Only Us (Justin Fields)

|20| Make Me Happy

Justin

Now that it's the beginning of April things start to come to an end. Classes end next month and practices will also come to a halt for part of the summer. But not before the much anticipated spring game.

"So you're playing football against yourself" Jillian asks as we sit at a bench near the quad. We had just finished up our class together and we hadn't been able to sit and talk for a while. So we find a nice bench to catch up on.

"Pretty much. We get put on to two teams and just scrimmage" I shrug.

"Is that productive? Can you hit even each other" she wonders.

"It depends on how you look at it. We have a new coach and I'm a new quarterback, so in a lot of ways it will be helpful to get a feel for the system. But we can't hit each other and we know all the plays so I guess it would be reaching to say it's productive" I confess.

"Ah, I see. You just want to show off" she teases.

"I would be lying if I said that wasn't a little true. Sporting events are also performances. For the fans and the crowds. But I still think it is a great chance for me to get my feet wet too. Plus it gives my family an excuse to come out" I shrug.

"Oh! Your family will be here" she asks. Almost with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Yeah! It'll be the first time they've been in Ohio since my birthday. They're really excited to be back. I told them we're still close and they're expecting to see you at some point during the trip" I admit.

She smiles to herself as she looks down. "That's cool. I would love to see them again" she nods.

"Do you want to come to the game? I can get you a pass and you can even come down on the field afterwards. Get the whole experience" I insist.

"Would you like that" she asks.

"What do you mean" I quizzed.

"Would me being there make you happy" she reiterated.

This seemed like one of those questions that was layered. Like if I answered one way or another I answer another question she didn't even ask.

"Before I answer... can I ask you something first" I counter.

"Sure" she shrugs.

"If I said something made me happy would you do it" I question.

"Of course" she claims.

"Without any hesitation" I ask.

"Yes" she replied.

"Even if it's stupid" I try.

"Anything you want" she stands her ground.

I lightly flick her forehead making her furrow her eyebrows. "Hey" she gasps rubbing her finger over the spot I flicked her.

"Don't do something simply because it would make me happy! That's insane" I tell her.

"Let me counter" she defends. "Would you ever ask me to do something that would hurt me?"

"Never" I scoff.

"Okay, so then what do I have to worry about" she counters.

"I'm not worried about you doing something you're not supposed to. You have morals and I would rather die than make you to do something that would go against them. But what if you simply don't want to do it" I try.

Her eyes darken and I could tell in a moment she knew this was my question all along. She knew I would never ask her to do something bad yet that's what she inferred so she didn't have to answer this question. Unfortunately for her it was inevitable. "I don't want you just saying yes to me all the time. I love having you around and I want to see you grow. To share experiences with you and to be by your side for as long as I can. But you can't just agree to whatever it is I ask if you simply because I want you to."

"But what if I want it too" she says softly. Her eyes shift from me as she looks at her jeans. "What if what I want is to make you happy? Even if it's not something I would do otherwise."

The whole area goes still and it's like the entire world froze. Her eyes still stuck on her jeans like if she looked away they would shrivel up.

I reach over and softly cup her cheek. She looks up to me, her eyes glassy. I know her saying this was hard. Scary in every imaginable way. I appreciate how hard she is trying to communicate her feelings to me. It took a lot for us to get here and I wasn't going to ever let her go.

"All I want is for you to live your own life. Create happy memories and find a purpose to all of this. Even if there isn't one you can do some pretty amazing things trying to figure it out. I don't want you doing whatever it is you think would make me happy. If it makes you happy then that should be enough" I insist.

"But I like your smile. I think you have an incredible one. And your eyes sparkle when you smile for real. If I can make you smile like that... well nothing would make me happier" she confesses.

I finally let go of her face as I toss my hands on my knees. I stand up and reach my hand out for her to take. If that is what would make her happy.

She pauses for a moment before placing her hand in mine. I pull her up as we turn to walk. I keep her hand in mine not really ready to let her go.

"You never answered my original question" she states. I raise an eyebrow at her pondering what question she was referring to. I smile when I realize which one it was.

"It would make me very happy if you came to the game. My parents and sisters have been asking about you and I'm sure they would love to see you there too" I smile.

She smiles back as she squeezes my hand. "Then I'll be there. And I'll be happy to be there" she promises.

Before we start walking again she pulls me close. She leans over so only I could hear her. There were a few people around but I rarely notice them anymore when she's by my side. "Thank you for talking with me today. It wasn't easy but it was nice to say the things I never thought I would have the chance to say."

My eyes get big as I stare at her. Did she really just say that?

"I-" I start but the words get stuck. I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say. How does one respond to that?

"Oh look! They planted the spring flowers" she says breaking me out of my stare. With my hand still in hers she pulls me along the sidewalk to get a better look at the flowers.

I finally come back to reality when she lets go of my hand. It made me incredibly sad when she did, but she bends down to take a better look at the flowers and I knew there was no stopping her. I smile as she admires the fresh soil from the new planting.

"You think they will grow big and strong" she wonders.

"Every single day" I smile.