Only Us (Justin Fields)

|59| Like The Wind

Jillian

Justin is a very empathetic person. I don't want to call him emotional because he has his emotions in check, it's just that there is a lot of them. And he feels so deeply for others. Completely selfless and is willing to sacrifice a lot for the ones he loves. Can connect with someone with just a look.

One of his friends is going through a bad break up and he wanted to invite him over to give him some support. They play a few video games and eat while I hide away in my room. I know I could have joined them but it wasn't my place and I didn't want to make things awkward. I finish a whole book before Justin's friend leaves. He knocks on the door letting me know it's safe to come out. So I head to the kitchen and fix myself a glass of water.

"So how is he doing" I wonder.

"It's pretty rough" he sighs as he falls on the couch.

"Will he be okay" I wonder.

"I think so. But the issue is that he still loves her and she claims she doesn't feel the same way" he explains. "I can't even fathom how that could happen."

"Is that so crazy to think about" I challenge.

"If someone loves another person there's no way they don't feel the same too" he tries.

"That's not entirely true" I insist. The room falls silent as he turns around in the couch to look at me.

"You're saying someone can be head over heels in love with another person and that person doesn't feel anything" he asks.

"Well... yeah. Peoples emotions affect one another but you can't force feelings on someone else. Therefore you can love someone and that doesn't mean they have to love you back" I explain.

"That sounds awful" he whispers.

"You can't change the way a person feels the same way you can't change which way the wind blows. The feelings are there, but they themselves have no control so how could someone else possible control it? I think that's the most frustrating thing about people. Now matter what you do, how you change yourself, it can never change the way someone truly feels. Love, hate, they're so powerful. They push and pull people but you can't stop it.

If someone loves, you cannot deny them that feeling. Just as you cannot make someone love you. I think too many fail to understand that sometimes it doesn't matter how you look, what you do, there is no changing fate. Even if you feel strongly about something it doesn't mean someone else will ever feel the same.

When I was little I hated olives. The thought of them was enough to send me into a fit. So my foster parents would try to sneak them into my food. I was a kid, they thought they could outsmart me. And I found them every single time. Would spit them right out and start crying. In every form I could not stand those things. Even when I couldn't see them, smell them, my feelings towards them were so strong that I couldn't not be swayed.

But there's also things I love that I know no matter what, I'll always love them. Like the smell of rain first thing in the morning, or watching a butterfly enter the world reborn. I will always love those things just as I will always loathe olives" I say.

"Feelings can change though" he tries.

"Of course they can. Because they're already there. Just like the wind, it was already there and it can change its direction. But we cannot create wind in someone else's field, and we cannot take away their wind from their field either. As long as there is something to build on it can change" I explain.

"I think that if you love someone that can affect the way they feel too" he insists.

"I think so too" I confess and he gasps. "But it can only act on feelings that were already there. It can grow them, belittle them. But it cannot create feelings that were never there."

He just nods his head as he sits back on the couch. "Why the sudden interest" I ask him.

"I was just thinking" he shrugs.

"I spent my whole life trying to understand the concept of feelings. Where they go, where they come from. What do they mean and what can they do? They're so complex and vary from person to person. So how could I possibly understand them" I say.

"Have you ever loved, or hated" how wonders.

"I thought I had hate in my heart. But then I realized it was something way worse. I was indifference. It wasn't that I hated these people, it was that I didn't care. Once you no longer have a care in this world, the feelings evaporate entirely. The wind just doesn't blow... it's terrifying. It's painful. As still as a world that has completely stopped turning. Not even olives deserve that" I explain.

"And love" he wonders.

I smile as I look down at my hands.

"That one is still changing. It was always there but it can go by a different name, disguise itself until you get to know it better. It starts to take shape until one day you know exactly what it is. That's the undeniable thing about these feelings. I know this love and no one can take it from me. It's an incredible feeling. That emptiness that indifference has provided is gone. In its place is something that you might lose one day, but it makes you hold on that much tighter" I smile.

"I'm happy for you" he claims. "I always wanted you to feel something. And I always wanted it to be good but I know how impossible that would be. But I hope you always have that feeling, no matter which way the wind blows."

I sit down next to him in the couch before throwing my legs into his lap. I hand him a glass of water and he sets it by the tissues his friend was using.

"What about you" I ask him. Suddenly he didn't feel like talking.

"I've felt love my whole life. But the love I feel now is... different" he says.

"Different good or different bad" I ask.

"It changed my whole life" he answers. Still didn't say if it was good or bad...