Only Us (Justin Fields)

|61| A Change of Heart

Jillian

It was early. About 3 am. The whole city seemed to be sleeping except for Justin and I. We both sit in his bed just looking at one another. My lips still numb from a few hours earlier, my heart still racing. My hand in his as he softly rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand.

Neither of us knew what to say. What had been held in for so long was now out in the air. We didn't know where to go from here. There was times neither of us thought we would get to this point. Now we're here. The truth is out and we're not sure what happens next.

"So what now" he asks making me giggle.

"You're asking the wrong person" I assure him. Between the two of us I figured he would have had a better idea of what the next step is.

"Do you... do you wanna go on a date with me" he asks.

I raise my eyebrow as I slightly turn my head to the side. "Why do you seem so nervous? I'm obviously not going to say no" I tease.

"I know. I just... I want to do this right. So bad. I want to do everything right by you" he explains.

"I don't know what difference between right and wrong is here. But I know you, and I know my love for you. That's enough to go on a date and know that I'll just love you more by the end of it" I say.

"Okay. So what do you want to do" he asks.

"Something fun we can do together" I suggest.

"Okay. What about putt putt? It's outside so that should be okay for us to do. I know you said you wanted to try that someday. Then we can get some dinner afterwards" he suggests.

"That sounds wonderful" I admit.

We both fall asleep in his bed nearly sitting upright and I wake up around 11 am. Justin was still knocked out so I decided to wash up and pick up around the apartment a little. Justin joins me a hour later and we decide to go to the store to pick up a few things.

We walk side by side trying to figure out what we needed or what we wanted to try next. There was the whole six feet apart rule still in effect in stores but since we were in the same household it didn't really matter. I stop in front of the vegetables trying to figure out what we wanted. I notice Justin moving towards me and think nothing of it. Maybe he wanted to grab something on the other side of me or had an opinion on the vegetable he was craving. That is until he suddenly grabs my hand. Usually when he did this it was so I would follow or a safety thing. But I was in no danger and we weren't going anywhere. This was affectionate.

Without looking up I lace my fingers through his. He squeezes my hand making me smile. I wasn't sure if he wanted people to know about whatever this is. I don't mind people knowing, a lot of people had already convinced themselves we were together anyway. It was going to get out eventually, but he was kind of a hot commodity so I'm sure there will be a lot of opinions no one asked for. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining about PDA, there's a good reason he is the most popular man on campus, I just wasn't sure this is what he wanted either.

We start to walk again as I have a basket in one hand and Justin in the other. Once we arrive at the sweets we stop like always. Justin goes through them all to get whatever he felt like now. He adds some vegan brownies to the cart and I have to laugh.

"Why do you like sweets so much" I wonder.

"I guess it's more like a guilty pleasure. There are a lot of things I can't eat as an athlete and you know I'm really good about my diet. But I'm a sucker for the things that are sweet, especially chocolate" he smiles.

I grab some boxes of chocolate and toss them into the basket too. He smiles at me as he pulls me closer with our intertwined fingers.

"I'm so happy my heart chose you" he claims.

My face catches on fire as my eyes run away from him. It's bad enough he does this when we're home, but in public now? How will I ever survive...

"I hope your heart won't lead you astray" I say. Mine has, many times, but I guess it isn't too bad because I'm here now. Maybe it's finally figured it all out.

"It hasn't let me down yet. I'm here with you so it's doing something right" he says.

"I guess so" I smile.

"What about you? What is your heart saying" he wonders.

"My heart is strong. It can be a little confused at times. A little off the path. But it's true and it's loud. It beats for you, Justin" I promise.

"You're not scared anymore" he wonders.

"I don't think falling into love is all that scary, I think the possibility of falling out is what terrifies me. What if you wake up one day and decide you want nothing to do with me" I question.

"That would never happen" he tries.

"You don't know that! What if I can't make it to your games" I ask.

"That never mattered to me. It's nice to have you there but you have a life too. If you can make it awesome if not I still want to see you when I get home" he claims.

"What if I broke both of my hands and couldn't cook anymore" I say.

"I've admired you enough while cooking, I think I can keep us both alive" he laughs.

"And what if the love leaves me. Not because of anything you do... but because of me... the way my heart had been broken so many times before that... that it can't handle the love you give me" I trail off.

He grabs my other hand and turns to me making me stop. His eyes don't dim for a second as he smiles at me, all the confidence in the world. "I have spent so much time finding different ways to show you love. And if you think that's going to stop now that we're together you're wrong. I will spend every single day reminding you of all the ways that I love you. And the days you feel like you love has left you alone, mine will be there to keep you company. Forever" he promises.

I smile like an idiot as I nod. "Okay. I can live with that" I admit.