Before you disappear

Chapter 78

The way his eyes pierced in mine, made me feel weak inside. I could see his worry and his frustration of not being able to be there for me back then, but he was here now. I felt so much better, so much safer, having him here, right next to me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," he whispered.

I shook my head. "Don't say that. You're here now. That's all that matters."

His eyes softened and I couldn't tear mine away from him. The way he looked at me warmed my soul which'd been shaken by the whole ordeal. My heart beat so fast, to the point it started aching. I was sure he could hear it. But still I couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

"I'm hurting," I whispered.

His eyes bulged a little. "What? Where? Should I go get the medical staff member?"

I shook my head, smiling softly. "It's not like that." I took his hand, placing it over my heart. "It hurts here."

He looked at my chest, then up in my eyes again. And then he chuckled. "So corny," he whispered, as he placed his hands around my neck and pulled me closer. As he spoke, his warm breath tickled my lips. "I know just what to do to ease that pain."

His lips captured mine, before I had a chance to respond. Every word that came up, vanished in a split second. A hunger released inside of me and eagerly I answered his kisses. With my left hand under his neck, and my right against his shoulder, I pushed him down onto the bed. Our lips lost their connection as he let out a groan when his back fell on the bed. I leaned over him, my face hovering just centimeters above his as I took in his, well, my, features.

I'd never been this straight forward in expressing my wants or needs. Was this because I was now inside his body? Was it because this hunger inside me felt like I had no other choice but to take charge?

He looked at me with the most innocent and purest eyes. There was a bewilderment inside them that I hadn't seen before. Was that because this was how I looked when he took charge like this?

Even though I knew it was my body that was lying underneath me, I didn't see that. I only saw him, open and exposed.

I could feel myself becoming more aroused as I looked at his slightly parted lips, heard his panting and saw the faint blush on his cheeks. But it was the depths of his eyes that aroused me the most. Inside, I could get lost forever. He was the most beautiful soul I'd ever seen.

His hands went up to the collar of my blouse, yanking it down and his lips met mine halfway. Our kiss caused tiny disruptions and explosions inside me, one after the other. I turned my head slightly and he granted me more access, by opening his mouth a little further.

In the back of my mind, I knew where this was going and I didn't care. I would let my body, Jungkook's body, take the lead. I wanted this to happen, more than I wanted anything else. There was no way I would let any worry enter my mind on how to do this as a man, and from the way he was groping my blouse, trying to pull it out of my jeans, it seemed Jungkook thought the same.

With a hint of regret, I broke our kiss and sat upright. With him locked between my thighs, there was nothing he could do except watch me. He came up a little, leaning on his arms, but that was as far as he could go since I was on top of him.

My eyes not leaving his, I started unbuttoning the blouse I was wearing. I leaned a little back, enjoying the hunger I could see in his eyes. It was the same hunger that was swarming through my body, causing a throbbing between my legs.

After I threw the blouse next to the bed, I looked at him and the shirt he was wearing. Would it be okay, if I...?

His hands were trembling as he started pulling his shirt up. It seemed to cause him some trouble, since it was a tight fit and he let out a soft frustrated groan.

I chuckled, giving him space to get up to a sitting position and then helped him get out of shirt by pulling it over his face. His glasses stood a little crooked on the bridge of his nose, and his expression because of this made me chuckle.

He pushed his glasses back in their correct position, then looked down as if to hide his shyness. His cheeks were even more blushed than before but, to me, it only made him more attractive. As he looked up, capturing my gaze once more, I could tell something was on his mind.

"What?" I whispered.

He seemed hesitant, then firmly shook his head. "It's nothing," he said, as his hands went up to touch my jawline. "Just... kiss me again."

"Yeah?"

He nodded, gliding his hands around my neck and pulling me closer. "Let's go all the way." His eyes bulged a little by the boldness of that statement and I could feel his hands trembling against my neck. "I mean, if you want to. Do you? Want to?"

I smiled at his question for permission and whispered between kisses, "Oh. I want to. Definitely."

He chuckled softly and the tension he'd been feeling must've subsided, because when his hands caressed the skin from my shoulders to my spine, they weren't trembling anymore. His fingers slid across my shoulders down to my arms, where my muscles tensed up as I tried not to crush him underneath my weight.

I knew, from being in my own body and having him lean against me during one of our previous kisses, that he could feel very heavy. Not the bad kind of heavy though, just... breathtaking. Literarily. Knowing full well that he was probably dealing with my body's anxiety response, more than anything, I wanted to make him feel safe. Because that was what I would want.

Still, being inside Jungkook's body and not having that same anxiety response was an odd experience for me. Now, I could focus on just enjoying this moment. Sure, I felt a little anxious, but nothing that wasn't normal for experiencing a first time with someone.

His fingers slid up my arms and down my back to the hem of my pants. It tickled a little, but also made me feel weaker. I couldn't hold myself up anymore, nor did I want to. So, I carefully let my weight lean onto his, fully alert of any sign he might give if things were too much.

But he didn't. In fact, his hands pulled on the hem of my pants, tightening the throbbing present within them. I groaned against his lips, both of pain and pleasure.

"Sorry," he whispered.

I grinned against his lips. "No need," I whispered as I leaned a little to the side. "You liked that."

That made him smile, knowingly. "Pain and pleasure?"

I nodded, shutting him up with another kiss. No more words were spoken from that moment forward.

His hands ventured down to the front of my pants, opening the button and pulling the zipper down. Then proceeded back up to the curve where my back ended and my butt cheeks started, where his fingers caressed my skin downward, expertly taking my pants down as well.

I pressed my lips against his, trying to stop myself from trembling because the sensation of his fingers there erupted all kinds of pleasantness inside me.

He smiled against my lips, and I knew he was fully aware of what he was causing. He knows his body better than anyone.

The thought made me aware that the reverse was also true. I also knew my body better than anyone. Time to take charge again.

And with that thought lingering in the back of my mind, my hands slid down his waist, simultaneously pulling his hips up and his pants down. A gasp escaped his lips at my sudden leadership, but I wouldn't let him say anything. Instead, I pressed my lips on his again and teasingly pushed my fingers in between his legs. Softly groaning, he tilted his hips, opening a bit further and then melted against my touch.

***