Collision || Lee Know

feelings

"My god my heart, what are you two doing down here?" My mom entered the living room. "What? Am I not allowed to use the TV anymore?" I weirdly faced Minho, who just shrugged. "I barely see you down here. I'm surprised you even found the way." My eyes judgeful scanned her. "I'm going to the restaurant now, you stay friendly." Minho gave me some tangerine he peeled. We seemed as innocent as we could. How could she think we'd do something 'mature' down here?

"I like your mom," he commented all of a sudden. "Hm, you're the only one in this house." He supported his arm on the edge of the couch, turning towards me. "Why don't you like her?" I stopped eating. "Nothing to explain, I just don't." He took my last bit, eating it himself. "Tell me." I sighed. "You won't get it," I mumbled. "Because my mom is different? I also don't like her, I know how it is," he said. "My reasons are just probably stupid in your eyes. It's just....my brother was there first and since the beginning he was always preffered. In everything single thing he did, he was better than me even though I tried a lot harder. For my mom it never was enough. She always said 'be as good as your brother' or 'you're doing that and that wrong' and damn it, it was annoying me. I was stupidly tired of always hearing her just complain about me, that I didn't even felt like listening to her anymore. At some point, I assumed she just gave up on me since I wouldn't improve. I mean, you heard it yourself 'tutoring classes are too expensive, cancle them' meanwhile Min-joon got like the most expensive presents for Christmas or birthdays even though he sucks in school lately. He only goes out with his friends and I don't even wanna know what else he's up to." Minho paid attention towards everything I said carefully. "You don't have to prove yourself to her. The most important thing is that you can be proud of yourself. When other people don't see the potential of your work, it isn't worth showing them." He was somehow right. "But after all... I feel like she cares, a lot. Don't underestimate the things she did for you after all. I guess, that's the same advice you gave me with my mom and you see.. We somehow made a deal?" He was so different when it came to serious stuff. He makes sure to put a meaning behind the word he says after making up his mind properly about it.

"Whatever, I don't wanna talk about it." I cut the topic off before he started to smirk. "What is it?" Of course there would be no way he'd turn soft this easily. "I just like that you start to trust." So mischievous. I should overthink my decision..."What about it? Are you gonna tell anyone?" He shook his head, smile fading. "What would this information do for them?" I shook my head. "Nothing at all." He nodded, "right." I snapped against his forehead. "Now, what's this for again?" His hand rubbed over it. "You never can be serious for more than five minutes, it's confusing if you actually were for real." He frowned. "Of course I'm for real. Have I ever lied to you?" He questioned. "How am I supposed to know? Like you said, I can't read you yet," I pointed at him. "And you never will, because the only predicable thing about me is my unpredictability." He grinned. "And I hate that." I leaned back. "Peel me another one since you took my last piece," I sulked. "Right, I only got to eat one piece of the one I was working on. Why should I be punished for that?" He complained. "You gave it to me." He sighed before leaning forward, picking up another tangerine.

I watched him for a moment before breaking the silence. "You know.." I cleared my throat. "Mh," he hummed in response. "Is there anything you do in your free time?", "Do you want to get to know me better or what?" He doubted, but I didn't go further into the question. "You know what I do. Meeting you," he responded. "That's all? You seem like someone who always has something to do," I shrugged. "Before you, I did. Like hanging out with some guys. The first three months when I turned eighteen I used to visit clubs a lot. I played dodgeball in the school and yeah... I dunno," he explained. "Clubs?" I repeated. "There are a lot of flirty girls... did you hook up with them?", "you got straight to the point, right?" I scoffed. "Whatever."

He handed me the peeled one. "I did." I let go of it. "You can have it." He only laughed a bit. "Not anymore though." He just keeps reminding me what kind of guy he is. "Don't they get mad at you for leaving so fastly?" I confronted him. "They go to clubs for one night stands. Do you really think they really want an honest relationship? Then that's the wrong place for finding such thing." I side eyed him. "And you do it so easily," I mumbled. "Is it upsetting you?" His eyes met mine. "I don't care. I just don't think it's a right thing to do. After so many girls, do you even have any expectations left, or do you just take anyone?" I grumpy questioned. "I didn't go after my preference. I did with you though, if that's what you want to hear," he said. "What I want to hear? Or is it how you really feel... let me get to the point. I never know how you really think about me and I wanna know," I admitted. "Still you wanted to turn this into more." I sighed, "right because I wanted to get to know you better", "and I told you, the book will stay-" I cut him off. "You ain't a book though." I went through my hair. "I'm sorry... I might set my expectations too high in you," I murmured. "You know I won't give you what you want. Still, you want me to be with you. You're selfish even though I said it won't go exactly how you expect it." I faced the side, accepting my upsetting fate. Sometimes it seems as if he sincerely likes me and then again I can't really tell. "We want each other though, so let's just live now and not regarding to what might happen in the future." He pulled me over to him. I only quietly continued to eat. I'm so dumb for letting that slide.

"You're the one who wants attention though. Don't worry, you're easier to read than you think, and I already started to figure your real thoughts and feelings out," I crossed my arms. "Do what you want. It might be a waste of time, though."

Minhos POV

How come you're always so tired after school? I looked down on Taerim, who fell asleep in my arm. We were still somehow sitting while I had pulled her close around her shoulder as she had laid her head against my chest. I enjoyed having her that close. I wanna have her that close every day and every hour... somehow for a longer period of time. "Taerim I-" Her mom's voice immediately got silent after she spotted us. "I guess she's sleepy." I formed a thin smile. Her steps continued. "Mrs. Kim," I called out. She saw this as an ivatation to sit down. "Taerim seems like..." she waited for me to continue. "It seems like she's trying really hard. Not only these days, but always. Whether it's in school or in the restaurant... I've been noticing that. I just feel like, maybe she's searching some affection in return, she seems to look lonely at first," I said. "Lonely? But she has a lot of friends?" Her mom tilted her head confused. "Before I talked to her, I always saw her alone. No matter if it was eating or studying...I came and Akari came, I feel like she still hardly opens up a lot. I was just thinking that maybe family stuff has been pressuring her that it might be hard for her to see her own values." I didn't completely say the truth, but I was trying for her mom to realise that she should acknowledge her daughter more and maybe make sure how much she means to her. Taerims words hurt and especially the way she struggled with these problems as much as I did. I wouldn't want to see someone else I care go through the same.

"I never thought this way. I thought she was doing okay with everything," she admitted. "I guess she wanted to seem okay, but the most important affection a child wants...is actually not from friends, but parents." Was I maybe talking about myself...or just trying to help someone else out, knowing that there at least be a chance left for her since it isn't for me. She needs more appreciation and understanding which I don't get.
She faced Taerim with a sign of guilt in her eyes. "It isn't like I don't want her to receive all that. I'm just having all my hopes in her, that's why I'm sometimes strict. I want her to be good in everything since I can see so much potential in my daughter. Of course I love her, I didn't notice that she may not recognise that." I inhaled deeply. "Well you two will have a lot of time left to fix all that. I'm sorry if I made wrong assumptions, I was just worrying for her," I told her. "Oh Minho it's not your fault. It's all good...I'll get going then." I nodded, giving her a smile.

As soon as she left I looked down on Taerim who almost unnoticeable let a tear escape her eye. "Hm?" I hummed in slight confusion. She slowly opened them, staring forward. "I should've said sorry to her, I should've shown her more, improved more...now I feel bad." She whipped the tear away, sitting up. Never I thought I'd see her cry. She seemed like she thinks such thing is a waste. "I know what you said was to help me... still you didn't have to do it." Her head turned towards me, giving access to gently whipe her mascara with my thumb away. "No need to thank me. I want you two to get along." She switched in between my eyes. "Don't be too nice to me. You'll make me go soft for you." I blinked a few times. "I might be the one turning soft, can't risk that." She huffed at that, "ah yeah, sure." Her smile, her face, her personality all of them were my type. She was perfect for me.

I laid my hand in the back of her head, pulling her forward to kiss her. I just wanted it, no specific reason. Not with the will to make her fall for me even more or to play with her, I just wanted to kiss her. I could feel her hand placing itself on my lifted up arm as she sank into it. I feel it...I can feel the emotion of love for the first time...I can feel my stomach pulling itself together, and I can feel my heartbeat increasing at every single touch I received from her. I lifted my hand up to her cheek, caressing it with my thumb.
I pulled away after letting it last for a few more seconds. She could hardly keep eye contact, while her soft looking lips caught my attention again. "I'm glad I didn't give up on you." She raised the corner of her mouth, sliding her hand back down.

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