Only Us (Justin Fields)

69| Not A Bad Thing

Jillian

It was 2 in the afternoon, or maybe it was closer to 3. I haven't left my bed all day. Haven't looked at my phone all day and have barely talked to Justin. And nothing happened besides life. There are just some days that getting out of bed seems absolutely impossible. No matter what needs to be done, what I want to do, it's all insignificant. The only cure I know is laying here until the day is gone and I can try all over again.

And these days used to be many. Most days some times. I'm sure there is a clinical disgnosis for these kinds of feelings but I don't need a name for it. Would rather not give it a face to hide from. And I know I could get some pills to help or even therapy but I'm a poor college student with no health insurance... I might get better but at too high of a cost.

Plus nothing bad has ever happened while I was laying in bed so I don't see the problem.

I feel the bed dip and I know Justin had come back to bed. When I was alone I never thought much of these days, was just another Tuesday. But since I'm with Justin I feel bad because he keeps checking on me. I know he's worried, he's always worried. I wanted him to go out and live even if I wasn't there by his side, earlier I tried to get him to join his friends for lunch or mess around the campus, but he didn't say a word as he remained sat on the bed. Having him near me gave me a sense of peace but I couldn't tell him that. If he knew he would never leave. But he doesn't belong here watching me fight something I might never win.

"What would you like for dinner" he asks softly. I don't answer right away hoping maybe he would think I was asleep and would go out and get something he would like. "I know you're not asleep" he accuses and I poke my head up.

"No way you knew that" I accuse.

"You're right. I knew if I said that you would respond though" he smirks.

Such a pain in the ass sometimes.

"I'm not hungry" I try. I was but just didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't want him to bring me food either.

"Try again" he suggests and I sigh.

"Really. I don't need anything. I'm fine" I try.

He lets out a soft sigh as he gets up off the bed. I thought for a second he was actually listening to me until I see him walk around the bed. He stands at the record player and looks through the records. I watch carefully as he looks at each one. A small smile comes across his face when he stops at one.

He picks out the record he was looking at plops it on the player. The needle meets the record causing a scratch before the music starts. Justin doesn't say a word as he crawls into bed. His arms wrap around me before pulling me in. Maybe this wasn't so bad.

"Said all I want from you is to see you tomorrow
And every tomorrow maybe you'll let me borrow your heart
And is it too much to ask for every Sunday?
And while we're at it, throw in every other day to start

I know people make promises all the time
Then they turn right around and break them
When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're bleeding
But I could be that guy to heal it over time
And I won't stop until you believe it
'Cause baby you're worth it

So, don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me
'Cause you might f*ck around to find your dreams come true with me
Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me."

"Why did you pick this song" I ask softly. He smiles as his fingers dig into my back.

"First of all this album is great" he declares as I nod my head in agreeance. "Second of all this song makes me think of you. And it puts me in a good mood so maybe it can be the same for you."

"Why do you think of me" I wonder.

"Cause it might have been a journey for us to be together like this, that journey has been pretty amazing if I do say so myself. And I know you had been hurt up until the time we met. Hell, maybe even after then too. But once you did open up your heart to me you realized that love wasn't what you thought it was. Maybe that's a good thing" he explains.

"I think it is" I smile.

"Now how about I be the last voice you hear tonight?
And every other night for the rest of the nights that there are
And every morning I just wanna see you staring back at me
'Cause I know that's a good place to start

I know people make promises all the time
Then they turn right around and break them
When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, now you're bleeding
Don't you know that I could be that guy to heal it over time
And I won't stop until you believe it
'Cause baby you're worth it

So, don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me
'Cause you might f*ck around to find your dreams come true with me
Spend all your time and your money just find out that my love was free
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me

It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
Not such a bad thing to fall in love with me
(Not such a bad thing to fall in love with me)."

I softly close my eyes as I listen to the words. If he says he thinks of me then I hope it's something good. Suddenly a pair of lips meet my nose and I smile. I have to think he knows what he does to me yet I am not sure I have a clue.

"So what do you want for dinner" he asks again as I giggle. So stubborn.

"How about some soup" I ask.

"Soup sounds wonderful" he smiles.

I guess he was right. It's not such a bad thing to fall in love.

"No, I won't fill your mind with broken promises and wasted time
And if you fall, you'll always land right in these arms
These arms of mine

Don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me
'Cause you might f*ck around to find your dreams come true with me
Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free
So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
Not such a bad thing to fall in love with me"