All For Us

The sharp knife of a short life

It's been 5 months since Tommy have died. It never got any better. My dad decided never to let us alone again and abandoned the house in Australia. One day he got into a huge argument with Jo and she decided to move out, and now she lives in her dorm room. Anne and my dad are hanging by a threat but they try to act strong besides us. Justin had it bad. He felt responsibility for what happened and it drove him insane. He completely pushed me away and we barely speak around the house anymore... with having only 2 kids in the house it's tough to even get any conversation. Don't even get me started on Christmas..... I had struggled much more than I thought. I can't even pass my brother's locker filled with flowers and cards because it breaks my heart to see it. I'm at the cemetery and read his plaque as it says "may his souls rest alongside his mother's" and sometimes I just go there to talk about my day and update him with some stuff. It's my safe space. I started taking anti depressives and they did help me a lot. I feel so grateful because I have people around me that gave me so much support. Ryder, Chelsea, Zach, even Amelia came here for a week to comfort me. Jacob, he has been amazing. Honestly I think that if it wasn't for him I would have been doomed. He helped me through all my mental problems and hugged me while I cried. I spend almost everyday at his house cause there isn't a lot of reason to be in mine. I just go to Tommy's room and fall asleep there to feel him sometimes. Jacob and Justin aren't on speaking term because they got into a fight since Jacob didn't like how much he was ignoring me and Justin made him choose between him and me... he chose me and it was just a big loathe of drama. I feel so much better spiritually but I just can't find closure. In the 5 months of going to therapy, spending it with my boyfriend and going to talk to my brother I just can't find it yet.

"Hey babe, you forgot to take your pills" Jacob hug my waist and gives me a kiss in the head.

"Thanks Jake, I'll take them later" I save them on my pocket.

"Here" He gives me a glass of water and I give him a dirty look. He made me drink them at the end. Afterwards we drove to school.

"I'll see you in recess okay?" He asks looking at me.

"Okay" I nod. He gives me a soft hug.

"I love you" He says.

"I love you too" I look at him as he gives me a kiss.

At lunch time, I sit in the cafe area next to Emily and Ryder. Oh, and Mike is also here. We are finally in good terms, he found a girlfriend and just told me he wants to be there for me.

"Ron where is your lunch?" Emily asks.

"I didn't bring cash, but don't worry I'll eat once I arrive home" I smile at her. She agrees and changes the subject. I can't seem to concentrate in what they are talking about but lunch was fast and it was finally time for extra curricular.

The cheerleading place was a safe place for me. We changed the uniform colors to sliver and blue. And we are taking things slow.

As soon as I see Zach in the field I go out and give him a strong hug.

"Hey beautiful" he says inside of the hug. Zach and I grew close when everything happened. I felt that he was special because he was the last one to be with my brother and I felt a special necessity to be there for him 100 percent. He kept a big scar around his left arm and a kind of a red line across his brow he tries to hide. But the day he was in the hospital, it was all scars, blood and bruises all over.

"Hi Zach, how are you feeling today?" I smile at him.

"I'm great, don't worry about it" another person who felt the blame was Zach. He repayed the money of the car to Justin.

"Okay girls, five six seven eight" Chelsea claps and I get into position. Our choreo is great. I love it. The song, the moves, the special effects. We are not sure yet when the final is but we are still practicing.