Only Us (Justin Fields)

|36| Late Night Hoops

Justin

As the summer crawls along I try my best to do everything I need and see everyone I want. It sucks because it never feels like there is enough time in the day. Days in a week or weeks in a month. And as much as I would like to act like I can pull all nighters to cover every base I value my sleep too much.

Tonight it was a little harder to sleep. I had a lot going through my mind and my eyes would close but that's about it. Instead of tossing and turning in bed for the fourth straight hour I decide to grab a cold glass of water.

I start to make my way down the stairs but I stop at the bottom. The light over the stove in the kitchen was on and know I turned it off before going upstairs earlier.

My head peaks around the corner and I see Jillian sitting there with a book and a cup of what I am assuming is tea. I myself wasn't much of a tea drinker but she had decaf teas on hand for any occasion. Swear she kept it in her pockets.

"You know if you don't get enough sleep it is bad for your brain" I tease as a grab a glass from the cabinet and fill it with ice and water.

"You're up too" she reminds me.

"Yeah but I know I haven't been up nearly as long as you have" I insist.

"Probably not" she admits.

"Why did you come down here" I wonder.

"Was tired of staring at the ceiling. Plus your mom made me a batch of peanut butter cookies and hid them" she smiles pulling out a cookie to show me. From where I wasn't sure but I don't think she will be sharing this secret with me.

"When do you rest" I question as I sit across the island from her. I take a long drink to alleviate my thirst.

"I think I've been running off so little sleep for so long my body is adapted. It never really gets tired because my brain is always on guard, especially at night" she says.

"Why's that" I wonder.

She bites her lip as she starts to pick at the nail polish on her fingers. I notice she puts it on just so she can pick it off. One of her many anxious habits she has. Just like biting her lip.

"Nights were when I was most vulnerable. A lot of my bad memories happened at night when no one was awake to hear my screams. It made it easier to turn a blind eye when they couldn't see.

One time I had another foster kid sneak in and chop off a chunk of my hair while I slept in my bed. She wanted curly hair, hers was as straight as a pencil. Since she couldn't have curls in her hair she decided I shouldn't have it either. I had another foster parent sneak into my bed and wouldn't leave until the sun came up. Many nights he fought his way into my bed and everyone in the house knew it, no one said a word.

And so to protect myself I didn't sleep much. Closes the window of someone doing something to me" she explains.

I feel my chest tighten as I just stare at her. God I wish I knew the words to say to her to make her feel better. But I'm not sure there are words. Nothing will make what happened to her okay.

"I hate that you had to go through that" I whisper.

"It made me stronger" she tries.

"You were a kid... you didn't need to be strong" I insist.

"No. But I was. Stronger than I knew. I never thought I would make it here, but here I am. That little girl sitting against the door so no one can get in was the strongest person around and she didn't even know it. Looking back I see that I did a lot of things to protect myself without even realizing it. And it sucks that it came down to memorizing the sound of their footsteps to know when to run and when to hide, but I persevered so I can sit here with you" she says with a sad smile.

"I guess we don't really need sleep right now. We can do something fun" I insist trying to make light of our late night.

"Like what" she wonders.

"When I was a kid my sisters and I would sneak out back and shoot hoops at my dad's place. Naturally Jess was the best and she plays basketball all over the country. Hence why she isn't here much this summer. But Jaiden and I did it for fun" I insist.

"Can we go over and get her" Jill smirks.

"You get her and I'll get the ball" I insist.

After five minutes we were all three at my dad's house standing in the driveway. Of course Jill didn't know how to shoot so we show her the basics. Once she gets the hang of it we play horse for a hour.

The area was filled with laughter and smiles. Jaiden looked like she was having the time of her life. We used to do this a lot over the summers. Dad would come out and yell at us for being loud so late but it never did stop us.

By 3 am my step mom was downstairs asking what we were doing. We explain the situation and she lets out a sigh.

"Alright... let me get changed" she says.

"For what" I ask.

"It's about time I school you kids in the game of basketball" she smiles as I raise my eyebrows.

"You're playing" I ask.

"She's actually pretty good. Momma just didn't want to lose to Jess when she was around" Jaiden teases.

"Damn right" my step mom claims making me chuckle.

She changes and she joins our game of horse. She played a little ball back in the day but couldn't touch what Jess can do. Most can't anyway. But she had never played with us before. I was happy to share this memory and for Jillian to maybe have a new core memory to kick out some of the bad.

Eventually my step mom and Jaiden tap out and Jillian and I return to our respective house. I grab my phone and shoot her a text knowing she was still up.

Thanks for playing with us tonight. I had a lot of fun.

I wasn't expecting an answer back but she replies rather quickly.

Thank you for sharing your family traditions with me. I really felt safe out there. I think I have nothing to worry about here. Besides missing out on some late night games.

Let's not make that a habit. I'm not sure the neighbors would like that. But whenever you want we can always play a game until we're tired enough to sleep.

That sounds wonderful.

Eventually I fall asleep and wake back up around 11 am. I get out of bed and wash up before joining the real world. Only when I get downstairs Jillian was nowhere to be found.

"Where's Lilly" I ask my mom.

"She's still asleep" she says. 

"Really" I gasp. This late?

"Yeah. She's passed out up there" she admits.

I smile to myself knowing she felt safe enough to sleep here. I hope she knows that as long as I am around I wouldn't let anyone close enough to hue her.