Fourth of July

CHAPTER ELEVEN

HER POV

"Ako.."

I stared at him, giving him sharp look. Nag-tagal ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang nakaawang ang mga labi ko. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find words to say.

"You can't love me, we're friends, asshole.."

"Bawal ba magkagusto sa kaibigan?" Tanong niya pabalik.

Napakagat nalang ako sa labi ko. This isn't right. He has to stop. We better stay friends, than lose everything. I treasure him so much, and if loving me can be the extent of our friendship, then I don't want him to love me.

I just don't wanna lose him.

Not him.

Not this time.

I've lost many people in my life, ngayon si Helwinn na lang ang natitira. Hindi ako papayag na pati siya mawala.

"I.. I— I don't know what to say.." I uttered. Napayuko na lang ako.

Madami rin ang nagsasabi na bagay daw kami at may chemistry daw kaming dalawa. Ang tagal na daw namin mag-kaibigan, imposible raw na walang mahulog samin.

I doubt it. I mean, you can be friends with a guy for a long time without catching feelings for them.

You just have to control your feelings.. it wasn't that easy, though. But it's for the betterment of the both of you.

Nang wala na 'kong masabi ay hinawakan niya na naman kamay ko. Napaangat ako ng tingin nang mag-simulang pumalibot samin ang halakhak niya. Kaya napapatingin na rin samin 'yung ibang tao.

"What?" I asked him.

"You should've seen your face, damn it was funny. I was just kidding, okay?" He said between his laughter. Namumula na rin 'yung mukha niya at halos maluha na siya kakaiyak.

I rolled my eyes at him and punch his arm. "Shuta ka! Akala ko totoo! Kinabahan ako ro'n!"

"Bwisit. Dapat pala na-record ko 'yung reaksyon mo. Para kang ewan do'n."

"Shut up. Mamatay ka sanang single."

He stuck out his tongue and mocking me. "Ikaw rin. Para bff goals tayo,"

Napailing na lang ako at sa huli ay natawa na lang rin. What he said made me back to my senses. Nakahinga na 'ko nang maluwag. Mabuti naman.

Gosh, akala ko kasi totoo, eh.

Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko kung sakaling totoo man 'yun. Maaaring biro lang 'yon pero.. the way he said those words while staring directly on my eyes, it was just.. so powerful, so heartfelting.

Pero alam kong if ever man na totoo 'yon, iiwas lang ako sa kaniya at hihilingin ko na lang na hindi na mag-tagpo landas naming dalawa. Dahil hindi ko alam kung makakaya ko bang suklian 'yung pagmamahal na ibibigay niya.

I loathed love.

I forgot to love.

I even forgot what it feels to love, and to be loved.

"Chels, let's go. I'll drive you home, I need to go back to the studio."

Tumango na lang ako at inayos na 'yung pinamili ko pero napatigil ako nang may marealized ako.

"Teka, what do you mean by you'll drive me home?"

Napakamot naman siya sa batok niya at ngumiti nang pilit.

"Oo nga 'no? E'di du'n na lang sa mansyon."

"Hindi ba pwedeng i-baba mo na lang ako sa sakayan? Baka kailangan ka na-"