Only Us (Justin Fields)

|30| Just Like You

Jillian

Finals end and I find myself packing my bags trying to get most of my belongings in just a few suitcases. For the first time since I got to this college I was spending extended time away from the campus. To be honest I left only once before and that was the first time I went to Georgia last year. Now I got to be there for a little while longer which is pretty cool. I've always wanted to get out in the world and Georgia is an insanely interesting state. It was close to Florida so I knew the basics but had never gotten to explore it. Trust me when I say there isn't any state anything like Florida. As scared as I was, I was excited too.

"You ready for this" Justin asks as I throw my things in his car. Luckily I didn't have too much to start with.

"I think so" I sigh.

"My mom got the spare room all made up for you" he smiles.

"I really appreciate it. I will never understand your motives, why you're so good to me. But I'll never forget it either" I smile back.

"You mean the world to me. I don't know why, or how, but you do. And I want to believe at least some of those feelings are reciprocated" he tries.

"They are" I assure him. Though the meaning of those feelings aren't so clear.

Before we head out for the summer we stop at the bistro one last time. We sit in our usual booth and Ann stops by to talk.

"Can't believe we just start to hang out outside of this place and now you're leaving me. Who else will talk with me about interior designs of my future four bedroom three bathroom house with a circle drive and an interactive basement" she teases.

"You have plenty of other people to talk to besides me" I assure her.

"Maybe. But you're the only friend I trust with a lot of things" she claims.

"F-friend" I ask. She's never called me that before.

"Yeah Jill, friends" she assures me.

We sit and talk for a while before it was time for us to leave. Considering I've tried to end my life twice here you wouldn't think I would have such a hard time leaving. But even when it was hard it was all I knew. It was something I had come to be comfortable with. That I didn't really want to change. But change isn't always a bad thing. It rarely is honestly.

Justin starts the drive and I promise to do the second half. He lets me play any playlist of my choice and we cruise on over to Georgia.

"Can I ask you a question" he starts after about two hours of driving.

"Anything" I insist.

"Do you think I am a good person" he randomly questions.

I turn my head from the window to look at him. His eyes still on the road but I can tell his mind was elsewhere.

"What do you mean" I question. Because that seemed like a crazy question coming from him.

"Like do you think I am someone worth the cost of a life" he reiterates.

I let the car fall silent for a few seconds as I try to figure out what the hell this man could possibly be talking about.

"I'm sorry, but I can't possibly think of a reason for you to ask this question" I confess.

"I have this scenario that plays in my head. I try to ignore it but like once a day recently it replays over and over.

There's this kid, he's maybe 5 or 6 years old. He's pretty young but still bright eyed, full of life. Wearing my jersey so proudly. He's watched every single game I played in, he admires the player I have become.

He looks me in the eyes and tells me that he wants to be like me when he gets older. Instead of smiling and encouraging him my heart drops. The question scares me because if he ends up being like me... would that make him a good person? When he says he wants to be like me that is that a good thing?

I am in the position to really help people. College sports can reach far beyond anything I can imagine. The last thing I would ever want is for a kid to want to be like me... and me not want that because I'm not a good person" he whispers.

"Justin, you're an incredible athlete and a kind soul, but above all you're an amazing person. There is no solid measurement of a good person. You can't count up the good deeds or accomplishments because you cannot compare one life to another. There's no control in this equation therefore there is no good and bad people. Just people who can do good or bad things.

But when it comes down to it, I think you're the best person out there. Your ability to open yourself up even though you know you can get hurt, few people do that. There are so many talented athletes out there who are working just as hard as you are, but I can assure you that none of them can touch your humanity.

I think the world of you Justin. Not just what you do for me but everyone around you, it's all immeasurable. But it's appreciated" I assure him.

"You really think so" he squeals and I laugh.

"Yeah, I do" I promise.

After a pretty long car drive we pull up to his mom's place. He helps me get my things into the spare room which was a little different than the last time I was here. But I wanted to make sure we don't change too much, this is someone's home after all.

"Mom said dinner will be ready by 6" Justin says as he puts up the last of my shoes.

"Okay. I think I'll wash up before then" I insist. Car drives make me want to shower for whatever reason.

"Sounds good. Is there anything else I can help with" he wonders. I just laugh making him furrow his eyebrows. "That wasn't a joke" he pouts.

"It's just you do so much for me then ask me what more you can do. Then you worry what kind of person you are. I can happily tell you any parent should want their kid to want to be like you. They would be lucky to have a loving and thoughtful son like you" I insist.

"Well thanks, that means a lot" he insists.

"Of course" I nod.