Chapter 155 Tumultuous

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Lan Zhan stormed off into the nearby forest, putting as much distance between himself and that place, even though a small part of his self was biting his conscience. He shouldn't have snapped at his Wei Ying; he knew that.

But he felt so helpless in the face of whatever this was, this ailment that seemed indefinable.

Just what was wrong with his lover?

It didn’t seem fair either...hadn't they been through enough?

He thought back to the years of separation.

For each year he had spent without his Wei Ying, he uprooted whole trees, knowing that Wei Ying would be upset with him and vowing to replace them.

But his mind was in agony as he lifted the last tree and flung it down with such force that it shattered upon impact.

"Well, we could always do with more firewood." XiChen said, a note of concern in his voice, despite the jovial tone.

Lan Zhan felt his anger ebbing away, but in its place was a nothingness.

He cleared away the snow from a tree stump and sat down heavily.

It was big enough to seat two people, as he found out after XiChen sat next to him.

"Not too much damage...don't worry." XiChen eyed the fallen trunks littering this forgotten path. He sat silently, letting his baby brother come to terms with what he was feeling.

Emotions were complicated beasts sometimes, and they had to be given the freedom to run rampant before herding them into some semblance of control. It was harder for Lan Zhan to acknowledge what he was feeling, to understand them, when he had been so used to suppressing his thoughts for so long.

When XiChen thought he had stewed for long enough, he cautiously attempted conversation.

"You made A-Xian cry...Uncle wants you to apologise."

That only made him feel worse.

Here he was blaming their lack of knowledge on Wei Ying, taking out his frustration on an innocent man, one who had lived his life pretending everything was fine. And when it came down to it, Lan Zhan was unprepared for the level of rage he was feeling.

That ailment was a nameless foe, one with no body he could thrash with Bichen, or chase away with WangJi. It was eating away at his Wei Ying and there was nothing  he could do about it.

This helpless feeling...it was reminding him of the time he had travelled to the bottom of that cliff, in Nightless City. Looking for signs, looking for something, anything of his beloved.

Filled with regret, it tasted like bile in his mouth.

That time he had spent drowning in guilt, rage and helpless frustration that Wei Ying had died and everyone except himself was celebrating. And he had nothing to bring back for their son.

SiZhui.

Hope.

The only person who was holding his sanity together at that time was a four year old child, learning his place in this new family.

And yet...Wei Ying had come back.

Like a sudden rainbow in darkening skies, a burst of sunshine that was his own personal miracle.

And something was threatening to take it away.

"I don't know what's wrong with him. Xiongzhang...?" Lan Zhan couldn't stop his tears now. "I don't know what to do. I feel like he's slipping through my fingers like sand. I can't hold onto him...I cannot live without him..."

XiChen turned his body and wrapped his equally strong arms around his baby brother.

"There, there, WangJi." He soothed, stroking his hair softly. "It will be alright. A-Xian is a fighter. Have you been to the healers? Healer Fei may have some insight into his condition. I feel it's not related to our other problem." But he didn't want to add the burden already on Lan Zhan’s shoulders, so he refrained from elaborating.

"No...not yet. You know how he is with medication and treatment." Lan Zhan felt a little calmer now.

The tidal wave of feelings had washed away his anger. XiChen had helped, as he always did, soothing away his worries, even if he couldn’t make this one go away.

"Right now, A-Xian needs you, probably more than he is willing to admit. And now that you have somewhat calmed yourself...you need to go back and help him. What he most needs is for you to be by his side." XiChen smiled sadly. "Do you remember when WanYin was poisoned? I made a terrible mistake then, by not staying with him. We Lans are a little bit messed up in here," He tapped Lan Zhan’s forehead gently. "But we are the first at recognising our mistakes."

Lan Zhan nodded.

XiChen wiped away his tears with his sleeve, softly smiling at him.

"You should go back to him now. Tell him how you're feeling; maybe that will convince him to seek help, if nothing else. Marriages are made on the foundation of trust and compromise, Didi." He kissed Lan Zhan’s forehead. "A-Xian knows that."

Lan Zhan smiled, the faintest upturning of his lips. He nodded and stood up.

"Thank you, Xiongzhang." He bowed.

"Silly boy...don't you know that's not necessary?" XiChen stood and raised him up.

Lan Zhan hugged him instead.

"That's better. Now do what I said."

They walked back together, Lan Zhan just as impatient as when he had left.

They met Jiang Cheng on their way.

"He's back at the Jingshi now." He informed them. "The kids are with Li Li in the Hanshi, they'll be good for a while."

"Thank you." Lan Zhan told him and marched away.

Jiang Cheng was so surprised, he stared after him, mouth open in shock.

XiChen laughed softly at the expression on his face.

"My brother can be polite when he wants to be."

"Yes...I don't like it." Jiang Cheng replied, still looking at the retreating form of the Second Jade.

XiChen laughed out loud at that.

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A/N

Dear beautiful lovely Readers,

Just a quick one, and to wish you a happy day, I hope the Universe manages to gift you a surprise today.

Chocolate is always a good source of joy too, just saying.

Charlie.

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