I'm not good enough

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Songs for this chapter are:

Patrick Watson- Je te laisserai des mots

Olivia Rodrigo- Hope ur okay

NF- Hate myself

Camila Cabello- Easy

One direction- Fireproof

One direction- I wanna write you a song

Enzo POV

"The fuck is that?"

"Stop it. It's a bird"

She giggles in my ear and I'm honestly confused.

The warm dark sky is filled with sparkling stars and in the middle of it she sees a so called bird yet all I see is clumps of cloud that couldn't make there way across the sky.

"It's a clump of shit"

"Enzo", she clutches her stomach and laughs.

Her hand playfully swats at mine and her eyes shut showing the hint of blurry moisture between them whilst she cries. I find her beautiful. She's the only hint of humanity and hope I have and I cherish the seconds of happiness I feel when I'm with her because as soon as I open my eyes again it's all gone.

She points to the sky with the stars reflecting in her big grey eyes almost sinking in them. Her lips purse in the most cutest possible way and she stares at the sky as if it's a story and she's had the chance to tell it.

I find this all utterly confusing that I've been with most of the girls in the country and some from my Mafia yet she.....she's the one that constantly catches my attention when she steps into a room, I fall for her eyes within seconds of just looking into them and her lips. There so soft when I kiss them and sometimes I don't even want to pull away. Because that's how selfish I am with her. I'd choose her happiness over mine any day.

And that's what it is. I'm staring at her and that's what it feels like.....to love someone.

I fucking love her?

I haven't said it but it's her. That stupid giddy thing everyone fucking talks about I feel it when I'm only with her. Titus says I love her but I thought I didn't know how to admit it.

She's all I think about, she's the only person I wanna talk to when I'm angry at her, she's the only person I actually like in this fucked up world and when I awake to every dooms day morning her eyes are the first thing I wanna see.

Fuck Ivy I love you

"Enzo"

"What?"

"That there. That one is a-"

"Square"

"No", she laughs, "it's a flat screen see the lines running down them?"

"Where the hell do you see lines in clouds?"

"It's right there"

"No matter how hard you point I can't see shit"

"Oh my god"

She covers her eyes and laughter escapes her lips.

"Are you tired of me or something?"

I turn to her using my elbows to hold me up as I stare down at her in the grass.

"Yes you can't see what's so clearly facing you"

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