Who Wants To Live Forever...

All The Dreams We Had

A/N -  For those who feel this story has become one dreadful emotion filled situation after another.  Please hang in there.  We are edging closer to things improving for our boys.  Please endure the next few chapters and I am certain you will find the salvation you seek!  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

22nd September 1986

Surrey England

Brian's POV

I stood at the window and watched Roger's car drive away.  An emptiness filled me as the car disappeared and I turned to go back to the sofa.  Finding it still warm from his presence there.

I thought about what we had both said to each other.  Things that felt good but also things that had hurt.  One thought in particular made me reach for a scrap of paper on the table.  I grabbed a pen and began scribbling down what had entered my head.

Please don't go
Stay though it hurts you, I know
In the moonlight bright
And the shadows cold
You know you belong to me

It felt like the beginnings of a song and I was happy to at least get something out of my current misery.  I got up from the sofa and went to the kitchen.  Finding a bottle of wine and a few cans of beer remaining in the pantry.  I took a beer and headed back to my sofa.  My head full of words and my heart full of hurt.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roger's POV

I woke up late from a restless night and couldn't shake off Brian's state of mind and our entire situation.  I kept thinking back to his request just go public about our relationship.  The consideration had churned in my head over and over again.  How we might possibly be brave enough to do it.  But my practical side interfered every time and reminded me of the cost to other people if we did such a thing.

I finally pulled myself from bed and got on with my day.  Tigs was already at school and I spent some time with Felix and Rory before heading to my office to review my calendar for the next week.  As I looked over the upcoming diary entries I grimaced at what week it actually was.  My father's birthday was in a few days and I was instantly angry. It seemed entirely unfair that he was alive and well and Harold may not live to see his next birthday. 

The injustice of it made me slam my diary closed and I made a sound of disgust.  I reached for the packet of cigarettes on my desk.  Feeling the need for one but relented.  Harold's voice in my head telling me to give them up. I got up from my desk and grabbed the cigarette packet.  Taking it to the kitchen and stepping outside to the large rubbish bins.  I tossed the packet inside of one and went back inside.  Feeling I at least had power over one bloody thing in my life!

I found the coffee pot was still hot so I poured myself a cup and opened the newspaper on the kitchen table and sat down to catch up on the news.  Reading the latest information about the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and fears of another recession looming.  I hated all the bad news and quickly found the lifestyle section.  Needing something a bit lighter. When I saw an article about winter travel ideas it reminded me of Brian's idea to offer his father a trip anywhere he wanted.  I found that a nice gesture.  It made me think of the conversation I'd had with Harold about his regrets.  The things he wished he had done that seemed frivolous to him.  I smiled remembering the conversation.  I liked Harold and would cherish that private little chat forever.  It was certainly a conversation I would never have with my own father.

A promotion in the paper for an upcoming event caught my eye as I continued reading and an idea occurred to me.  I picked up the telephone and called the information number for the event. Hoping someone there might be able to help.  I couldn't save Harold and I couldn't fix things with Brian, but maybe I could make a sad situation a bit more bearable.  At least for one day.