Before you disappear

Chapter 26

The doctor came to pick me up for some tests, before the other band members had appeared. I couldn't help but feel relieved that that moment was pushed a little further into the future.

After the initial questions about how I was feeling and what I remembered, we started going through several tests to see how my – Jungkook's – heart was doing and if there was any heart muscle damage. Having me awake during the tests also meant they tried again to find the reason for the heart failure.

As we did an MRI, CT, and PET scans of the heart, I became flustered. Seeing more of JK's body than I was used to, made me realize just how odd this situation was. This was JK's body, yet I was inhabiting it. When the doctor removed my shirt, leaving me bare on top, I closed my eyes. I might be inhabiting his body, but I couldn't shake the feeling I was trespassing. His body wasn't mine to see.

But what if I have to go to the bathroom?

The thought made my heart stop as visions of the difference between men's bodies and women's bodies flooded me.

Angrily, I pushed them away.

Act normal. You are JK at this moment. So, if you need to go, just go.

"Your heartrate is a little high," the doctor stated. "Are you feeling okay?"

I nodded, but didn't say anything. He looked at me for a second, but then continued writing in his notebook.

My mind wandered and I became silent again. The doctor didn't ask about it, though I noticed the looks with slightly narrowed eyes he gave me, almost as if he was trying to read what was going through my mind.

I couldn't stop thinking about my own body, and possibly JK in it. How would he feel? What would he do? Would he panic or remain calm? Would he be able to talk in and understand my language, like I was understanding his language now? Was my friend with him? I hoped she was. I hoped JK wouldn't be alone, left to fend for himself. In a weird way, I was glad I had the other band members to take care of me. At least I didn't have to be alone. But at the same time, I was anxious about JK. I knew of the bond he had with the other members, and experiencing it myself, I knew how tight that was. Not having that, and being in a body that wasn't your own, probably meant JK had a lot to deal with.

Was he treating my body the same way I had been treating his? Just act as if it's not there? Not look when the shirt was removed and more skin got exposed?

It seemed only logical he was experiencing similar changes as I was.

"I would like to conclude our tests with a stress test. Are you up for that?"

I nodded absentmindedly, and followed the doctor into another room.

He pointed at the treadmill. "If you could step on there, please?" he asked as a male nurse came in. "Jake will attach some patches on your chest so we can monitor your heartrate when you start walking."

Jake helped to remove my shirt as the muscles in my shoulders felt tense for having laid in bed for the past three days.

I glanced at my chest, half expecting to see my breasts but instead seeing the perfectly toned chest of Jungkook. Instantly, my eyes darted upwards again.

Jake chuckled.

Alarmed, if he noticed the way I had checked myself out, I looked at him, but he didn't say anything.

He added a few wired patches on my chest and kept his head down, avoiding my eyes.

"Now, I want you to start walking and if you feel good, no pain or strains anywhere, let's see if you can start a slow jog," the doctor said as he came to stand next to us. "The patches will tell us if your heart muscle is getting enough blood flow and oxygen when it's working hard."

I nodded as I started walking slowly.

The movement was easy, too easy even. It made me feel like I was strolling instead of walking. This was tiring. I needed to walk a little faster.

My hand reached to the button to add speed, but my fingers lingers above it. Questioningly, I turned to the doctor. "Can I push it up until 4, maybe 5?"

"Let's try 3 for now."

He must've seen the disappointed look on my face, because instantly a smile appeared on his. "I know you probably think this is too slow, but I want you to remain from giving it your all right away," the doctor warned. "Even if you feel you're okay, let's take it slow to see how your heart responds, okay?"

I nodded.

After a few minutes, the doctor brought the speed up to 4 and a few minutes later to 5. The stroll had turned into a brisk walk, and then into running. Still, my heart was beating normally.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I feel fine. I'm not even breaking a sweat."

My voice must've sounded surprised, because the doctor chuckled. "Given what you do, I'm sure your condition's excellent. A heart failure, like you've experienced, doesn't just push you back to zero again," he said. "Did you expect it would?"

"I guess." I tried a smile, realizing why I had sounded surprised. Jungkook's body was fit. A lot fitter than mine. I wasn't able to walk this fast, still talk normally and not even break a sweat. If I'd been in my body, I would've been panting, sweating and perhaps even close to throwing up.

Pain stabbed me. I need to take care of my body better.

The doctor's eyes were glued on my face and of course, he noticed the small glimpse of pain at the realization that had dawned on me. "As soon as you experience chest pain, you stop."

"It's okay," I told him. "I'm okay."

We continued a few more minutes, and even tried running which I loved from the moment the speed was increased. The way Jungkook's body moved felt so good. It felt strong, stable and in control, something that seemed completely foreign to me as I never truly experienced that in my own body.

When the test completed, I felt a sting of sadness that I couldn't continue wallowing in that euphoric feeling. This is how a healthy body works. This is what I want for my body as well. Though reality set in soon after as I realized my body had come with a set of disadvantages that Jungkook's body clearly had not.

Instantly, my mind went to how he would experience my body and a soft cry escaped my lips as I remembered the many times I felt my body failing me because I had pushed it too far.

Please, JK, be careful.  

***

Author's note

So, perhaps the story already tells you as much: I don't have a medical background and I have no clue if it's normal to do a stress test after waking up from 3 days of unconsciousness and heart failure. I googled. Yes. But it seemed logical, so I went with it. 

If any of you have a medical background, correct me where I go completely wrong with this because I do love to write an as-realistic-as-possible story ;)