..but I still want you // OT7 [COMPLETED]

38 || Best Intentions

DANBI

Danbi POV

By the time I make it home, I have vomit in my hair and down the front of my shirt. My insides feel like they have been torn to shreds which makes it painful to walk properly.

Once in the safety of my own apartment, I rush to the bathroom to completely empty my stomach. I knew better than to drink so much liquor from those little glasses because they are always stronger than the beer Kookie gives me sips of when I pester him for a while.

Speaking of.. where is my fiancé?

"Koo-" I dry heave. "Kookie!?"

The silence of the apartment is my only reply. As I vomit again, I remember Jimin saying Kookie left me to him which probably means Kookie went to his partner again.

I don't like being without him. I am still very upset that he would plan such a thing behind my back with Jimin of all people, but I still love him.

And to hear Kookie's nickname for me from Jimin's mouth makes me gag again. The lewd way Jimin stared at me in the ice cream shop was more verification than I needed that we are not right for each other. He needs to get over it.

The fates made a mistake. I have never understood the whole trifecta situation even after it was explained to me by my mother when I was a teenager.

The question I had then is the same one I have now: why can't we be fully monogamous?

Is the idea of loving, caring, and being intimate with only one person so absurd?

Why should we trust in what some unseen entity makes us feel for some random person we cross on the street?

Crying my way across the floor, I turn on the tap to fill the bath with warm water. The lower half of my body hurts inside and out from the rash decision I made.

The throbbing has stopped; in its place is an ache that increases each time I move. I pull my shirt over my head and my nightie comes off with it. I scowl tossing the material across the tiled floor.

My nipples hurt. Namjoon pulled at them too harshly when I only wanted them caressed.

I stand from the floor to stare at my reflection in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. Deep sobs escape me as I pull down my sweats and I yelp at the soreness when my panties pull away from my center.

The first thing I notice are the darkening spots on both hips. I tried to get Namjoon to loosen his grip on me because it hurt, but he held me tighter and continued to pound himself into my body.

The next thing I observe makes me cover my mouth. There is blood on the insides of my thighs, on the crotch of my panties, and inside of my gray sweatpants.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I audibly release all of my embarrassment and pain. This wasn't how I ever thought I would feel after my first sexual encounter.

I carefully climb into the bath and take a seat. I have to adjust myself a few times as my lady parts and bottom are quite sore from the man's roughness.

Maybe I should have told him I had never been intimate before tonight. Would that have made him go easier on me?

Would that be a turn off for him?

I lay back against the side of the tub sinking down until the water covers my lips. Spreading my legs open helps the water reach the sensitive areas which is where I need relief the most.

I don't know how calling for a partner works, but I tried to do it tonight. Every step of the way, I tried to mentally relay my needs and feelings but it soon became apparent Namjoon couldn't hear me.

It was only after he'd taken my virginity that I realized my attempt at calling had failed.

I empty and refill the tub several times when the water cools for a while. I don't want to leave my porcelain safety.

Once I finally muster the energy to clean myself thoroughly and wash my hair, I drain the water for the last time and ease myself out of the tub. I don't ever want to see the clothes I wore tonight again so I wad them into a ball and stuff them into a trash bag in the kitchen.

I grab one of my Kookie's tee shirts to sleep in without any bottoms.

Pulling my knees to my chest, I curl up into the bedsheets on my side with my arms wrapped around Kookie's pillow and my face buried into the soft fluffiness. It is the only part of the bed that still has his scent anymore.

A part of me considers sleeping on our sofa where my honey stays a night or two a week, but I have a hard time remembering the last night he even spent at home. He leaves me when I ask for his help to stop my throbbing.

I don't believe I will have that issue for a while.

Crying myself to sleep isn't new for me. Each night I am not in Kookie's arms I allow my tears to fall freely soaking my own flattened pillow in heartache.

It isn't until I feel Kookie's kisses against the side of my head that I realize it is daytime and another sad, lonely night has passed. He lays behind me with one arm laid over my body to tickle my cheek and chin with a pink tulip.

Blinking a few times to clear my vision, I nearly jump from the excitement of having my honey home with me again, but a pain shoots through my lady parts with the first slight movement I make. I pinch my eyes shut.

"Honeybee, please don't be angry with me. I have only the best of intentions for you."

Biting back the pain, I softly reply "I know."

"I miss the way we used to be and thought if you were finally able to make a connection, we could make things better between us."

I don't say anything. A tear falls from my eye.

Kookie kisses the side of my head again. He rests the tulip on the pillow in front of me to lay his palm over my hip.

I wince in pain when the weight of his hand presses my bruised skin.

"I love you so much, Danbi."

"I love you too, Kookie."

"So.. will you tell me about last night?" He sounds so hopeful.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Sighing, he drops his head onto my shoulder. "Please tell me you didn't send Jimin away again."

I was actually the one to leave. "No, I didn't send Jimin away again."

Kookie raises his head. "Did you call for the man? Please tell me you did."

"Yes, I called for the man." But Namjoon couldn't hear me.

He bounces happily on the bed. It jars my body too much exacerbating the ache between my thighs.

"Did my Honeybee finally lose her virginity?"

I choke back sobs. "I did."

Kookie kisses as much of my head and shoulders as he can reach. "That's so great to hear, Danbi! I'm so happy for you!"

He gives me the best hug he has given in months. He hums happily against my cheek as he leaves one last kiss.

"My first time was nerve-wrecking, but I wouldn't change a thing. The bonding experience between partners is a sensational feeling. I bet you will remember last night forever."

I struggle to hold in my sobs. "I am sure I won't ever forget it."

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a/n: poor, poor Danbi..