Justin
It was finally gameday on the Ohio State University campus, the first of my career. I have no idea what was going to happen. If I'll be successful, if I'll fall flat on my face. I have goals and dreams, some a little out of reach but nothing is impossible.
I walk out of the bathroom to finish getting ready for the game. After drying my hair and changing I look into the mirror. A long sigh passes my lips as I close my eyes. I think about the time Jillian told me to close my eyes then tell me what I saw. Didn't really understand it back then. But only now can I see my dreams in all their beauty. All the things I can do, will do. All that's left is to do them.
With it being a noon game it was a pretty early start. I'm not much of a late nighter anyway. Even though we spend the night before in a hotel I still like to do my own thing.
Before I get to the bus I see my parents hanging out in the lobby. They planned on staying for all the home games which was really nice. Jaiden would make it to the games she could and even Jessica for the big ones.
To my surprise I see Jillian there with them and immediately perk up. I wasn't planning on going over to them but now my feet were going on their own.
As soon as I reach Jillian I pull her into a hug. Our relationship has never been much physical contact but all I wanted was to be in her arms right now. Without hesitation her arms wrap around me too. And as I close my eyes I dream again but this one a little more real and a little more terrifying. As all dreams should be.
"What are you doing here" I whisper in her ear.
"Your parents asked me to breakfast. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to see you before you go" she confesses.
We break apart but I keep her in my arms. Didn't even acknowledge my family. All I wanted was her.
"You got some time" I ask.
"Do you" she counters.
"I got a few minutes" I smile.
I didn't. But for her I could find some.
We go to the little cafe they had in the lobby of the hotel. It was like 7 am, no one was out here. I buy her a drink and we sit down at a table.
"Are you nervous" she asks me.
"That obvious huh" I laugh.
"I'm so used to you walking around so sure of yourself. It's weird to see you with uneasyness" she claims.
"I'm not worried about the game. This is a non conference game and it shouldn't take much to beat them. But there's a lot of opinions about me out there. If I slip up there will be plenty of people there to curse me. Probably to death" I laugh.
"One cannot be cursed with death, there is nothing to curse in the end. But you can be cursed to live. To live on every day carrying burdens, fighting for happiness" she says.
"I hate how you speak of death so easily" I whisper.
"Death is an old friend of mine" she claims.
"Old friend" I ask.
"We knew each other well. Like a neighbor who lives in the apartment complex above you. She would stomp when she walked to remind me she's near. Pour oil down the drain to ruin my pipes. But she also offered me an end to the means. Told me that she would take all my troubles away.
And she would have, I considered it a time or two. Sometimes it felt as easy as going upstairs, knocking on her door and shaking her hand. Then everything would be over. But if I let my her break me down she wins, she will have everything and I am left with nothing. Doesn't seem fair" she explains.
"That's okay cause you have a new friend. One that is more than okay with helping you carry the curse of living" I promise.
She just smiles as her eyes fall to her drink. It looked like she even put makeup on. I didn't even know she was going out with my family this morning but without even realizing it she has become a part of me. Maybe even... the biggest part of me.
"Justin! Let's go" someone calls out loud enough to make me jump. Jill just smiles up at me melting my insides.
"Go ahead. I'll always be rooting you on.
And just remember. The curse you have to live is large, it is heavier than most. For all that you are and all that you want to do, you are the only one capable of breaking that curse. Making it a dream. But I know you can do it, then soon enough neither life nor death can touch you" she explains.
I sit there frozen for a second before someone calls my name again.
"I'm sorry" I whisper. "I have to go."
"Thanks okay" she smiles.
I quickly stand up and jog over to the doors. I say hi to my family before hopping on the bus. I take my seat near the front and wait for everyone to get settled. My head rests on the window as I close my eyes once again.
Really wish she would stop saying shit like that and then going on her merry way. Now I have to diffuse this stuff out myself instead of just letting her tell me what to do. I feel the weight of the life I live every single day. The expectations both from myself and those around me. The dreams I share with many but more passionately than most. I feel it all. And I give her a hard time about her fight with death not realizing mine with life is just as complicated.
"You're thinking hard" someone says and I look up. I see my center Carter sitting down next to me making himself comfortable.
"First game" I try.
"That's not it. You could smoke just about any team in college football with your eyes closed" he accuses.
"I appreciate the faith" I admit.
"So what's really going on" he wonders.
A soft sigh passes my lips as I shake my head. "I don't even know man" I confess.
"Is that girl you were just sitting with the girl you talk about? Jillian right" he asks.
"Yeah that's her" I smile.
"Look at you cheesin" he teases as he nudges my arm. "Didn't think you would care about anything but football."
"It's complicated. Beyond anything I could ever explain. We're not together but it really doesn't feel like that nowadays. She's going out with my family, every time I close my eyes to dream I think of her. She said living is a curse, and it is. There's agreements to meet, for every good thing the bad will come with it. But how can it be a curse when she's a part of it" I ask.
He just stares at me with a shit eating grin on his face. "She's got you all crazy" he teases.
"Tell me something I don't know" I roll my eyes.
"Well I'm happy for you. I don't have answers but something tells me you will figure it all out. You both will" he insists.
YOU ARE READING
Only Us (Justin Fields)
FanfictionJillian had lived enough life to see that things weren't getting better. She knew the future she wanted was never to be. A life long struggle with depression and far had taken its toll. Right as she was about to put an end to the suffering a man ap...
