured some of it in my mug.  I returned to my desk and tried to pick up the financial reports again.  Hoping I could at least make sense of that if I couldn't make sense of anything else right now.

12th November

"I will see you at pick up..."  I told the children as they piled out of the car at their school. Robert, Michael and Laura waved to me as they headed for the school entrance.  I pulled out into traffic and headed for Queen's offices.