Trial of the Times

Chapter 26 - Verdict - Rewritten

Anakin paces outside the Council chambers, knowing that the Council could well be talking about him. They probably are. And the worst part, is that there's nothing he can do about it. He did things he regrets, true, but he still harbors the fear that he'll be expelled for his actions. Unlike for the other Jedi, he always seems to be held to a higher standard, where nothing less than absolute perfection is tolerated.

He hates being afraid. Fear is a weakness; it means he's helpless, and there's nothing he hates more than that. If he can help it, he'd much rather not feel – or confront – his fears. He'd rather be upset at the person causing his fear though it's not a conscious decision. Crossing his arms, Anakin stalks to the window and stares out, trying to find something to distract himself.

He loathes waiting, especially when his future will be decided right here and now. The Council will know everything; there's nothing Obi-Wan can do anymore to protect him. They'll know about his marriage to Padme. They'll know about his massacre of the Tusken Raiders. They'll know about his touching – and using – the Dark Side, though he rather suspects many of them already could sense that, especially with how much its now entwined in his Force signature. And the hardest part is that, even now, he wants to embrace it, draw it into himself and let himself be.

Even now, surrounded by the Light in the Temple, he can feel the Dark Side calling to him. It wants him, but he's determined not to let it claim him, at least not right now. He remembers what happened on Mortis, how he Fell and joined the Son. Maybe he'll never find out why. Whatever he does next, he'll have to do with care. Accepting the Dark Side comes with a price, and if he, even momentarily, loses control over himself, he could end up dooming the galaxy. He doesn't want to be responsible for the suffering of millions of beings. He doesn't. Is this his destiny? Was he always meant to come to this place, torn between the Light and Dark Sides?

No. He can't think like that. It's not going to help him or anyone, for that matter. Closing his eyes, he begins raging silently against the Council. They don't care about his emotions, holding him to a perfect standard which he can't ever meet. He is human. He will feel emotions. He can be hurt. It's not fair. He's not the object in some prophecy. He's a person, not a slave. How can any of this be right?

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't even recognize the approaching Force signature. "Master?" a soft familiar voice pulls him back to the present.

Spinning around, a smile appears at the sight of his Padawan. She must have come here immediately after ensuring Rex was in good hands. "Hey Snips," he greets her as she launches herself into his arms for the welcome back that he's long been expecting.

"I missed you," she murmurs, head resting on his chest, arms wrapped around him.

"I missed you too," he replies letting her go.

She steps back, looking him up and down. "Were you with Dooku this whole time?"

He raises an eyebrow at her intuitiveness. "I was," he acknowledges.

Ahsoka frowns. "Why?"

"Dooku disagrees with what Sidious is planning," Anakin explains, "And he finally realized that the only way to stop him would be by getting help. He asked me to help him stop Sidious, and I agreed once I knew everything. We met purely by chance, but it must have been the will of the Force, because there's no other way it could have happened." As he says it, he realizes how true it is. If the Force hadn't guided him, albeit indirectly, to Dooku, things would have turned out very differently.

***

Ahsoka takes in Anakin's words, thinking back to what she overheard while watching the confrontation. She doesn't really feel guilty about seeing, but she does hope that Anakin won't be upset that she knows everything. "I – I saw part of what happened with you and Sidious," she confesses, meeting his eyes. "That's why I came. It looked like you could use my help."