Only Us (Justin Fields)

|14| The Right To Choose

Jillian

I've never had a friend group. Academically I didn't have to try to pass. If I really wanted to I could apply myself and make the deans list. But academics is more of an interest to me than a way of living. I don't live and die by grades based off of what others believes I should know. I study to learn not to retain for a short while then forget later. I'm not all that goal oriented. But I do enjoy attending classes and learning. Anything I can get my hands on really, even if it doesn't pertain to anything I'm doing at the moment. It's not for a matter of education but a matter of knowing. This way I can never fall at the hands of ignorance again.

"Are you sure this is a good idea" I ask Justin as I trail behind him. His shadow seemed to give me comfort as I hide in it.

He insisted I joined his study group today and I didn't have a good enough excuse to turn him down. It's not like I do anything.

"Of course! My friends had been asking about you and I told them you're like the smartest person I know. They were practically begging me to bring you to this study session" he claims

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this" I confess.

I've been here on campus a lot longer than Justin yet he is the one with the study group and I am not. There's a reason for this even if it isn't a good reason. Once we open this door I am not sure I can close it again. And maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I need to make friends so I don't rely on Justin so much. But that's easier said than done.

"I can see that look in your eyes. You are not going to be a nuisance. Not to me and not to people you don't even know. If you're worried about connections this is a pretty big university, you might never see these people again. But... if you want you can make friends and you can see them whenever you want. It's up to you" he promises. It's like he sees right through me.

"Okay" I sigh.

We go into the study hall where people were sitting around a long table. There were two seats right in the middle and I pray people just ignore me. With Justin around that's pretty easy. Even though he hasn't even played a game of football he is all anyone talks about.

I go to sit down and I see the chair move on its own. Justin stands behind it smiling big. He gestures to the seat and I do as he intended me to. If there is one thing about him it is that he will always be polite. I could tell when we were in Georgia for Christmas his whole family is about doing things the right way. Not a lot of people are like that anymore so you can bet your ass I was going to appreciate it whenever I can.

"Thank you" I say softly as he sits next to me.

They get right to it about a bunch of different subjects. From what I can tell there was a wide variety of majors. While that might not make a lot of sense on the studying side of things, it brought more to the table as well. So I do what I do best and sit and listen.

"What do you think Lilly" Justin asks me in the middle of a discussion. The table falls silent as everyone's eyes fall to me. Suddenly I felt like I was going to throw up.

"About banning books" I ask. That seemed to be what most people were talking about around the table.

"Yeah. What's your opinion" he asks again.

I was never much for sharing my opinion. Never thought someone actually wanted to hear it. But as I look around I see people waiting to know what I think. Now it was the matter of getting my point across.