Only Us (Justin Fields)

|64| What Makes You Beautiful

Justin

As we get closer to the time school is supposed to start it becomes apparent that classes will not resume in person as they had before Covid. We were dying for a sense of normalcy, for college isn't forever. We're missing out on so many important moments and experiences, it's hard to be optimistic about the world when every time we think we have a handle on things, we lose all sense of control. With spikes coming in hot it doesn't make sense to stick kids in a classroom so close to one another. I get that. And now professors have time to make a game plan for e-learning and is more comfortable with zooms and the technology needed to hold a class online instead of being thrown into it. It's not ideal but it can be manageable.

The only thing is if this is truly my last season here at Ohio State I still wanted to play. Maybe football isn't what the world needs right now. In fact I know it's not what it needs. But it's what myself and so many others need in order to feel any sense of normalcy again. I would take football by any means, I'll play in a mask. Take any vaccine. Spend days in the training facilities to make up for lost time. Name it and I'll do it.

But it's not that simple to convince the board. The risk and the reward need to at least be equal, if not the reward a little higher. They want football too, how else would they get money? But it's hard to validate playing when the circumstances seem to worsen by the day. They wouldn't be able to have fans so they would probably lose more money than they would make. It's like a never ending pros and cons list that will never come to conclusion. At least not one we would want anyway.

"You think they'll make a decision soon" Lilly asks as she joins me in my bed. She doesn't come up here often but I always enjoy cuddling with her. Especially when it was late and I felt lonely like now.

"I don't know" I sigh as I wrap my arm around her. "They had a plan and it looks like it might fall through. Now I'm kind of scared they won't be able to get it together."

"You can lead a horse to the water but you can't make 'em drink it" she sighs.

"Sometimes I forget you're from the south then you say stuff like that and it makes sense" I tease.

We sit there for a while as she rests her head on my shoulder. I scroll through social media and she just watches me. She doesn't have any social medias but she's shows interest from time to time. She really liked TikTok and would like stuff on my phone then the next thing you know I have a hundred cat videos on my for you page. But I don't mind. She has full access to my phone and me to hers. I know a lot of her exposure to the outside world will be through me. I enjoy sharing that with her.

Eventually I get bored so I lock my phone. I place it in the charger before turning to Jillian. All she does is look up at me with those doe eyes and I melt. "You're so beautiful" I say softly. Almost immediately she tries to hide her face in her hands. But I grab her wrist and pull her hand away. "Now I just said you're beautiful and your initial response is to hide that beauty, why" I wonder.

"Because you're the only person I believe when they say that. So it makes me shy. I know you mean it and in that case it must be true. But it's still weird to hear and even weirder that I actually believe you" she explains.

"Well it is true. The way your hair has more curls than days in a lifetime. And how your eyes sparkle when you look at me, it makes me feel like I could fly. Don't get me started on those lips..." I trail off. My gaze resting on her lips.

"What else" she whispers and I look at her weird. Usually when I talk about her she begs me to stop. I wonder why the sudden change?

"Your smile" I start. "It makes my heart beat like crazy. I never felt anything like it. And it's every time you truly smile. And you have a dimple in your right cheek when you smile sometimes. It brings me to my knees. And-" I try until I feel something on my lips.

She suddenly straddles me as her lips stay on mine. At first I don't move, I wasn't sure what to do. It's like my hands were almost afraid to touch her, like she isn't real. She doesn't smoke or drink but this still wasn't like her. Not that I'm complaining.

My hands finally find her waist as I pull her closer. The amount of passion radiating off of her was overpowering. I could feel it on my lips pouring all the way through me. I didn't know how to handle it. I never asked if she had gotten very far before, I know she had been abused in the past so if she had I know for a fact it couldn't be a good memory. Never of her own volition. But it would be a lie if I said I hadn't thought about having sex with her before. I mean it when I say she is the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I just wasn't sure if this was something she wanted.

From the way she got on top of me I think she wants this.

So I slowly slip my hands under her shirt and move them up her sides. Her shirt sliding up as my hands wrap around her back. Her lips never leave from mine. I feel her hands leave my face as they grip my shirt. I'm sure she could feel my heart pounding against my chest.

We break apart long enough for her hands to grab the bottom of her shirt. She starts to take it off but I put my hand on top of hers.

"Are you sure" I huff, still trying to catch my breath. Her eyes stare back at me as she waits a second to answer.

"I want every part of you, Justin. If that's okay" she asks.

I smile as I shake my head. "Of course baby" I assure her.

She tosses her shirt to the side before I do the same. My lips make their ways to her neck before I get to her collar bone. I feel her move under my hands driving me crazy.

There were so many times I wanted to make the first move but I was so scared. Not that she didn't want to or that she was afraid to get hurt, but simply because there is still so much I don't know about her and I never wanted to cross some boundary I might know is there. But as she has done many times before, she is showing me that everything I think I know is all in my head. But she is real, and she loves me as much as I love her.