Only Us (Justin Fields)

|68| Reasons to Stay

Justin

"Not a lot of people get to start anew. Many people need to but never get that opportunity. I'm lucky, I've been given a second chance to play the game I love in an environment totally new to me. A new state, new school, new conference, new opportunities. And I wasn't one to wait. As soon as I knew when my puzzle pieces fit I came right on over to the great Ohio state university. Ready to start new.

I wanted to be ahead of the curve, not just set it. So I decided to take a look at the campus buildings, familiarize myself. Make it like home so playing here doesn't feel like an obligation like it did back in Georgia. It was a blessing, I just knew it.

Only I failed to take into consideration the weather differences between the south and the Midwest so driving my happy ass up there in mid December wasn't the best idea I've ever had.  I don't have a coat besides what the team game me or snow shoes. But the future waits for no one.

I find heat in the halls of the science building I was looking for and wanted to check out some of the classrooms. Plus I couldn't feel my fingers and didn't want to wait to warm up again. As I looked down at my phone I couldn't but notice I wasn't exactly in the right place. This place looked damn near abandoned at this point. So I walk up two flights of stairs before I get to the third floor. My eyes searched for any sign of where I needed to go. Finally I find an open classroom door, the first one I had seen since I got here. Figured if someone was in there I could ask for help.

Only when I got to the door I didn't hear anything. It was cold, like a door was open, but somehow absolutely silent. All I could hear was the ticking of a clock. I peaked my head in to see if anyone was around before mumbling to myself the disappointment I felt for getting myself so lost.  I check my phone again to make sure I was reading it right but I don't even know if I'm in the right building let alone the right class.

When I turned to leave something told me to look again. The air was thick and something was stopping me in my tracks. Deep down I knew I wasn't supposed to leave quit yet. So I turn back to the room and let myself in. Searching for whatever it is my heart was calling for. That's when I saw her. Like an answer to a call. And they say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but what happens when you see clear through the other side? There is no soul to look at?

That's exactly what happened when my eyes met hers. It's like her soul was lost and she was on her way down to find it. Only it wasn't out there, at the bottom of this building. The only thing down there for her was a way to stop looking for a soul. She wouldn't have to heal anymore, she would be free. But I felt deep in my own soul that she was still needed here.

So I walked over to the seat nearest to the sliding doors and I sat down. My heart was racing faster than it ever had before. As I got closer I noticed her vibrant beauty, her dark aura, and those eyes that stared right through me. I wasn't sure what to say or what to do. If there was anything I could change at this point in her life. By god I was going to try.

I couldn't tell you why, but I wasn't walking out of that room without her. I just couldn't do it. This world, no, I needed her here. And I was going to figure out why. So I decided in that exact moment, before we ever spoke a word to one another, that is she was staying, she would stay with me. That I would be a reason for her to stay long enough that she is a good enough reason to stay. It was selfish but I wanted to learn about her, to know why she thought this was the answer. And I was going to assure her that her staying was worth it. Whatever it took I was going to be by her side, cheering her on. Because it took but a look for me to know that she was meant to be in this world, at least for a little while longer. And I was meant to be by her side."

"What do you want to do today" Jillian asks and I smile.

"Ah my beautiful flower, we can do anything you want" I promise her.

"Can we go to the zoo" she asks.

"Of course" I assure her.

We get changed and grab a quick bite before heading over to the zoo. Luckily there was one here in Columbus and it was outdoors so it was open. It ended up being a beautiful day so I was excited to go.

We walk around for a while before stopping for a drink. We take shelter under an umbrella trying to cool off. I admire her as she pats her skin to get rid of the wear beading on her forehead.

"Can I ask you a question" I start.

"Of course" she assures me.

"It's about when we first met" I say. She pauses for a moment before sighing.

"For you, I will answer it" she nods.

"I asked you to stay. And it was for selfish reasons. Not because I didn't want to be a witness to a death and it wasn't because I was scared. No. I knew that you were supposed to be in my life" I start.

"That's not a question" she teases.

"My question was... do you think you did the right thing? Staying? Do you think that it is worth hanging around" I wonder.

Maybe it was some sad form of self validation. But I said to stay for me and I prayed that it was enough. Even though she is still here it doesn't mean it was worth it to her. I wanted to know if I... if I was even it.

She tucks away the napkin before turning to me. I was siting on the ledge and she walks between my legs. She grabs my face and stares right through me.

Only this time her eyes weren't transparent, and her soul wasn't lost. I could see that girl who likes musicals and making brownies on the weekend. Who couldn't stand to miss an episode of the Equalizer. Who cared about this world and what happens to it. And who finally felt like she was a part of it.

"Staying was the best choice I had, simply because you asked me to. I knew from that moment that if I did decide to stay, I wasn't alone anymore. I no longer had to figure things out for myself, you would show me. And you showed me a world filled with color, with happiness and purpose. Staying meant I get to fall in love with you, and that was the only reason I needed" she promised.