Before you disappear

Chapter 66

My chest was hurting as it was hard to find my normal breathing rhythm again. The way his kiss had managed to flood me with all these emotions, made me feel anxious. And then there was the almost-switch, adding even more to my anxiety.

With his looks and personality, I was sure he could be with so many women. Women who were beautiful, smart, thin and confident when it came to being in the spotlight. They would fit perfectly next to him and in his hectic life.

But could I? I was just a normal girl. Someone who didn't like being in the spotlight. An introvert. An overthinker. I wasn't sure if I could be in his hectic life. Why would he choose me?

Perhaps I'm just a fling. Someone who's there at the right time and place.

The thought stung. I couldn't think of Jungkook like that; a person who kissed someone just because they were there. But the idea that there could be more, was also unsettling. What did I have to offer someone like Jungkook, who had the world at his feet?

Between being a fling or something more, his kiss suggested the latter. Though I didn't think I was experienced enough in the whole relationship thing to be confident about it.

I glanced sideways at Jungkook. He seemed deep in thought. Perhaps also thinking about what had happened and if it was wise to continue whatever was brewing between us.

I bit my lower lip, looking down at my hands in my lap. Part of me didn't want to give up this possible fairytale. Finding romance with the guy I'd be crushing on was the best possible outcome. But there was the uncertainty about switching places we needed to address.

Wanting to include Jungkook in the process, I started speaking my thoughts. "We know two things for sure." I looked at him, just to make sure I had his attention.

His dark eyes looked at me curiously, making me feel weak inside.

"The first time we switched, wasn't because of a kiss. But the time we switched back, was. And this time it seemed a kiss initiated a switch as well, though we broke it off before we actually switched." I tapped my chin. "So, that means there are more ways for us to switch bodies."

"The first time we did have a moment on stage," Jungkook recalled.

I nodded. "Do you think having a moment like that also is a way for us to switch?"

He shrugged.

"I think the initial switch needed something big. We both almost lost our lives. Perhaps that was what was needed to get our souls connected like that."

"You think our souls are connected?"

Warmth rose inside my chest. "Well, I think it's possible. After all, we switched back because of a kiss, and, well, a good and true kiss is like a connection between souls. It's the purest form of expressing love. And the way we first connected was also through love, but then between idol and fan. It's the only reason I can come up with that makes sense." I chuckled awkwardly. "Even though saying it out loud does make me sound like a hopeless romantic, doesn't it?"

He grinned, his hand finding mine and squeezing it softly. "Perhaps a little."

I shook my head, suddenly aware that I was approaching this as though Jungkook was my soulmate. The kiss might've felt real and true, but I couldn't let go of the possibility that this was just a fling for Jungkook.

And I had to research my own feelings as well. Was my heightened heart rate due to the fact that a fan was kissed by her bias, or was it because I was kissed by Jungkook? Those two were different in so many ways and I needed to make sure that I knew which scenario was correct, before assuming anything else about the switching of our souls.

"One thing is for sure," I said, aware of the hoarseness in my voice. "Us kissing is dangerous."

Jungkook nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. It pressed me to take control of the situation. He was still holding my hand, and didn't seem to understand the effect it had on me. The way our skin touched, how his thumb slowly slid up and down my index finger; it sent me into overdrive. It teased me into letting go of my guard and ease into a kiss once more.

But I couldn't do that. Not right now.

"For now it's best if we keep a distance. Just until we know what to do." With the last bit of strength I had, I helped release his hand from mine.

Jungkook looked at his hand, after the warmth of mine had left it and took a deep breath. "Okay. But let's not wait too long to decide what to do."

A knock sounded at the door. "Jungkook? Are you in there?"

I recognized his voice before he opened the door and stepped inside.

"We got about 20 minutes before we need to be on stage," Tae said as he looked from Jungkook to me. A smile formed on his face as we both rose from the couch. "But meeting your secret girl takes just a minute."

He took a few more steps in my direction and nodded at me. "Nice to meet you. I'm Taehyung."

I smiled at him, remembering the closeness we had when I was Jungkook. Somehow the feeling close to him, the familiarity of him, hadn't left me and I couldn't help but feel glad about that as I bowed and gave him my name.

"Wow, Sehun was right. Your Korean is excellent."

"Thank you," I said. "Though I'm not sure how it's even possible with the little training I've had in the language."

"You must be a natural at Korean. Perhaps in a previous life you were Korean and now, because of what happened to you, you tapped into that skill."

Tae said it so casually, that it made me wonder if he, too, felt the closeness with me as I felt with him. Talking about previous lives usually wasn't a subject you'd talk about right after introductions. Then again, Tae had always been a little different.

"I heard you were at the London concert. So, you're ARMY?" he asked and I nodded. "And you're going to watch tonight's show?"

I glanced at Jungkook. "If I can? Though I'm sure the concert is fully sold out, so I'll just-"

"You can watch from the side. There's always a place for people who are backstage," Jungkook said before I could finish my sentence. "If you're there, I can see you, too."

I smiled softly. "Well, in that case, I'd love to see the whole show this time."

"I'll have someone pick you up a few minutes before the show starts to lead you to your seat," Jungkook said as he pointed at a little fridge next to the couch we'd been sitting on. "Until then, you can get something to drink from that fridge and relax a bit."

I nodded, after which Jungkook turned to Tae. "Let's go."

***

Author's note

This chapter is a little shorter than you might be used to and it hasn't got the chapter banner - aarrgh. But that's because it's the first chapter I'm writing from Seoul, South Korea, and I forgot to save the actual banners I made for the chapters onto the laptop I brought along. (Silly me!)

So, a little update from me: life here is hectic. Aside from wanting to do the touristy stuff, having to pinch myself whenever I see a cute guy (and trust me when I say, there are multiple a day that give me little heart attacks), I also have full time classes to learn Korean and lots of homework to get through, so unfortunately not much time left for writing. 

But! I'll keep writing and posting new chapters whenever I have the chance. So, be on the look out for that!