Before you disappear

Chapter 45

With his head down, Jungkook followed the bodyguard to the designated area for their private flight boarding. When he spotted the other members, a smile touched his face but he couldn't let them know how happy he was to see them. His heart was pounding heavily against his chest when he recalled the last few minutes in which his life had turned upside down.

Even after leaving the bathroom, he'd been looking around to see if he spotted her anywhere. As they boarded their flight, Jungkook kept looking left and right, hoping he'd see her but knowing that this wasn't an area where other passengers were allowed to come. It was just for VIPs like himself and the other members.

He bit his lower lip as he sat across from Yoongi in the plane, only vaguely aware of the looks his band member shot at him.

Why had she left like that? Part of him had expected her to take him up on his offer in a heartbeat. After all, wasn't that what ARMY wanted; time with BTS?

But she was different. She had declined his offer and the weird thing was, he actually understood why she'd come to that conclusion. He appreciated the way she thought and how she had wanted to give him space and return to his life. But, he also felt the sting of pain in her words when she spoke of returning to a life as though nothing had happened.

I can't do that either.

Fatigue started to surface and his body somehow felt heavier. A sting in his chest made him groan and he leaned back against his chair, closing his eyes and giving into the feeling of tiredness. But his thoughts about her didn't back down.

He didn't want to go back to his life without getting to know her. Something in their brief meeting had made him latch onto her. She'd become part of his life, perhaps just like he'd been a part of her life. But this was different than just an infatuation. This wasn't an idol-fan connection. This was more.

His heart was racing, constantly jabbing slight stings of pain through his chest.

Jungkook's hand went up to his chest and he grabbed the fabric of his shirt.

She needed to use that flight ticket. She needed to come to Oslo. They weren't yet done. This couldn't be it. A fear rose inside Jungkook. What if she didn't come? What if this was the last time he'd see her? What if they never met again?

Jungkook took a deep breath as he realized that the ball was in her court. There was no way he could find her again. She didn't live in London. He wouldn't be able to find her again.

His nerves started to take a toll on him.

I don't even know where she lives. I should've found out her address. I should've checked her passport to at least figure out in what country she lives. I should've...

"JK?"

A hand touched his knee, forcing Jungkook to open his eyes.

He blinked a few times, trying to sharpen his somewhat blurry vision.

Yoongi's eyes pierced into his, as he leaned forward. "Are you okay?"

Only then did Jungkook realized a tear was sliding down his cheek. Quickly, he removed it with the back of his hand.

"Y-yeah," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion that had been boiling up inside him. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He sat a bit more upright and turned to look out the window.

Yoongi's gaze was still on him, he could tell, but he didn't want to look back at him. Fortunately, Yoongi didn't make him talk about what why he'd been tearing up. Not like Jimin or Tae might've done. He wouldn't have been able to explain himself.

How could he explain that a brief moment with a girl had him torn up like this? How could he explain that he wanted to see her again, as though she was the love of his life? How could she be that person? The One? He didn't believe in the The One. But the way he felt right now, as though he'd left a part of his heart with her and was now suffering the consequences of being apart from her and half of his heart, was hard to explain in any different way than the romantic notion of being apart from the one you loved.

Jungkook swallowed and pushed the thoughts away.

A voice came over the speakers, telling them the plane was about to depart so everyone should buckle up and prepare themselves.

Jungkook zipped the safety belt around his waist and then laid back against the head rest, closing his eyes. Whatever would happen, right then, he decided that if she didn't use the flight ticket to meet him, he'd find a way to see her. One way or another, they would meet again. Their story wasn't yet over.

The flight from London to Oslo went by in a daze. Jungkook slept through most of it with only a few moments of being abruptly woken up right after a feverishly dream about her.

Yoongi must've noticed his different demeanor since boarding the plane, because Jungkook kept seeing him glance in his direction whenever he woke up. Though Yoongi never said or did anything. This was exactly the reason why Jungkook loved Yoongi in times like this. He was just there, giving him time to process everything on his own. When he needed, he could talk to him, but Yoongi would never force him to start talking about whatever was going on inside him.

About ten minutes before the plane landed, Namjoon tapped on Jungkook's shoulder. "You've been very quiet," he noted, as he kneeled down next to him. "Is everything all right?"

Jungkook smiled and nodded. "Just tired." Which wasn't a lie. Even the brief moments of sleep in the plane, hadn't helped diminish the fatigue feeling he'd had ever since boarding the plane.

"Are you experiencing chest pains again?"

"What? No. Why?" Jungkook frowned, but as Namjoon pointed to his chest, he noticed his hand was firmly gripping the fabric of his shirt right above his heart. "Oh."

He let go of the fabric and rubbed his chest to lessen the wrinkles his tight grasp had created.

"When we land, we'll have an interview at a local radio station," Namjoon continued. "I'd like you to sit this one out and go straight to the hotel to get some rest."

"I can manage. I'm fine."

Namjoon narrowed his eyes at him, and pouted his lips. "You don't look fine, JK. We can't underestimate what your body has gone through these past few days. Please don't overexert yourself. We can manage the interview. People will understand."

Jungkook swallowed down his initial response to object when he felt the fatigue crash over him in another wave. "Fine," he whispered, closing his eyes again and shutting the conversation down.

He heard Namjoon sigh next to him, and then his footsteps as he retreated. Of course, the leader was correct, but Jungkook didn't like stepping back down. Especially not now, after being another person. He wanted to return to his life, to being Jungkook.

A wave of fatigue crashed over him once more and Jungkook knew what it meant. His body demanded rest and he had no choice but to follow that demand.

He'd go to the hotel, get some rest and hopefully starting tomorrow, he'd be able to slowly pick up his life again. 

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