Only Us (Justin Fields)

|51| Keep My Mouth Shut

Jillian

It's been a little while since we've been outside or talked to people. It's hard to sit idle when the weather is this beautiful. I don't know why Covid didn't come when we were up to our waist in snow. But if this was ever going to be convenient it was never going to happen.

Instead of attending class on Zoom today we were going to Zoom Justin's family. He was the only one in his immediate family not in Georgia but someone had a chip on his shoulder and was taking full advantage of the football facility being empty. Don't get me wrong, he only goes a few times a week for a few hours and sometimes he even drags me with him. But zoom is usually the only other time we interact with people who aren't each other. It's nice to not have to wear masks and see their faces unlike if we were there in person.

I set up the laptop in the living room before we sit on the couch. We wait for everyone to join as we catch up with his mom.

"You guys look great" she starts and I smile.

"We're keeping up" I admit.

"How's school going" she wonders.

"As good as it can go given the circumstances" Justin says.

"I hope you're not giving my Jill a hard time" his mom warns and I laugh.

"He's amazing, as always" I assure her.

Eventually everyone gets on the zoom and somehow it made the apartment feel full. A few of his family members gave gotten Covid but thankfully no one got hospitalized. Some of them still can't smell or taste things and have issues with long term symptoms but they're all home.

Justin talks through the chaos as everyone tries to catch up. I sit there silently because it's what I do best. Try not to get lost in the sea of words.

Eventually it starts to be a bit much. I try not to wear it on my face but man it was hard. All of the sudden I feel something on my leg and look down. I see Justin's hand resting on my knee, his fingers easily wrapped around my leg. The friendship bracelet I made for him all that time ago still on his wrist.

Suddenly all the sound drowns out. I look over to Justin who was looking at me. I didn't even know when he muted the audio but the whole apartment went from sounding like a football game to dead silence.

"Are you okay" he asks softly, oh so kindly.

"Yeah" I say with a very unconvincing smile.

"Come on Jill, I know you better than that" he reminds me.

"You don't have to worry about me" I say as I rest my hand on top of his.

"But I do" he claims.

"Don't waste your time on me. You haven't seen your family for a while" I remind him.

"I'm not worried about them. I'm worried about you" he insists.

I let out a rough sigh as I look back into his eyes. The concern was obvious. "I'll be okay. I have you" I smile.

He lets out a defeated sigh before nodding. He unmutes the audio to continued discussions before.

"Justin are you ignoring us" his dad asks.

"Nope" he smiles. Such a shitty liar.

We stay on that zoom for a hour before getting off. It was nice to see old faces and even some new ones. I hope this is over soon so I can meet everyone.

Justin closes the laptop before turning to me. I know I was about to get a talking to, I can see it in his eyes.

"Why do you lie" he wonders. I'm no good at lying. Especially to him.

"I just want to make things easier for you" I try.

"Easy isn't what's important to me. I don't want you doing anything that makes you uncomfortable simply because it is easy for me. Cause then I will sit here and worry about you instead. I know you want to make me happy... I know. I get that. I want to make you happy too.

But I do not want you sitting here overstimulated and making yourself sick over something like this. You can excuse yourself, they'll understand. They're not going to hate you for taking time for yourself" he explains.

"I know. It's just... hard" I try.

"What is" he wonders.

"Not being next to you. I could have gotten up and left but I didn't want you to follow. I know you would have. That's why I stayed. So you would still talk to your family" I defend.

A small smile comes on his face and it relaxed me a bunch. He just laughs as he shakes his head.

"Your way of thinking is so far beyond me. How you think of others before yourself is noble. I just wish you were more selfish" he claims.

"I am. I want you all to myself" I tease.

"You have me" he promises.

"Good" I smile.

He puts up his laptop and we decide to order some Chinese food. Not many people have jobs but delivery services were making more money than ever. And as much as I love to cook I am not in the mood and Chinese food has a lot of good vegan options. So we order and decide to watch some tv.

"Oh look, an old football game" I say seeing a rerun of an Ohio state game playing from last season.

"Would you look at that" he laughs.

"Can we watch it" I wonder.

"You... want to watch football" he asks.

"Well I've learned a lot in the time I've known you. But I know it would be best to learn it from the man himself" I explain.

"Alright. But if you want to change it let me know" he insists.

"I will" I promise.

We watch for a little and I ask my questions. I think I've gotten the hang of it but sometimes it's hard to follow the action. Even the camera man messes up sometimes. But to Justin it is like second nature.

"What's it like out there" I wonder.

"It's incredible. I feel like I'm flying. Every time the ball is in my hands I feel like I can do anything. When I look down field it's like I can see it all play out in my mind. Where everyone will be, what they'll do. And like a movie I do my part, I play my role. And we can make history like that" he says.

I smile to myself as I watch him watch the game. His eyes shine so bright. I love that he has something he cares so deeply about.

"Why are you looking at me like that" he asks.

"I just really enjoy listening you talk about football. You get this sparkle in your eyes, it makes me happy" I admit.

"Well there's two things I love to talk about more than anything in the world" he claims.

"If you say the other one is me I'm going to bed" I threaten.

"I better keep my mouth shut then" he smirks.