Before you disappear

Chapter 44

I heard him say those words, but I was sure I heard incorrectly. He couldn't possibly tell me that there was a different way to deal with this than pretend we didn't know each other and go back to our own lives. Up until this moment, we hadn't actually met. How could I just intervene in his life, as though we knew each other? There was no explanation to that and we couldn't very well tell the truth.

"My heart is playing tricks on me," I said, more to myself than to him, then looked up at him. "We don't need to part ways now?"

Jungkook took a step towards me. His hand reached out and took mine. "We don't."

I smiled sadly. "But we do. How can we explain how we know each other, if we leave here together? You came into this cubicle alone, as did I. We didn't actually meet until five minutes ago. And even though you and I have experienced each other longer, by having been in each other's lives, we can't actually tell that truth to anyone without sounding completely crazy."

Jungkook took a deep breath. "That is true. We can't tell anyone."

I lowered my eyes, feeling the sting in my chest increase in intensity.

"But you do have a flight ticket to Oslo, so you can come and we can meet up in secret and take it from there."

I swallowed but the rising lump that formed inside my throat wasn't affected at all. It seemed to only grow bigger as I tried to swallow it back down. "I don't think I can."

Even though my heart was practically shouting to take up on his suggestion, my mind couldn't let me go down that path of wishful thinking. I had to be realistic. How could there be room for a plain girl like me in the life of a famous idol like him? He could have any girl he wanted, and he would be judged for any girl that would end up at his arm.

Even though there was this magnetic pull between us, still, I had to be realistic. The feeling was caused by my infatuation by him. It was caused by our unique experience. It'll die down and when it does, and I took up on his offer, my heart will break.

I had to protect my heart. I had to protect him and his career.

"Why not?"

I took my hand out of his, but couldn't look up at him. "You need to go. They're waiting for you."

Jungkook leaned forward. "Answer me first."

I placed my hand on his chest, stopping him from coming closer. His hand automatically covered mine on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt. His heart was beating almost as fast as mine.

He didn't move, just waited for me to look up at him, which I did. His eyes were soft as they looked back at me.

"I-I can't let myself get caught up in a fairytale," I whispered, feeling my eyes starting to tear up. "It will only break my heart in the end." I took a deep breath, pushing down the sadness that tried to overwhelm me. I did want the fairytale. I wanted it so bad.

"Please look at me."

I shook my head. "You need to go, please."

"I'm not going to leave you like this." He reached out his other hand toward my face, but I backed away.

"I'm okay," I lied. "Don't..." I looked up at him, trying to hold on to any strength I could find. "Please, just go."

As he drew a breath, he let go of my hand and stepped back. "The ticket is inside your purse," he said, pointing at the purse hanging from my shoulder. "I'm not going to pressure you into taking the flight, but I do want to tell you that I hope you'll reconsider coming to Oslo and meeting me there. You have my number. Let's not make this the end."