Only Us (Justin Fields)

|33| Dreams and Reality

Justin

As promised I take Jillian to New York for a few days this summer. My parents thought it was a good idea to get me away from obsessing over school and football and they adore Jill. Would do anything for her like she's already a part of the family.

So they get us some plane tickets and tell us to be careful. I've gone on trips like this with my sisters before and we always make it back in one piece. And Jillian is way more responsible than them so we should be more than okay.

We get to the hotel and I check us in. Once we get our keys we head up to the 32nd floor. This was a nice hotel, a lot nicer than I thought. I didn't ask how much it was but now I kind of feel bad. I'll have to bring my parents a bunch of souvenirs.

"It's beautiful" Jillian whispers as she stands at the window. You can see the whole city from here.

"Nothing like anything you know huh" I ask.

"I feel like I'm on a different planet" she admits.

"Don't let it scare you. It's not that bad" I insist.

"I think scary is beautiful" she claims. I smile to myself because of course she does.

"We've had a long day of traveling and a few long days ahead of us. Why don't we call it a night and get started early tomorrow" I suggest.

"Sounds good" she admits.

She takes a shower and changes before getting into her bed. I follow after her and plug my phone in. It was about 11 pm which isn't all that late but for me it kinda was.

Once we crawl under the sheets I turn out the lights. It stays silent for about ten minutes before I hear her turn in the bed next to me. I know she doesn't sleep much, she wore it on her face. Her eyes were as tired from not sleeping as they were of this world.

"Are you asleep" I whisper.

"I don't sleep much" she confesses.

"Is that healthy" I question.

"No. But it beats whatever nightmare awaits me. Or whatever dream I'll have to wake up from" she claims.

I bite my lip and think of how I can help her. I can't go into her dreams, stop whatever memory resurfaces forcing her to relive it. Or interfere with whatever fear awaits her. I was pretty much powerless but I did have one idea.

"Is it okay if I sit with you" I wonder.

"You want to come into my bed" she questions.

"Only if you're okay with it" I insist.

She lifts her head as she stares at me. Even in this dim room I can see her hazel eyes. "Okay" she whispers.

Honestly didn't think she would bite. But maybe she wants to sleep as bad as I want to help her. So I roll out of my bed and sit myself on the side of her bed. After making myself comfortable I see her looking up at me. She looked unsure but I know she would never ask for something she would actually want. Because she doesn't often ask for stuff she does.

After a few seconds she rests her head back down, but this time in my lap. I feel her weight fall on me as she relaxes. My hand naturally makes its way to her hair as I run my fingers through it. I've never seen so many curls so perfectly round. It truly was a sight to see.

"What do you dream about" she wonders.

"A lot of things I guess. Football, school, friends and family" I admit.

"Do you ever get sad when you wake up" she asks.

"Not really. What I have there isn't real. No matter how good it may be it isn't mine. But out here everything I have is real. I make sure of it. So when I wake up I can still do and see the things that I want" I explain.

"I want to be like you" she claims.

I pause for a moment and stop running my fingers through her hair. She turns so she could look up me. She looked so vulnerable in this moment. And in return I could be vulnerable with her too.

"It's not always good. No one dreams forever. Eventually you'll have to wake up. Sometimes reality is harsh. It's weights at 4 am or an exam you forgot to study for. It's not having money for lunch or not being able to remember the last time you had a moment for yourself. There's more times than I care to admit when I just want to block it all out. Disappear into thin air. Just not be me" I say.

"So how do you still dream" she asks.

"Knowing what I want I guess. If I haven't got it yet I'll dream. Then after a while I will make it so it's a reality" I admit.

"What are you dreaming about right now" she quizzes.

I take a while to answer, just staring in her eyes. After I take a too long to answer she smiles.

"It's not something, it's someone isn't it" she accuses.

My face nearly catches on fire right then and there. I advert my eyes as I look around the room hoping she doesn't catch on. She's a smart girl but when it comes to my feelings for her... I don't think she has a clue.

"That's okay. You don't have to tell me" she continues.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you. I just... don't know how" I confess.

"There's nothing wrong with that" she assures me.

"But it's a great feeling. To care for someone. To dream of a future where we are happy. Healthy. Doing everything we dreamed about. And I would do anything to keep that dream alive until it is no longer a dream" I say.

"That person is very lucky" she claims.

I open my mouth to tell her that it's her. She was the only reason I wanted to do anything these days. Never in my life had a person meant this much to me. She means everything and she knew nothing.

"You should rest" I say instead.

"Okay" she agrees.

We sit there quietly for a few moments before I notice her breathing slow. I move out of the way and rest her head on the pillow. My hand rests on her cheek softly to make sure she doesn't wake up.

"You're so beautiful" I whisper. I place my thumb on her chin before letting go of her face. She could finally rest and I didn't want to ruin that.

So I crawl back into by bed and close my eyes. I hope to dream of us, happy.