Shuichi Saihara Oneshots

How Unlucky

I was yesterday-years-old when I realized that Lil' Ultimates were a thing. I didn't watch any playthroughs of Danganronpa Ultra Despair Girls (that shit's 11 hours long man, minus the commentary. Ain't no way am I sitting through all that) so I had no idea until a youtube video confused me and I searched it up.

This was actually supposed to be two separate AU's but I eventually decided to mix it into one

A young boy sat in a police car, all alone. He was beautiful, with dark blue hair and a perfectly pale complexion. His eyes were closed, showing off his thick, long lashes, and he wearing a pair of headphones as he bobbed his head to rock music so loud that people outside the car could hear it.

Outside the car, completely unbeknownst to the boy, a huge gunfight was happening. It was raining bullets outside and the atmosphere was filled with blood, the bangs of guns of all kinds, and the screams of the unfortunate people that got shot. The police were fighting against a huge gang of yakuza and from the looks of it, the police were losing.

The gunfight also happened to be the reason why the boy was in the bulletproof police car in the first place.

The boy sighed.

"I'm getting a little peckish..." the boy mumbled to himself in a monotonous voice. "I'll go back to the detective agency to borrow some money."

And with that, he turned up the volume and exited the car.

"Hey- What are you doing?!"

"Get back in the car!"

"Is that the kid?"

"That's him! The one with the 10 billion bounty on his head!"

"GET HIM!"

Once again, the boy was put in another dangerous situation, where his enemies had tracked him down in hopes of successfully kidnapping him and receiving that huge bounty reward. And once again, the boy had marched straight into it, without a single care in the world.

The thugs quickly raised their weapons to attack. One thug switched from his glock to a dart gun and aimed for Shuichi. He took one step forward to get better aim but suddenly tripped over a huge tree root. He screamed, flailing his arms around as he fell to the floor. In his panic, he accidentally shot his comrade beside him, hitting the poor man with a powerful tranquillizer before landing his head on a rock. The first man's death was quick.

His friend, a bulky bald man, was shot right in the head. His eyes rolled to the back of his head until all that was visible in his eyes were white, and he fell onto the floor with a loud thump. The rest of the group was horrified, and so were the police.

Three men decided to check up on their two unconscious friends, and so moved in closer to get a better look at them. However, once they got close enough, a large tree beside them, which had been pummeled by bullets, tipped over and fell on top of them, crushing them immediately.

The rest of the yakuza suffered similar fates. One guy stepped back in fear, tripped and smashed his head against the corner of the huge box that had been used to carry a machine gun. Another guy found himself suddenly blinded by bird poop. As he yelled and struggled to rub the white substance out of his eyes, he ended up accidentally shooting his friends. After that, his back hit a stone wall and a huge chunk of the hill broke off, killing him.

The police didn't even get a chance to shoot anyone as they were suddenly all slaughtered by a series of crazy coincidences. They just stared, their mouths agape before slowly turning to the boy with looks of shock, horror and slight amazement.