Only Us (Justin Fields)

|74| A Place for Flowers

Jillian

Growing up I never cared much for Thanksgiving. Then again what was there to be thankful up for? I only got the food on the table was what was left over from the "real" kids in the family. No one even considered my family. The clothes on my back were never my own, them and me just belonged to someone else. I never felt a lick of love and I couldn't stand this country so why should I care?

And to be honest I still don't care much for the holiday. Call me a Scrooge if you would like but it is hard for something to mean something when it hasn't meant anything for so long.

Maybe that changes this year? We were spending the holiday with Justin's family in Georgia and even my brother was going to join us. Usually football is taking over during this time but Justin has a Bye week and Florida is playing a night game on Saturday so my brother could drive up. Maybe this is the year where I find meaning in this fickle holiday.

We meet up with Dante at the airport and bring him to Justin's mom's house. It was already loud and smelled like good food. For the first time since Covid started his extended family got together so it was nice to meet these people and not have to talk over zoom. You couldn't even tell there was two people not in this family here to be honest. We blended right in with the. 

I sit in Justin's lap as we watch the first game of the day. My brother next to me talking X's and O's with Justin and his dad. After a while it all gets a bit much for me so I excuse myself. Too much of a good thing is never a good thing. No one did anything wrong, I just needed time for myself in these situations.

I head to his mom's garden, I remember planting some of the stuff back here with Justin and his mom. My fingers softly run across the petals. So much has changed since we planted these. Since I planted the seed to my life too. And I've grown and my roots extending farther than I've ever imagined. Yet I still look around this insanely beautiful garden growing in the fall of Georgia and can't help but notice how beautiful all the other flowers are too. So bright and full of life.

"There you are" a familiar voice says and I turn back to the house. Justin was walking over with his hands in his pockets. The red flannel might be a little too on the nose for the day but he still looked criminally good.

"You always know where to find me" I smile.

"Well it's usually where the people aren't" he teases as I roll my eyes. "Plus I know how you think. This garden means something to you so I figured it's where you would be."

"Some of my first good memories really. It's nice being back" I admit.

"Why are you really out here" he wonders as he finally makes his way over. He crouches down next to me to reach out and touch the flowers too.

"Can I be honest with you" I ask.

"Of course" he promises.

"It's kind of hard to not feel exceedingly ordinary in a house of extraordinary people like this. Jess is a phenomenal basketball player, Jaiden already has tons of scholarship offers for softball. You and Dante are college football superstars and that's only accounting of the physical talents. Intellectually they surpass most. And then there's me... it's not that I don't feel like I don't belong. But I also don't know my place in all of that" I confess.

A soft sigh passes his lips. I asked if I can be honest not because I didn't think he wouldn't understand. Rather I was afraid he wouldn't like my declaration . And I know he doesn't, every time I put myself down he is right there next to me lifting me up.

"There are a lot of amazing people in this world. Even just in my family. But there is one girl who brings them all together. Who they all look up to in the highest regards. If all those people you think so highly of you, then what does that make you" he asks.

"I think you're over selling me" I accuse.

"I don't think I am" he claims. "My sisters think you are the greatest person alive. They ask about you all the time, if you can tutor them if we're coming home, what you made for dinner. And my parents, they don't want another kid to worry about but you... they care about you so much. They want you to be happy like you are their own flesh and blood. And Dante, he adores you. Doesn't want anyone else in the world to be his sister.

So you can sit here and look at a garden full of flowers worried that you'll never reach the heights of others. But you have to realize they're up there because of you" he claims.

I rest my head on his shoulder as I smile. How lucky am I to have someone as amazing as him?

"I love you so much" I whisper. Only for him to hear.

"I love you too Lilly" he assured me.

We go back inside and it was time to eat. We fix our plates and sit around to eat. As usual I stay quiet and I observe. I listen to the stories of Justin's family and soak up as much as I can remember. For so long the family aspect of my life was non existent. And now, thanks to Justin, I have blood family as well as a found family too. Maybe Thanksgiving wasn't all that bad.

The day comes to an end and I help his mom clean up. I liked cleaning and I helped make the mess anyway. We wash and dry dishes as the boys finish up the last football game. I could tell she wanted to say something but didn't know how to bring it up.

"You still like the garden huh" she asks.

"You've done a beautiful job with it. I don't know how you do it. All those beautiful flowers" I admit.

"They didn't grow over night you know" she says. My drying gets a little slower as I place the plate on the table. "It took time, it took me a while to figure out where each flower goes and what it needs. What I can do to help it grow. But grow it has and now look at it."

"It's stunning" I confess.

"And so are you. So don't compare yourself to other flowers. You're beautiful all on your own" she says.