My Blind Date is a Gangster | Taejin ✓

47. Scared

✴ Author-nim ✴

As soon as Jin, Taehyung and Soobin entered the door of Jin's penthouse, Namjoon jerked up from the sofa and ran to them.

"Joon, why aren't you in school?!" Taehyung said, surprised to see him as he thought his brother was still in school.

"Hobi-hyung and Jimin-hyung fetched me up from uni as they're worried of my safety. So I skipped the rest of my classes. They didn't say why though, they just said it's better if I stay here and wait for you to arrive. How are you? What happened?!.. Jin-hyung, are those blood stains on your shirt?"

Jin looked down on his shirt, not noticing that he had some specs of blood on it that must've come from the man that Taehyung shot in front of him. He stayed silent for a while, recalling the image of what happened in his mind. As everyone was waiting for his response, Taehyung saw that Jin seemed to be anxious.

"Jin, baby? Maybe you should take a warm shower and go get changed." Taehyung said calmly. "Namjoon-ah, I'll explain everything to you later, hmm? For the meantime, can you help Soobin to get cleaned and change into new clothes as well? They went through some hard time earlier, just please help him relax."

"Yeah, hyung, no problem. Soobin-hyung, please come with me. I have new clothes from Jin-hyung that I haven't used yet." Namjoon said as he turned to Soobin. The latter nodded and made a final glance at Jin, still silent and thinking deep.

"Baby? How are you feeling? Shall I help you clean up?" Taehyung said, walking closer to Jin. But Jin stepped back and shook his head, "No, it's fine. I-- uhm, I'll take a shower m-myself."

Taehyung nodded, biting his lips, as he watched Jin quickly made his way into the master's bedroom. He sighed deeply, feeling strange at how Jin behaved just now.

*******

✴ Seokjin ✴

I removed my clothes as I got into the bathroom and locked the door before me. I put them all aside into a new laundry bag, not wanting them to mix with the others.

I sighed as I open the faucet and washed my hands with the lavender-scented handwash foam. While I watch my hands under the flowing water, I wonder what kind of feeling is this. I don't know why I still feel kind of scared, even if I know that I am now safe here with Tae.

When I looked at the mirror, I didn't realize I'm in tears again. Then the image of that man shot in front of me rushed into my memory again. I closed my eyes and shook my head, feeling my tears are flowing down my cheeks.

I don't know what to think. I just couldn't imagine there will come a day that I will witness such a thing. I've known from the start what Tae does for a living, and he's been honest with me every time. Therefore, I should already be expecting this. But I think I just didn't realize how real it was, until I saw it with my own eyes.

The Taehyung I saw earlier was like very new to me. Though I know he came there to protect me, thoughts of him killing people even before we met, or who knows until when, without any hesitation just scared me. It scared me to see that the man I love was a gangster, he is a gangster - something I thought I can accept, but now, I don't know anymore..

*******

After I took a shower, I put on my robe and dried my hair. Tae is not yet here inside the bedroom. Maybe I should check on him. I may have made him uncomfortable earlier by how I acted. I really didn't mean to, I think I just needed a bit of time to process what happened.

I stepped out and went to the living room, Soobin must still be in Namjoon's room as I can see him outside the balcony. I was supposed to go to him but when I walked closer, I saw Tae at the other side. I think they're talking, so I just stood by the door to wait for the right time to come in.. and yeah, to eavesdrop too.

I hear Tae explaining to Namjoon what happened, "Well, that's what happened.."

"Poor Soobin-hyung, he's clueless as to what was planned for him. Good thing you've found out about it. Well-- how did you find out about that, by the way?! And how were you able to carry guns?? Are those licensed?! I can't imagine you, Yoongi-hyung and Jungkook-hyung could manage to do all those!"

"Yes, they're licensed. Well, uhm- not all actually. I have one that's licensed but the others were all-- borrowed." Taehyung inhaled deeply before he walked closer to Namjoon, "Joonie, I think it's about time you know what we really do - me, Jungkook and Yoongi. Just please promise me you'll listen carefully first before you say anything."

"Okay, hyung. You know me, I don't jump to conclusions without any proper reasoning." I heard Namjoon said calmly, I'm glad that he was raised by Tae as an intelligent and understanding brother. Thinking about it, I think Tae can be a great parent to our child, and it made me smile.

"Well-- the truth is, we are members of a gang. For years now, since the time I was able to send you to school. It's how I met Kook and Yoongs. But I promise you, we don't harm innocent people. We're just after corrupt mafias and gangs.
I know nothing can justify what we do, but well, it was the easiest way for me to make money as I know nothing when I was younger. So yeah, we've robbed, stolen, abducted people.. killed-- name it. We have done it all, Joon."

Taehyung never left Namjoon's eyes as he spoke. It feels so heavy just hearing these all again from Tae. I've already known about these but I still feel this way, what more for Namjoon?

It seems that Namjoon is getting teary-eyed from what I can see, then he spoke, "Hyung, you did all those for me? You know we can still survive even if we do just the simplest jobs together."

"Joon, you were just a kid at the time. And your hyung was young too, impulsive and stupid in making decisions. But I always wanted to provide you the best- if not the best, at least enough to give you a better future. Better than mine. I could care less about myself, you're the only person I need to think about at that time."

Hearing what Tae said made me cry softly again. How can I forget this side of him just because of that 'Tae' that I saw earlier?! He's always been like this, soft and caring when it comes to Joon, or me.

Namjoon stayed silent for a while, then he stood up and faced Tae, I think he's really crying now.

"I am not deserving of everything you've been giving me, hyung. I've been self-centered, just concerned of what I'm doing. I never even asked you if you're having a hard time. I can't believe I made you do such crimes, just for me to become a better person. I'm so sorry, hyung. I'm sorry I am so dependent on you.."

"Yah, Namjoon-ah! You didn't make me do those crimes. Those are my own decisions. And you weren't self-centered okay? I asked you to focus on your studies, that is what's important to me. Joon, you're close to being successful now. After that, I know my purpose is complete. Then I don't have any reasons to do this anymore..
How about this-- I promise this will be the last time I'll participate in the gang's gigs. It'll be hard to leave the group, I'm still not sure how. But I've been thinking about it lately, since I'm going to be a father soon.
I need to organize my fucking self for Jin too. And I think it's just the right time, as you'll soon graduate. So please, don't blame yourself. If for anything, you're one of the reasons why I remained alive. So thank you. And thank you for trying your best as a little brother to me."

Namjoon hugged Tae tight. Wow. This is the first time I've seen these brothers like this. It made me smile widely. The last lines I've heard before I stepped back from the balcony door was from Namjoon, "Thank you, hyung. For doing everything and anything for me.."

As I sit myself on the sofa, I then thought.. how could I think twice again in accepting Tae being the gangster that he is?! How could I forget that this is the 'Tae' that I fell in love with??

This is the 'Taehyung' that was never selfish, always loving to his brother, and to me.. He would rather get hurt and take any bullet for me and for the ones he loves. This is the very reason why I'm in love with him, despite the things he does - I love him as he is, I love exactly the way he is and all that he is. I love only him, no buts and what ifs.

Now I realized, it didn't scare me to see that the man I love is a gangster-- what scares me the most is to lose the man I love because of the gangster that he is.

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