Collision || Lee Know

Desperate for each other

"I missed you."

My stomach did a whole flip when hearing his words. I swallowed visibly, breathing deeply in and out before it found its steady pace again. "That's why you came?" I questioned to make sure I heard him right. He fastly blinked. "Huh? I didn't.. I didn't mean to say it." He scratched his head. "I meant to say your noodle soup. I wanna have a bowl. Now." I tilted my head more than irritated. "Soup? Then why are you knocking here? You could've entered through the restaurant then." I made it sound more like a question because I indeed was questioning his answers. "Yeah, I know. It was just so full in there. It felt uncomfortable entering." I shook my head at his behaviour, pulling him inside instead. "If you missed me so much, why don't you spend time with me then?" I suggested. He stared down at me. Since when was he so easily flustered? "I'll make you a bowl. Sit down." He hesitately followed me into the kitchen. If he was going to improvise this way, then he got to go through his acted behaviour. "You don't have to cook the whole thing." I weakly chuckled. "I'm not going to. I'll give you leftovers since you don't feel like entering the restaurant." I poured him some in. "Mh, I didn't want to because I'd have to face your mom. I didn't want to tell her, so I'll tell you. I can't come to the Christmas dinner." I slightly smiled to myself ironicly. "And you think your rejection would affect her more than me?" I turned around, serving him the food. "Enjoy." He stared down at it. "That was actually the only reason I came. I-" I pressed the chopsticks into his hands. "I'll tell her you didn't eat up if you just leave that way." He fastly blinked. "That's not fair." I chuckled. "It's not? I have never been. I guess there's no other escape for you except eating the food then." Have we maybe switched personalities? Felt like it.

"Hey Min," I spoke. He looked up. And he looked up as if nothing had ever happened between us before. As if I'd lean in and peck his cheeks. He'd grin and ask me out on a date afterwards. It wasn't like that, but either way we sat in front of each other. He wasn't on the other side of the world anymore, but so close that I could touch him if I wanted to. But he still wasn't fully there yet. It wasn't the fact that we weren't lovey dovey, but the fact that this Minho was completely lost and gone. I would help him come back. I knew I would. I brushed along his hair with my hand. He remained staring at me as I leaned back again. "Allow me cut it," I requested. "Why hiding your pretty features?" And his staring lasted for a whole while before he placed his chopstick down out of a sudden. He did it with a sharp movement though, which left me tilting my head. "Stop it," he told me. "Stop acting as if nothing happened between us. I don't want that. I don't want you to act as if I wasn't selfish and as if I'm not upsetting you ever since America." My expression softened. "I'm depressed. I was diagnosed." My eyes twitched before my eyebrows furrowed at his sudden confession. "I can't be the one you want me to be and I can't be any soon either. So just do me the favour and leave me alone. I don't want your pity, neither your help. I'm just exhausted. I wanna sleep, but when I lie down, I can't anymore. I'm glad you're good. I planned on staying out of your sight until you'd forget me. If it helps you keep your distance, I'll tell you that I don't wanna date you anymore. I don't want any soup. I can't even bear eating anymore. Why praising myself through it." My chin quivered at his words. And he sounded more upset about them then I could possibly feel. He sounded as if he was absolutely hating what he said. He didn't want to feel that way. He wanted to say that he'll be fine and that we'll be fine.. Together. "Me too.. I can't forget you. I can't even sleep without wasting a thought about you every night. I don't pity you, but feel with you. Because I love you, that's why I feel with you, I can't help it. How could I not worry? How did you ever expect me to forget you? I couldn't. Not now. Not in the future. I always wanted you to get lost as well. I said I didn't want your pity and neither your offers, but I never meant it. You were always right, I wanted you to still stay even if I said the opposite. I thought I was better off alone, but never realised how loneliness hurt. I don't want you to be lonely. I want to be by your side. Die, doing it, together. That's what I promised you and I still mean it. Nothing has changed ever since then." I fastly wiped tears away, but let the last one roll down any way. He should know how much I actually loved him for once. "You giving up on yourself would hurt me. I'd be more affected by it than you think." He painfully broke eyecontact, deeply breathing through. He rubbed his forehead, going through his hair for once. That once was enough for me to finally see his expression properly. He was in pain. I just knew it. "I don't care if you're not the same. Neither if you won't any soon. For me you'll always just be Min. My Minho. And if you don't feel like it anymore then I'll be with you until you'll do again. Let me do that, please. I wanna be here for you right now. I can be, in person." My words were now left out. I attempted to get out the longest and most convincing love letter to him than I could right now. I wanted him to feel my concern. I wanted him to just change his mind.