All For Us

Are we still friends?

At school, we walk back to class and everyone has taken a seat.

"Guys I hope you all did your homework for today, does anyone wants to start?" He asks. Two girls go in front of me.

"Griffiths, you go now" I nod and stand up.

I umm... okay.

Dear you,

I know it's been a while since we last talked but I need to find closure. Picturing you farther now breaks every single bone in my body and makes me feel defeated. Life is so strange that one moment you feel like you are on top of the world and the next one your lost and alone. I know you feel the same way and I would do anything and everything to take me back to the day we met. To the best times in my life but time grows old and people grow up. You sometimes need to learn how to face it and keep your chin up. Either way, thanks for giving me that piece of advice,

Everyone just stay quiet and clap. It was definitely an awkward thing to do. Ryder hugged me and decided that he wouldn't let go of me. It was so cute.

During this time, I have forgotten my birthday. Mourning him and how I wasn't by his side made me forget about mine. Has it really been that long? Has almost a month passed since we don't talk? I truly hope he had an amazing birthday... he deserves it.

It is definitely a roller coaster that I'm learning how to take everyday.

I then walked out of school and went to Chelsea's house for a change.

"Ron I know it's been a while... but I think we just go out" Chelsea says in her room.

"I don't feel ready Chels" I say.

"It's only gonna be for a while, I think you need to be distracted" I agree and just follow her. When we arrived there people were going wild. I honestly didn't feel like partying at all. Once Chelsea got lost on the crowd I was alone, I felt vulnerable and anxious. I sat in a chair with tears in my eyes trying to not be noticed by anyone. Immediately I feel someone grabbing my shoulder.

"What's wrong?" Ryder looks at me really worried.

"I can't do this" I whisper to his ear.

"Look, Let's get out of here... I don't want you conflicting over staying here if you don't feel comfortable" I nod and walk with him. We sat in a corner in a park just existing.

"I feel like in this time, I've come to forget him... but why is my life so hard to put together now?" I ask.

"Cause it's different, you don't have the support you had before by your side and it's crushing you" he says as if he felt it too.

"Is that how you felt when you broke up with Emily?" I ask.

"No, that is how I felt when you rejected me and never treated me like before ever again. It's always an awkward tension and I kinda miss my best friend" He looks down. I get chills on my skin.

"Yeah, maybe I should have picked you that day huh? I was so scared with loosing Jacob that I kept my distance of you and never thought about your feelings" I say to him.

"Look Ronnie, despite how I feel, I don't want our friendship to change... If you want to cry about Jacob with me do so because I'll listen to you, that is what true friends do and someone afraid of loosing you" I look into his eyes and smile.

"Thank you for sticking up by my side, aside from Jacob you were always there when my brother died" I say.

"Of course" He hugs me and I feel some butterflies in my stomach. I get kinda lost.

"Now um, let's get you home... get some rest" I nod and walk home with him.

"See you tomorrow?" I ask.

"See you" He kisses my cheek and then leaves.

The next day I woke up pretty numb. I walked to school and decided to try to be happy today. I can't stop thinking about how much I've been treating Ryder badly. I really didn't want to do it intentionally.

At school all I do is notice him. His smile and way of talking to people. He is always so attentive to everyone.

"Hey... morning" He approaches me.

"Oh ummm hey..." I say awkwardly.

"I've seen you looking at me from afar, is everything okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, just tired" he sits next to me and starts doing homework.

"Look, I hate this awkward phase with you.. I am so happy that I have your support and I really want to have you back as my best friend. I miss that friendship and I really feel like we've been distancing and I hate it cause you and Zach in some point were the only people in the world I could trust" I say.

He makes full eye contact with me. Inside his eyes i see his soul and I get shivers.

"I agree, let's just please be best friends again" He hugs me and I flinch a little. The warmth in his hug is amazing. I feel home and safe.

"Hey Ryder... I gotta go" I run out of his hug.

"Really? Why?" He frowns.

"Things... Umm bye" I run away as fast as possible.

I felt butterflies... I looked into his eyes and felt butterflies. This can't happen. Am I getting feelings for Ryder?? He is mr best friend and it's selfish to move on so fast from Jacob. I was genuinely in love with him.