Before you disappear

Chapter 61

He blinked, trying to decipher if he had heard her correctly. Had she really just invited him to come over? After midnight? But also... had he meant it that he wanted to go see her?

The answer to that question was easy. Yes.

"Why don't I?" he repeated, just to make sure he'd understood her correctly.

"Hm-mm."

A smile touched his face. It was the way her voice had softened that made him realize she knew the implications of her suggestion. Even though his heart was racing at the mere thought of kissing her again, he wasn't sure if he could withhold himself once he started. "You know why."

She fell silent and Jungkook couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside her mind. If only he could be with her right now, so he could see her facial expression and maybe understand what she was thinking.

"You need sleep."

The three words were an instant reality check for him. It was the truth. Knowing the busy day ahead of him and having the uncertainty of how his body would respond to the strains of a concert, made Jungkook very aware that he couldn't go see her – even though he wanted to.

A sigh escaped his lips. "Yeah..."

"We'll see each other tomorrow though. I'm meeting Hye-Jin for breakfast, so I'll just ask her about how to get backstage and all. Perhaps I can come with her-"

"Oh, Hye-Jin will be at the venue starting from around 2PM," Jungkook intervened. "That's a pretty long time for you to wait around until the concert at 8PM. Wouldn't you rather be at the hotel, get some rest, freshen up and then we meet at 7PM? I'll get someone from the staff to come pick you up from the hotel."

"Oh. Okay. Sure."

Jungkook picked up a hint of hesitance in her voice. Had he been too straight forward in assuming she didn't want to wait around? But then he remembered the doctor's words while he was her. "Try to take as much rest as you can."

"I just don't want to overexert you," he then said. "That is all."

"That is sweet. And... it's okay. I think it'll be nice to have some downtime in the afternoon. And you're right. Waiting around isn't really my thing."

Relief washed over him as he heard the lightness in her voice. "Good. Then that's settled. I'll make sure someone comes to pick you up around 6:30PM and I'll meet you at the artist entrance, okay?"

"The VIP entrance?" She chuckled. "I've never been through a VIP entrance. Should I dress for the occasion?"

He grinned. "Well, I wouldn't mind if you did."

Her silence made him almost laugh. Even though he couldn't see her, he imagined her eyes widen, her face heat up and possibly even the thoughts racing through her mind about why she had opened the door to more flirting – which he eagerly obliged to.

Her flirty demeanor sparked something in him, although he wasn't sure what that was. Aside from a crush on another celebrity, he'd never been truly in love. The only thing he did know for sure was that her words gave him a warm feeling inside. That at this moment he actually wanted to repeat that magical moment in the airport bathroom, just to find out if the world around them would disappear once again and if she experienced it the same as him. And it made him want to see her even more.

He couldn't though. He needed his sleep.

So, he ended the conversation by wishing her a good night's rest and 'see you tomorrow'. Holding himself back form retracting his words, he bit his lip as she wished him the same and then ended the call. Looking at her name on his screen, he realized that sleep wouldn't come easily as his mind was now completely occupied with thoughts about her.

Groggily, Jungkook opened his eyes. It was as he expected. His night had been filled with thoughts and dreams about her.

One dream had him go to her room. The moment she opened the door, he'd pushed her up against the wall, slamming the door shut behind him. Looking into her doe eyes, her lips parting slightly as a response to his sudden closeness, he hadn't been able to contain himself. As soon as his lips pressed onto hers, the world around them had exploded and he woke up less than a second later in complete arousal which only a cold shower could fix.

Another dream had made him reluctant to act on his thoughts of last night. In the dream, he stood in front of her door, knocked just like his previous dream but the look on her face as she opened the door, had made him step back. She glared at him. "You're not here to kiss me, are you?"

He was, but now he wasn't sure if he could.

"You can't take advantage of me like this. I might be ARMY but I'm not here for you to play with. You know my feelings. Are you sure about yours?"

"I thought I was..."

"You thought you were?" She shook her head bitterly. "I'm disappointed in you, Jungkook. You have to be sure to take this step. Do you even know me? No. You don't. You just came here for some fun, but I'm not about that. I want something that's lasting. You can't give that, can you?" She sighed as she stepped back into her room, holding the door. "You're not who I thought you were."

He took a step forward, suddenly not wanting her to distance herself from him. "But..."

She closed the door with a bang.

Instantly, Jungkook had sat upright in his bed. All kinds of feelings had swarmed through him. Feelings of doubt about how she actually felt about him. Feelings of remorse because he'd put her in a difficult position by bringing her here and by talking about her in his Vlive. And he experienced a sense of urgency, needing to find out where this was going and what he could do to make it go as smoothly as possible for the both of them whether they'd go the romantic route or go their separate ways.

Jungkook sighed as the same thoughts after that dream came back. He had about an hour before he was expected in the common room for breakfast. He'd always woken up an hour early just so he could do a few exercises, take a shower and freshen up before meeting up with the others.

He dropped himself to the floor and started doing pushups as a way to try and get the intrusive thoughts to settle down. Counting from 1 to 100 and still the vision of seeing the disappointment on her face haunted him.

As he laid down on his back and started doing crunches, he closed his eyes and pushed the image away. Searching through his memories, he found that moment in the cubicle. The look she'd given him. Her doe eyes. Her parting lips. But somehow the magical feeling wasn't there anymore. It was overshadowed by doubt and reluctance.

Angrily, Jungkook sat upright and leaned on his knees, bowing his head down. Panting, he tried to calm down his breathing. Feeling little jabs in his chest, made him realize he'd been straining himself by doing the exercises too rigorously.

He had to be careful or he would be denied to participate at the concert tonight.

Slowly, he leaned back until he lay flat on the floor and closed his eyes. Focusing on his breathing, going in and out, he slowed down his thoughts.

Why was he feeling this way? Why were the thoughts attacking him and his usual level of confidence? What was it about her that made him act this way?

There is no need to figure it out today. I just need to take it easy. And perhaps, just to be protective of her feelings, I have to let her take the first step.

He swallowed. The decision seemed fair, butsomething in him stirred uncomfortably. He didn't like to just sit and wait,but the thought of her being disappointed or even angry with him seemed tentimes more uncomfortable.

***

Author's note

Pffewwhhh... The rollercoaster that is this story... Hope you're enjoying the ride! ;)