This takes place at the beginning of season 2. After Meredith found out about Derek wife and is trying to move on from him. But something comes up might change her life forever.
I just got home from work. I had a ten hour surgery and I worked a night shift so I have no energy what so ever.
When I get home from work I go into the bedroom and see Addison Asleep in bed.
I grab some pajama bottoms from the dresser and take them into the bathroom.
I put a towel and my pajamas down before I go into my closet and grab a bottle of shampoo and conditioner from a storage box that's hidden on the floor.
It's filled with all of Merediths small things, I bought the same shampoo and conditioner that she uses and I keep it in this box so Addison doesn't know. I also bought the same body wash that she uses. I don't use it myself but I enjoy smelling it, it reminds me of when she would take a shower before bed and she would get in with her hair still damp, smelling fresh of her conditioner.
She would pull me in close because she was cold and I was warm... I would press my nose into her neck and kiss her soft fragranced skin.
I also bought the same perfume she uses and body mist. I also stole her purple button up shirt that she wore the day I stopped her from beating up Alex.
I also took her small bottle of hand cream. Her hands were always so soft when she would touch my face or randomly caress my cheek in the middle of the night when she woke up for a brief moment. She would kiss me anywhere on my face before cuddling into me and going back to sleep.
I go back into the bathroom.
I strip from my clothes and grab a bottle of lavender shampoo from shelf. It's the same one Meredith used to use, or maybe she still uses it, I don't know.
It's the same brand and everything. I squirt some onto my hair and massage it in.
Once I'm done washing my hair I put the conditioner in it and let it sit as I wash my body.
After my shower I dry myself off and put on my pajama bottoms and go into the living room.
I sit down on the and grab my pillow and blanket from the closet.
I get everything set up on the couch before I lay down and close my eyes.
I've been sleeping on the couch since we got to New York.
I tried sleeping in bed but I can't. It's weird sleeping with another woman that's not Meredith... which doesn't really make sense because I've been with Addison for 11 years and I should be used to it by now.
And I was used to sleeping with her but I'm not anymore. It's just uncomfortable now.
She doesn't know that I sleep on the couch. I just get in bed and wait for her to fall asleep and then I sleep on the couch and wake up early and get in bed before she notices.
I'm exhausted but for some reason I can't fall asleep. My brain won't turn off.
I can't think of one reason why I should stay in New York and be with Addison... but I can think of a thousand reasons to leave and go back to Seattle.
I don't even know if there's a good reason to go back to Seattle, Meredith is with Finn and he's a great guy for her.
He cared about her and she's happy with him. She probably doesn't even think about me now that she has Finn.
I should just move on with my life instead of living miserably thinking about a woman who's in love with someone else.
But I still miss her every day. And Addison has no idea, she's back in the family. My sisters are acting like Addison never even cheated.
Addison had an affair with mark and they only ever bring up that I had an affair but they don't care about Addisons affair, they're just mad about Meredith and I. Well mostly Nancy and Kathleen.
Addison and Nancy have been talking about us having children and now Addison wants to start trying for a baby.
She saw an OB and found out that she has almost no chance of having a baby.
She now wants to start taking fertility pills so help but I'm not sure I want kids.
I did before but now I'm not so sure. Addison and I aren't even happily married people like us shouldn't be having children.
I don't know what to tell her but it's her choice if she wants children... I just don't want them.
I feel like I've become a whole different person since everything has happened or maybe I'm now realizing who I really am.
