Only Us (Justin Fields)

|57| A Change of Mind

Justin

They start to loosen the restrictions on where we can go and how many people can be there. For me this meant I can see a few friends around the workout facility. This morning I meet up with a good friend and a partner on the filled, Kenneth. Now Ken is definitely the type to come to school here for football and only football, but there's nothing wrong with that. Very few roster athletes are actually good at schooling, especially on this level. And with practice and games sometimes school just isn't a priority. But he wasn't stupid in any sense. In a lot of ways he has years on me. We were two very different people, but we still had a common goal.

Win.

We stretch out in the weight room getting ready to make it hard to walk tomorrow. Music was blasting and we were catching up. It's been a few weeks since we last talked so it was nice to get to hear how he's been and what he's been up to. Even though he's been stuck on campus too, it feels like we were in different worlds entirely.

"What about you? You seem pretty happy locked up with Jillian" he teases.

"I would be lying if I said I had much to complain about. She makes breakfast when she feels like it and always makes some for me. Keeps to herself but still entertains me when I'm bored. School was easy with her and we are doing stuff to keep us busy" I shrug.

"That's it" he accuses as I roll my eyes.

"You too" I ask. If I had a dollar for every person who just assumed we were together I could pay for my own college without the scholarship.

"Oh come on, you can't possibly believe people aren't just going to assume you're together. You live together. You gave her a nickname. She's been to your home, is basically a part of your family. It's more insane to assume you guys aren't together" he argues.

"Well we're not" I sigh.

"But you want to be" he asks.

I sit up from the stretch I was in to turn to him. He was leaned over a bar that was waiting to have weights added to it. "I think I do" I whisper.

"I thought you said you didn't want to be in a serious relationship while in college" he reminds me. I've said that quite a few times, actually.

"That was when I was afraid I couldn't give her the time and attention she deserved or wouldn't have the chance to get to know her.

I know Jillian, as much as she will show or tell me. Haven't forgotten a single detail. Every day I learn something new and I hope I never forget it, not even for a second. And we have all the time in the world. It's not like I can go anywhere, and to be honest even if I could go if she isn't there I would go anyway. She's become home to me. Seeing her every day just feels right. I feel happy, safe when it's just her and me. She knows me on a level to where I don't even have to tell her things, she already knows.

And I love her, with every fiber of my being. God do I love that woman. So much that it hurts. I feel like an overfilled tire about to explode. She's right there. She's always right next to me and I'm sure she has an idea, but there's no way she knows how I feel" I vent.

"Not until you tell her. You can show her all you want but someone like that, she needs to hear it" he insists.

"And what if she doesn't believe me" I try

"She will have to" he claims.

"And what if she doesn't feel the same" I shake my head.

"You won't know until you try. I know it's terrifying, for these things to become real. For her to know how you feel and vice versa. But until this happens... nothing is going to happen" she claims.

"I know. I just... I can't lose her. I don't want her to feel trapped here either. I know in my heart we can be happy together. In a lot of ways we already are. It's like we're in a relationship and we don't even know it. But she's scared of the world and I don't want to chase her away" I defend.

"There is nowhere she can go where your love won't follow" he insists.

I look at him all peculiar like. This was not what I was expecting from him. I know he is wise beyond his years but still.

"You love someone" I ask.

"I did, once. And I never said anything and now she is happily engaged to someone else" he explains.

"Oh, I'm sorry man" I sigh.

"It's alright. You should take your upper class men's advice and not wait too long. Even if she doesn't find someone else there's still a chance you can lose her" he insists.

"I know that. But I won't let her go so easy. Until she tells me she wants me gone I will be by her side. Whatever way possible" I insist.

"Good" he smiles.

It finally comes time to hit the weights. We spend three hours with little breaks sprinkled in between which is a long time for me. I'm more of a speed and agility guy than weight training but there is only so much we can do with no one else being here. It's no fun racing myself.

I invite Kenny over after practice and Jill offered to make us dinner. As soon as we walk in I can smell the food.

"This is vegan food" he asks taking off his shoes.

"We get creative" I shrug.

I introduce the two and Ken and I make our plates. We all sit at the island and eat our food. Jillian says quiet and listens as usual.

"What are you gonna do when the world opens up again" Ken asks her.

"Go to the library" Jillian admits making me chuckle. I expect nothing less from her.

"And what are you going to read about" he wonders.

"The world. I realized that I don't know or understand so much. I look at the news of how this same virus spreads in every country and yet we all handled it differently. It amazes me. I'm curious to how others live, how they solve problems. What all I can learn from them" she explains. I smile to myself because that was such a her answer

"I... never even thought of something like that" he admits.

"Well what do you want to do once we return to normal" she wonders.

"I just wanted to go to the bars again" he shrugs making her laugh.

"Nothing wrong with that" she nods.

We finish up and Kenneth heads out. I walk him to his car and he turns to me. His eyes glance up at the building before back at me.

"I can tell you really love her. And she seems like a great girl. Just be careful, okay" he asks.

"I'm trying" I promise.