This takes place at the beginning of season 2. After Meredith found out about Derek wife and is trying to move on from him. But something comes up might change her life forever.
I'm now five months pregnant. The whole hospital already knows but that doesn't really matter because they think it's Finn's baby.
Finn knows about the baby and he's happy. He knows it's not his but he's still happy about it.
Actually he's excited about it. He wants to be a dad and he wants to find out the gender soon.
My hands have also been really dry lately because of the cold, but I can't my find my lavender hand lotion anywhere, Finn thought it was the pregnancy. He noticed it first.
He specifically wants a girl that looks like me.
Cristina and I haven't really talked much since the fight.
I don't know why but for some reason she hates that I'm going to have this baby even though it has nothing to do with her.
Maybe she thinks that I'll want her to help me with the baby or something but I don't need her help.
I think the reason is because it makes it feel like she should have kept her baby but since I'm keeping mine.
But I never told her she should keep her baby so she has no right to tell me to get rid of mine.
I was there for Cristina the entire time when she wanted an abortion so I don't know why she's being like this.
the only person who has really been there for me is Izzie and Alex, but surprisingly more Alex. he went to the last ultrasound when Finn was stuck at work.
I already know the gender but I haven't told Finn yet because he wants to wait until the baby's born the only other person that knows is Alex.
I'm still working on figuring out a name. I have a few I like so far but none that really feel fit for my baby.
I'm sitting in bed watching tv, but I'm not in my bed, I'm in Finn's bed.
I'm still naked because we just had sex and Finn's currently in the shower. he's not as good as Derek but he'll do.
I hate that I'm still on Derek. I thought after five months I would have already at least moved on and I have but I still think of him every day.
it's stupid that I think of him every day because I know damn well that there's no way he's thinking of me.
him and Addison are probably living their best lives in New York and trying to get pregnant themselves.
I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied with my life. I mean, I'm not asking for much, I just want one good man, that's all.
I already have a good career and I don't have money troubles, and I'm going to have a baby in four months.
I like Finn and we've been together for almost seven months now but I'm still not in love with him.
it look me three months to fall in love with Derek but I don't feel nearly as much feelings for Finn as I did Derek.
a few minutes later Finn comes out of the bathroom dripping wet in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.
I used to think it was extremely hot when Derek would come out of the bathroom fresh from the shower but I don't really feel that way with Finn.
I feel bad because I know Finn really likes me and he's made 'plans' which means marriage and we're going to raise a baby together but I don't feel that way about him.
last week I caught him about to say 'I love you' and I knew I wouldn't be able to say it back and I didn't want it to be awkward so I said I had to use the bathroom and once I was done I left without him noticing.
I'm not going to tell him I love him because I don't but I also don't want him to know that I don't love him because then it'll make things worse.
from what I know he thinks everything is going great between us far and I've let him believe that everything is fine when it really isn't.
Derek could tell when I was lying, he knew when I said I was fine not to believe it. he wouldn't push but I could tell that he didn't believe it either.
I know Finn cares but he doesn't care the way Derek did, or at least the way Derek pretended to care.
I guess this is how it was with Derek and I. he felt a lot for him but he didn't feel the same and he just let me believe that he felt the same.
but if he didn't feel the same about me why did he stay for as long as he did? I do it because I don't want to be alone but if he was just going to forgive Addison and go back to her overall he should have just done that before without starting anything with me.
sometimes I wish he had never came to Seattle to began with. but if he never came here then I wouldn't be pregnant.
"Are you hungry? do you want me to make you two something to eat?" Finn asks as he walks over to me. he kisses my head as he rubs my back.
I look at my watch. "Sure, it's almost lunch time anyways," I smile, fake smile.
"alright, I'll go make us something then," he smiles.
he leans down and gently kisses my lips before he leaves the room once he's dressed.
I let my smile drop when he leaves the room and I lean back against the headboard.
