This takes place at the beginning of season 2. After Meredith found out about Derek wife and is trying to move on from him. But something comes up might change her life forever.
"This is great! You and Cristina could have babies together and they could be best friends like you two!" Izzie says as she stands in the living room.
Cristina and I are sitting next to each other on the couch and we've just told them that I'm pregnant.
"Uh-uh, no, I'm not having a baby, I have an abortion scheduled for next week," Cristina says.
"You could still cancel it," izzie says.
"No,"
"You know I don't think I've seen a mixed baby that's half Korean," I say smiling teasingly.
"And you're not going to," she smiles sarcastically.
"Meredith, are you keeping yours?" George asks.
"Yes,"
"No-" Cristina and I both say at the same time.
"I want to keep it," I say.
"No you don't, you just want a piece of Derek and you think that this baby will do that for you, but once it's born you're going to hate it and then you're not going to want it anymore," she says.
"That's not true," I say.
"Yes, it is, you said it yourself,"
"That's not the only reason, that was just a bonus,"
"If she wants to keep the baby she can keep the baby, she won't be doing it alone, we all live here too," Izzie says.
"Oh, yeah, George would love that, he gets to play house with Meredith and raise her baby like it's his. It's not a good idea. Mer, you said it yourself you don't want to be like your mother, you said you wanted to focus on your career, a baby will ruin all of that," she says looking at me now.
"Well... I can do both, it won't kill me. And I don't have to be like my mother, it shouldn't be too hard to love a kid," I say.
"Mer, you may think you want this but you don't, nobody wants this, they just think they do and they have a baby but they end up hating it after they have the kid, it's a bad idea, don't do it,"
"Cristina, why are you so hell bent on Meredith not keeping the baby?" Izzie asks.
"Because I don't want to watch her life crumble into a thousand little pieces right in front of me. Mer, I care about you, and if you want to live happily ever after. Don't. Do. This." She says.
I look into her eyes for a little bit as I decided if I truly want to do this or not.
"Everything happens for a reason, there has to be a reason for this, maybe this is the world telling me I don't have to be alone for the rest of my life, even if Finn and I don't work out I'll never be alone... I've been alone my whole life and with a baby I'll never have to be," I say.
"Ugh, you're all delusional. I'm leaving," she says standing up.
"Cristina," I say but she continues to grab her things.
"Cristina, don't overreacting just a little bit," izzie says.
"No, babies fuck up your life, out of all the things your mother taught you I thought she would have at least taught you that," Cristina says looking at me.
"You're right.. you should go," I say with tears in my eyes.
She looks at for one second before she grabs her coat and leaves.
"She doesn't mean it, Mer, she's going through something- I don't know what but she doesn't mean it... are you still sure you want to keep the baby, without Cristina's words in your head, do you want this baby or not?" Izzie asks.
"I thought I did, I was confident I did but now I don't know," I say leaning back into the couch.
"Don't listen to what Cristina says, do what you want," George says.
I look at him and notice how stupid his face is, but I don't want him to know I'm thinking that so I smile at him and he smiles back.
I look down into my lap and think about it for a bit.
I still agree with what I said before. I've been alone my entire life and I hated it... when I met Derek it was the first time I ever felt like I was actually living my life... before it always like I was just floating in some world that I didn't know and with Derek it felt like I was actually living my life like how I was supposed to.
But now he's gone and I'm alone, yes I have Finn but he's not Derek and he can't replace Derek.... Derek will always have a place in my heart but I can't keep waiting for him to come back for me because now he never will.
And if things don't work out between Finn and I at least I will always have a kid with me wherever I go that baby will go with me no matter what.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
"I want to keep this baby," I say.
"Even if Cristina stops talking to me because of it," I say. Even if Cristina leaves me I'll always have this baby to make me feel better.
"As long as that's what you truly want," George says. Shut up. Is all I want to tell him.
I already know he was happy when we would found Derek was married and how happy he is that Derek's in New York with Addison right now.
When I was still kind of depressed about the break up and I said I was going out with Finn I heard him say that I owed him a date because he was 'there for me' during the break up.
I thought that's what friends were supposed to do without asking for anything in return.
I'm keeping this baby no matter what. It's my baby and it's my life. The only opinion that matters in this is mine.
I don't need Derek or anyone else, I already have everything I need.
