Trial of the Times

Chapter 12 - Moving On

"I must inform you of something, Obi-Wan," Windu tells him gravely. For some reason, his tone hints that Obi-Wan really will not like what he'll be hearing.

"Speak," urges Obi-Wan. He'd rather just know and get it over with.

"A few days after your funeral, Skywalker was found dead," Windu informs him, his expression almost sympathetic. The words just don't – can't – register in Obi-Wan's mind. What? Anakin is dead? But that's just – it doesn't even make sense. How?

"What?" Obi-Wan finally manages to say.

Windu looks down at the ground, "His fighter was found. It has crashed on Coruscant." And that, he won't believe.

"Impossible," refutes Obi-Wan, "Anakin is the best pilot. He couldn't have crashed."

"And yet his fighter was found, and we haven't heard from him since," Windu points out, "The Council has not yet determined the cause, which is why we have not released this knowledge publicly. Either he was shot down, or it was intentional."

No way. The Council couldn't really think that – it's unthinkable. Anakin wouldn't do that. Except, whispers a very small voice in the back of his mind, he could have because he thought you were dead. You never bothered to tell him the truth. He wouldn't have known.

"Anakin wouldn't kill himself," Obi-Wan insists, though he knows exactly how uncertain he sounds. Because that doesn't sound like something Anakin would do. But Obi-Wan doesn't know that for sure since he only ever faked his death once. He doesn't really have any way of knowing how Anakin would have reacted. And the thought that he might have – unintentionally – killed Anakin is simply unbearable.

"I would agree, but he was not acting like himself at the end," Windu reports, "I spoke with his Padawan. She said he was moody and depressed, and he wasn't sleeping. He hardly said a word to her or anyone. I don't want to believe it any more than you do, but evidence points to an intentional crash."

That's – It couldn't have happened. Anakin can't just be gone. He feels so incredibly guilty. Maybe if he'd told Anakin, things would be different. He doesn't know for sure, and now he never will. Windu doesn't say anything; maybe he thinks he understands how Obi-Wan feels. But Obi-Wan doubts it. He doesn't even know how he feels. How could anyone else?

He's still in shock when he gets back to his apartment. Is this how Anakin felt when he thought he was dead? Yes. Yes, it probably is. How could he have put Anakin through this? Just because his reaction was important, that didn't mean that he couldn't have been told the truth after the funeral. But it's too late now. Anakin's dead, or is he?

There was no body; though that might be expected in a serious crash. But suppose Anakin wasn't killed? He could have been captured, in which case he's probably in the Sith's hands. That thought is even more alarming. All he can do now is hope. He doesn't want to believe Anakin is dead. He shouldn't be dead. It's not right, but if he is, Obi-Wan knows that he'll somehow have to accept it, but how?

Anakin was – he was like his brother. And though Obi-Wan has always refused to admit it, he loves him. He has an attachment to him, which he won't let anyone know of. He always thought Anakin knew the truth, but what if he didn't? What if he died never knowing how Obi-Wan felt? Getting a grip on himself, Obi-Wan forces his mind away from that line of questioning. He can't let himself dwell on those thoughts, because it won't help him or anyone.

It's not right for Anakin to be gone. He shouldn't be. Obi-Wan sits down on the couch, staring blankly at the wall. He can still feel Anakin's Force signature in the apartment which only makes it hurt so much more. He didn't think it would hurt more to lose anyone than Qui-Gon, but it can. It does. He can't stop the tears that escape.