Only Us (Justin Fields)

|15| Go Anywhere

Justin

"You know when I told you I've never driven before this is not how I thought this conversation would end" Jill says from behind the wheel of my car.

When Jillian told me she was never taught how to drive it instantly rubbed me the wrong way. A lot of people don't drive for many different reasons and there's nothing wrong with not having a license, but to someone who is so independent I feel like knowing how to drive could be a great help for someone like her. Back in high school I read this article of how parents won't teach kids how to drive so they can't get away. So they had to rely on their parents. It was some kind of controlling mechanism they use that prevented them from being free. Making their own choices of where they got to go and when. Being a foster kid and bringing in a check for as long as they are still dependent not teaching a kid how to drive could keep income a little while longer. And I couldn't say for sure that is what happened with Jillian, I know she had a lot of different families who had their reasons as to why they never taught her, but given what she's told me I'm sure it's something like that. Going from foster home to foster home maybe they just didn't see the point of teaching her. Thinking maybe the next family will. Or maybe they were afraid of the power she would hold if she did drive. Who knows? But I want her to have the freedom to go where she wanted. To do what she wanted. And who knows, maybe one day she will drive away from me? Maybe she will take that freedom right with her. I wouldn't be surprised. But at least she got to get where she wanted to be, even if she left me behind.

"It's not as scary as you think" I assure her.

"Well I can't be worse than you" she smirks.

I start to laugh as she watches to see my reaction. "What you got jokes now" I ask.

"Trying to lighten the mood before we die" she claims. Yeah. I knew she had a sense of humor somewhere. Too bad it's morbid.

"It's pretty simple. Let's start by turning the car on" I start.

"Alright" she sighs.

She turns the engine over and starts up the car. All the lights flash on and she studies them. I'm sure she has a million questions about what they mean. But she just sits there instead, taking it all in.

"Why should I know how to drive" she questions. I mean she has made it this far without having to know. And it's not the end of the world if she doesn't, so why try?

"Because it gives you the opportunity to go anywhere. No one can stop you. You can get in a car and go. You can be free" I explain.

"I wouldn't even be able to afford a car" she claims.

"Maybe not right now. But with a license you have the chance to one day be able to buy a car. And you can get in without telling anyone anything. You can drive as far as you can and no one can stop you" I say.

"That does sound kinda nice" she admits.

"Where would you go" I question.

"I've always wanted to go to New York. That's a cool place, nothing like Florida. I might be introverted and anti social but places like that always amaze me. The lights are blinding and the buildings are art. Maybe I could see a Broadway show or eat a slice of pizza I bought off the side of the street" she explains.

"We can get you there" I promise.

"Not if we die here" she mumbles.

"You will be fine" I laugh.

I take the time to familiarize her with the wheel, the buttons, the shift and anything else I think she will need to know. She's been in a car many times before so she knows most of this stuff, what it means. But it feels different when you're the one behind the wheel.

"Okay. Now hold your foot on the break and move the shift to drive. We will just go down the street, nothing crazy" I insist.

"How do I stop it" she asks.

".... Also the brake" I assure her.

"Cool" she nods.

She gets the car in drive and takes her foot off the break. Most people when learning are timid and might tap the gas pedal to see how far she would go. Then in the blink of an eye her foot falls on the gas pedal like dropping cement in water. It didn't take but two seconds for us to move 20 feet. As soon as she realize what had happened she slams on the breaks. Both of us jolt a little before the seatbelts do their job and bring us to a frightening stop.

It falls silent for a few moments and I check to make sure I still had a pulse. Two fingers make it to my throat and lo and behold, it was still there.

"Heh" I chuckle as I shake my head. The chuckle turns into a hearty laugh and my laughter turning into cackling. It got so bad my stomach started cramping.

"You think this is funny" she asks with concern laced through her voice.

"Hilarious" I choke out.

"I could have hurt you" she pouts.

"But you didn't" I remind her.

"But I almost did" she defends.

"I haven't felt that alive in a long time. My whole life flashed behind my eyes and I realized I really need to get out more" I tease.

"This not a time to joke Justin" she says as she hits my shoulder.

"Lighten up! We're okay. Not all of the consequences we face should be treated like the end of the world. Sometimes shit happens, and it sucks. But don't let it get to you. You can still move forward. Learn from what happened and try again until you get it right" I say.

She stares at me with those hazel eyes and I swear she was looking right through me.

"This isn't about driving is it" she asks.

"It's about everything. You don't need to let every little thing get to you. Of course that's easier said than done. But when I'm around let me handle some of those tedious things. I can take the weight off as much as I can. Like this. I'm obviously a terrible teacher" I try.

"I wasn't going to say anything" she smirks.

"Were you just saving all your jokes for now" I laugh.

"I make jokes when I'm scared" she admits.

"Well don't be. You're going to be fine. I'll make sure of it" I promise.