Only Us (Justin Fields)

|27| Proud of You

Jillian

After a few months of practice we decide that it was time for me to try and take the drivers test. There was no pressure to pass right now, just to get my feet wet. Justin let me use his car for the driving exam and depending on how this goes I can start looking at cars for myself.

We get to the DMV a few towns away from campus. It was a little easier to drive in and I wasn't worried about campus traffic. I take the written exam and pass with a perfect score before I had to wait until an instructor was available for the driving portion of the test.

I sit in a chair next to Justin as my leg bounces up and down. It wasn't the end of the world if I didn't pass it, I know that, but I would hate for all this work to be for nothing.

Justin reaches over to place a hand on my knee. Suddenly my leg was completely still as I stare at his fingers gripping my leg. His hands were so big he could nearly wrap his fingers around it. He sends me a warm smile and I felt like my insides were going to melt.

"You're going to be just fine, I know it" he says softly. I smile back as I rest my hand on top of his. He quickly flips his hand around and laces his fingers through mine. He holds my hand as we sit for a little while longer.

"I don't think anyone has ever believed in me. And if they did it was never to the extent you do. For so long I thought my purpose was just to make others feel better about themselves. To give someone something to lean on or to project onto. And for a long time I didn't mind. At least I was being useful.

But now... now you're here and you have given me a reason to be. And not as a tool or a escape goat. I am me, I can have goals and dreams. My existence isn't just for others. I can finally be.

So thank you Justin, for not only believing in me but following through. You could have walked out that classroom and tried your damnest to forget everything about me. Could have turned me into the school for help then never lifted a finger again.

Instead you're here with me. And I'm so thankful you are" I confess.

He softly squeezes my hand making my heart skip a beat. "You are the greatest experience of my life. You might not understand what that means, but that's okay. That's the fun of it all, trying to figure it out. And when you pass and you can walk out of here accomplished from what you have been working for we can go get some gelato" he smirks.

"You sure do know how to make a girl happy" I tease.

"Are you" he counters. "Happy, you know?"

"I'm not sure I feel anything to be honest. How else could I walk this life not caring if something happens to me? But I do feel glimpses of happiness. Like when you hold my hand like this" I admit.

He smiles as he nods his head. He doesn't say a word as he rests his head against the wall behind us. Just as he was about to say something more they call my number. Suddenly the nervousness was right back with me.

"You got this" he assures me. I nod not able to trust my voice.

I reluctantly let go of his hand and make my way over. The instructor examines Justin's car and makes sure everything works as it should. Once we get in he tells me what he needed me to do.

We start to drive and it was quiet for a while before he asks.

"Would that guy with you happen to be Justin Fields" he wonders.

I kinda laugh because this happens nearly any time someone sees me with him.

"It was" I nod.

"That's pretty cool. I've heard a lot about him. My family and I have season tickets and we're excited to see him play" he explains.

"He's a great guy" I admit. "The best."

"He's pretty good at slinging a football" he says.

"I don't know much about that, to be honest. I've only ever gone to the scrimmage a few weeks ago and from what I'm told it's nothing like an actual game.

What I do know is the man he is. Even at 20 years old he knowledgeable. When I first met him he said he would change the world and he meant it. And I'm lucky enough he is letting me be a part of his plans to achieve that. I can learn from him about this life, how to drive and how to live. Things I never really had much interest in but he... he got me pretty good" I sigh.

"Sounds like it. Why did you wait so long to learn how to drive" he wonders.

"Even if I could go places physically I always felt like mentally I was trapped in some kind of maze. No matter where I turned or what I did I was lost. No one cared to teach me and I didn't care to search it out. Driving seemed like something that didn't matter to me.

Turns out I hated this life because I wasn't able to see all that it offers. So I figured before I curse this world I should see it first. This is a start" I shrug.

"I've seen a lot of people come through here later in their lives and I always ask that same question. Though I have to say, I've never heard an answer like that" he admits.

"I hope that's a good thing" I insist.

"It is" he smiles.

We finish the test and return to the center. He tells me I pass with flying colors and I sigh in relief. It wasn't bad at all.

I get my picture taken and a temporary license handed to me. Once the paperwork was done I find Justin in the same chair I left him in. He had on headphones and his head resting on the wall behind him.

I make my way over and he notices me a few feet away. He quickly pops up and tosses his headphones off. "So" he asks.

"I did it" I squeal as I show him the paper. You would think he just won the superbowl with how big he smiles.

He wraps his arms around me and picks me up. I could feel the happiness radiating off of him. I never knew someone could feel this way about me, or that it would make me so happy. But I'm lucky to have him.

"I'm so proud of you Lilly" he whispers in my ear.

"Thank you, Justin" I smile.