Before you disappear

Chapter 76

Screams filled my ears as we left the radio station. I plastered a smile on my face, bowed a few times just like Jungkook would, and then quickly entered the black van.

The interview went by in a daze. I wasn't sure if I'd done Jungkook justice, but I didn't get any strange stares from the other members, so it must've been okay. Though there had been one question I had a hard time answering. Not because I didn't know the answer to, but because I wasn't sure how much Jungkook would reveal. Or even, how much would be allowed to reveal.

"You gave your fans quite a scare a few weeks back," the interviewer had asked. "Can you tell us what happened?"

Weirdly enough, this was the one question we actually hadn't discussed yesterday. Looking back, I couldn't figure out why not. Of course this question would pop up. It had been big news and rumors were scattered. Of course they'd want to know the truth behind the rumors – which were true and which were false.

"Well," I had started, eyeing the members to see if they were giving me silent pointers.

Jungkook had told me they communicated a lot by just having eye contact with one another. But seeing as I wasn't sure if I understood any non-verbal communication, most of the members' faces just looked blank to me. Only Jimin's face seemed different. Worried, even.

"I crossed a line," I said slowly. "It's not something I'm proud of, but it happens in this industry. Sometimes people push themselves too hard."

"But you ended up in the hospital," the interviewer said. "Weren't you scared?"

I pouted my lips, looking down at the microphone before me. "Anyone would be, I think. But sometimes you need to reach that limit to see there is a limit."

"What's most important is that Jungkook is doing much better," Namjoon took the lead. "We have an excellent medical team who have supervised him, and still supervise him, so that this won't happen again."

"Your fans were very worried for you," the interviewer pressed on.

"I'm sorry," I said earnestly, and I meant every word of it because I knew Jungkook would feel that same way. "But I am okay. Everything is okay. It's all in the past now."

Namjoon held up his hand to the interviewer and the look in his eyes was fierce and very clear; no more questions about this subject.

The interviewer complied and switched his attention to Yoongi, asking him about the meaning behind a song he'd written.

I leaned back in my car seat, closing my eyes as I let the memory pass by. An arm slid across my waist, instantly alerting me and I opened my eyes to see Tae closing my seatbelt with a click.

"You look tired," he said.

I waved it away, but didn't say anything. Instead, I leaned back again and closed my eyes. A soft headache erupted behind my eyes, and I moaned softly.

"JK." Namjoon's voice sounded strict, forcing me to open my eyes and look at him. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Just a little headache," I said. "I'm fine."

"Go see the medical staff when we get back to the hotel."

It wasn't a request, and I could tell it wasn't something I could go against. I took a deep breath and then nodded.

I wasn't sure when exactly I had dozed off, but I didn't remember the van started driving, nor the hour it took from the radio station to the hotel. It wasn't until I felt someone gently shaking my shoulder, that I resurfaced from the oblivion I had apparently fallen into.

"What?" I whispered hoarsely, convinced that I had only just closed my eyes a few second ago.

"We're at the hotel," Tae said. "There are a lot of fans, so you need to be alert right now."

I sighed as I rubbed my eyes. "What fans? Can't we go through the back door?"

Tae smiled as I looked at him. "This is the back door," he said, pointing behind him. "It's just a few feet. Bodyguards will guide us."

Namjoon leaned forward, his hand on the doorhandle, as he looked back at both me and Tae. "Let's quickly go inside and then you," he said, focusing on me, "can get to your room and get some more rest. I'll ask the medical staff to come meet you there."

I nodded. My mind was blank, even though I knew there must've been loads of questions swarming around as to why I was feeling so tired right now. Perhaps the interview had been more stressful than I anticipated. Whatever the reason, I couldn't be sure right now. I felt kind of jetlagged. As though I'd been traveling non-stop for twenty something hours. I wanted my bed, and nothing more.

Namjoon opened the door, quickly exiting into a sea of cheers and name calling. Tae patted my knee, then also exited. Another rush of cheers followed.

I took a deep breath, then rose to also exit the van, but the moment I stepped outside, I knew it'd been too quick. Little stars appeared before my eyes and I lost feeling in my legs. Two arms grabbed me, raising me so I wouldn't fall and quickly took me through the crowd and into the hotel.

Once inside, I turned to look at the owner of the arms, seeing Sehun's worried eyes looking back at me. "You okay?"

Finding my balance and feeling in my legs ago, I tapped on his shoulder. "I'm okay," I said. "I just stood up too quickly." I glanced at the other members, and back at the fans who were behind the tinted glass. They couldn't see us, but I could see them. None of them seemed aware of what had just happened.

I turned back to Sehun. "Can we keep this moment between us?" I whispered so only he could hear me.

Sehun frowned. "Why would you-"

"I'm already under scrutiny as it is," I interrupted him. "Namjoon told me to get checked up as soon as we got to the hotel, so they'll make sure I'm fine. Okay?"

Sehun tilted his head. "You're trying to be tough all the time," he noted. "You know it's okay to fall apart once in a while, right?"

I shook my head, determined not to let his words waver me. Jungkook wouldn't fall apart. Not after everything that happened.

"Fine. Just know that I'll keep an eye on you."

"I know." I tried a smile, then walked towards the elevators. I had to keep my cool, even though everything in me was shaken to the core. What just happened there? Was it just a lightheadedness, or had something else made me feel so weak all of a sudden?

I was hyper aware of the fact that I was inhabiting Jungkook's body and I needed to take care of it. I couldn't let the stress get to me. I needed to keep calm, and take my rest.

The elevator was big enough to hold all the members and three staff members as well.

Yoongi said something, but I wasn't listening and next thing, Hobi's laugh filled the room. I turned to look at them. Jimin held Hobi's shoulder, also joining in the conversation. They seemed to have a blast.

Part of me wanted to join in, but I wasn't sure how. The fact that I was still feeling so weak made me realize it was best to keep a low profile right now. Trying to figure out how Jungkook would handle a certain situation, would maybe only add more stress to my already spiked levels.

A small ping sounded, and was followed by an English voice stating we'd reached our floor.

I took a deep breath, waited for most of the members to leave the elevator before I stepped outside as well.

Namjoon eyed me carefully. I both hated and loved his concern. I wanted to be invisible and invincible at the same time, though I knew I wasn't either.

He walked next to me through the hallway towards our rooms, and stopped once we reached my, well, Jungkook's room. "Keep your door open for the medical staff to come in, okay?"

I nodded, then went inside and left the door ajar.

***