..but I still want you // OT7 [COMPLETED]

39 || Pushing Boundaries

NAMJOON & ALANA

Namjoon POV

"No fu-reaking way!" Alana gasps at me over exaggerating her jaw drop.

I don't reply. I hang my head continuing to pack the cardboard box in front of me with Alana's belongings.

"Why would you fu- have sex with- some random chik in an alley? You don't know who she's been with! What's wrong with you, Namjoon?"

"I was weak. No woman has looked like they were even remotely attracted to me since Amèlie passed."

I wipe my hands over my face still not looking into Alana's eyes. "And I came too close to breaking our tether because of my needs."

"Namjoon.." She sighs sitting back from her own packing box and onto her feet.

"Don't say I'm wrong because I know I'm not. I made you uncomfortable by touching you the way I did and I understand that you are still leery of me. It makes sense."

"It didn't make me uncomfortable."

Raising my head I blink up to her wordlessly.

Alana fiddles with her nose ring. "I panicked because I felt myself becoming.." She pauses and chews the inside of her cheek.

"You liked the way I touched you?"

She nods meekly. "This is probably TMI, but my nipples are super sensitive. Your hands and mouth felt so different from my partner's and I was worried that I enjoyed your touch too much."

"But the atmosphere between us has been so different since that happened. We stopped seeing each other as often and the few times we have, we haven't been as affectionate."

Alana closes a fully packed box and seals it with tape. I'm nearly positive she does it to have her attention anywhere that isn't on me.

"I accept the blame for that. I, uhm.. I told my partner that I allowed you to touch me and he gets a bit possessive sometimes. He and I spent more time together which may have edged into the time you and I usually spent together."

The nervousness in her tone is telling. "You liked the way I touched you more than the way he touched you and he knew that."

Peeping through her lashes, Alana's answer sounds like a kitten mewling. "Yeah."

"But you said we don't work that way."

"And I still believe that. I wouldn't allow anything to progress because, firstly, I am already connected and, secondly, in your mind I don't believe it would actually be me you were doing things with."

I know what she means even if I don't respond to her observation.

"You haven't moved on from Amèlie, Joon. You are still looking for her in every woman and listening for her voice when deep down you know she isn't coming back."

"I think I hurt her." I choke out.

"Amèlie?"

"No. The woman in the alley. I think I may have been too rough with her and I don't know how to find her to see if she is okay."