Only Us (Justin Fields)

55| Ignorance is Bliss

Jillian

A lot of people have done some crazy things to keep themselves busy during these times. There isn't much to do locked up in an apartment but I have found a great many of happy moments. Cooking new recipes, listening to music, reading the books I always wanted and experiencing new things for the first time.

Justin suggested to jump on the 23 and me trend. At first I was very much against it. As they say ignorance is bliss, plus it seems like a money grab to take advantage of people in trying times. To be honest no matter what I find out it will suck. Maybe my parents both made lives of their owns never wanting me to be a part of it. Or maybe they're awful people and I have to live with the fact that I am related to someone I could never love. I can't think of an outcome where there is a good reason I have been completely forgotten. Unloved. Ignored.

But there is also a chance that I have a sibling. Maybe they would like me. Maybe they can tell me more about who I was before I became who I am. Plus there are things like medical history and genetic patterns that it would never hurt to know. So I give in and take the test.

That was about a month ago. I got the result back today and I have to admit, I haven't been this uneasy since the bowl game earlier this year. My stomach was in knots and I felt like I was going to pass out. I never like feigning ignorance but the power of not knowing was still power I had. And now it's power I must give up.

"I can't do this" I whisper.

"You can do anything Jillian" he insists.

"Can you look for me" I beg. He had that look like he was going to say no so I stick out my bottom lip and I see his face fall.

"That's not fair" he claims taking the phone out my hand. And I wanted to feel relieved but I know he was actually going to look. I'm not sure I could handle the truth.

He opens the notification and smiles. After reading for only a few seconds he looks at me like there is a cash app for a million dollars on my phone.

"What is it" I whisper.

"There is someone on here with the same mother as you. It looks like he even sent you a message" he claims.

A gasp escapes before I can cover my mouth with my hands. "Seriously" I manage to squeak.

"Yeah. I won't read it. This is a special moment for you and I won't take that for you. This is your life, you deserve to be the first to read it. But he wants to talk to you" he says handing my phone back.

I slowly take it trying to figure out what to do. There is happiness in ignorance. Not knowing allows me to make up things in my head. My mom was a firefighter and she passed saving a bunch of people from a fire and my dad is a foreign diplomat who is out there making the world a better place for his long lost daughter. It seems silly but these day dreams always kept me going. Not knowing allowed me to think this way. Once I take this step there is no more denying the truth. The truth can set you free but it also inhibits your way of thinking. Take away all those dreams. But they were always just that, dreams.

I look down at my phone and see that the guy sent a second message. My eyes return to Justin for reassurance and he nods his head. Here goes nothing.

The message opens and I see three from him. The first one was the standard "this person is your brother, he is from your mom's side and he wants to reach out to you" message you get when there's a match. Under it was two personal messages that he made himself. It read:

"Hey Jillian! My name is Jeremy and it looks like we have the same mom.

I'm not sure how much you know or how much you've interacted with her. Since you're older and I didn't know about you I assume you don't know much. So I can answer some questions or maybe you can answer some of mine."

I let out a long sigh because I didn't want to let him down. I didn't know anything. Not her name or where she is. Only where I was born. From what I was told I didn't take either of my parents last names. My last name was given to me by the state of Florida. So he might have more questions than anything.

"Hi Jeremy, it's really nice to be able to talk to you. I wish I could tell you more than what I'm about to say but I'm afraid I don't know much. I know I was born on April 10th 1998 in Forte Lauderdale Florida. I spent two years with some kind of family friend before given to the state. I don't know anything besides when and where I was born. But if you have any information about our mother, I would love to know. And I would love to know you as well."

"Don't feel bad, from my experience I haven't had a lot of luck finding out about her.

Her name is Jewel Jackson. She lived in the Florida area for a while from what I can tell. I was born in 2000 so a few years after you. Still in Fort Lauderdale. I didn't spend much time with her, my dad ended up taking me in. He didn't tell me much about her and in my search I wasn't able to find much. He says she was a good woman with a troubled soul. She pretty much went dark back in 01 so I couldn't tell you where she has been or what she's doing. But if it puts you at ease at all, she is still alive as far as we know."

I let out a long sigh as a smile comes to my face. At least she's okay.

"So what about you? How have you been?"

"I've been pretty well. I play football at the university of Florida right now. I don't know if you're into sports but I play wider receiver. I love it. Keeps me going most days. My dad doesn't live too far from here. He keeps me sane. I don't have any other siblings besides the ones I find through here but I can't complain about my life.

What about you?"

"I wish this my life was a cool as yours. I'm afraid I don't do much these days. Even before Covid I wasn't much for living. But knowing you're out there makes my life a little more exciting. I hope we can meet one day."

"If you would like we can exchange numbers and maybe when this is all over we can meet up?"

"That would be nice."

We exchange number and I show Justin the messages. Turns out he's actually seen my brother before. With them both being from the south and just a year apart they've gone to camps together and have heard of each other.

A long sigh passes my lips as I fall back onto the couch. What a day?

"I'm proud of you" Justin says sitting next to me. I throw my hands on my face to hide my smile. But Justin knew me too well and grabs my wrist to take my hand away. "Stop hiding" he begs.

"Stop saying stuff like that" I tease.

"I won't. But I know you've had a long day so I'll pause for the time being" he smirks.

"So kind" I chuckle.