Collision || Lee Know

overplayed

"I never knew bulgogi could taste that great." I finished up, in the full state I was. "Glad you liked it." I leaned back, scanning his features. "Minho," I caught his attention. "Your birthdays in October..the 25th," I started. "How do you know?", "hm?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, I don't remember ever telling you." I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it again. "I just, I don't know..I just know" He didn't answer, so I continued. "We won't be able to see each other that time..I can't even give you a birthday present," I frowned. His expression switched completely up. It was like he really did not want me to mention. "Just be the first one to congratulate me and I'll be happy. I don't take birthday's that seriously..at least not mine." I licked my lips, continuing my sentence. "I thought maybe...I can come for winter holidays. I saved money these days. That bracelet I wanted to give you, well actually how do I put it...I didn't think you'd leave that soon. I wanted to give it to you as a birthday present then, but then I remembered we won't be able to see each other, so then I can give it to you only on Christmas. I just had to let you know..in case you think I would've forgotten. I really wanna give it to you already...this is really emberassing..I just" his eyes basically spoke the word coldness. So expressionless they stared at me and even his voice sounded that way. "No." I blinked fastly, eyes travelling across his face to find a bit of humanity in it "H-huh?"
"I don't want you to come." I didn't know in which I was supposed to interpret it, I just wanted him to fastly continue so I don't make those words sound too hurtful.
"Do you even know how much a flight costs from Korea to the US? Also the bracelet..." he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Taerim, come on, I don't need it. I'm happy you wear mine, really...but rather just be there and stay with me. I don't like presents..People have been buying things for me since forever and I ended up never being able to pay back. I thought it was normal, but really growing up was realising that I have debts. I'm more enjoying making other people happy with stuff they like, even if it's the simplest..." I tried understanding his view right now, I really did as promised. "You already pay enough and I'm sorry but if you say it like that..like the money comes forced from your side...How am I able to happily receive what you give me, knowing you worked so hard for it and didn't even use it for yourself?" He frowned, emotions suddenly filling his face again. "You'll have to study. Before that do whatever, have fun, find out what life is about and do stuff that I was never able to. When you do all that I'm so much more happier than when you spend money on me," he paused. "I'll come home as often as I possibly can." It's so obvious, the way he's putting us on different places of the society. It was true after all, even though I've always did not want to admit it. It was just hard to face since it was sadly so noticeable in my daily life.
"I wanna spend Christmas here. At your house. I also want to cook for your parents, I need to pay them back for all the food. That couldn't be possible the other way around, right?" I stared forward, not wanting to accept that we wouldn't be able to afford coming to him instead. The way he tried to form it bearable, somehow didn't sound right.

I bit the inside of my cheek, fidgeting with my hands. "But," I started, without thinking much about how to continue. "But..if you, if you feel like you have debts after getting so much paid for you, then you must understand my position too. I feel bad about you spending money on me too, not worthy enough sometimes. No matter how much I try to value it, it just doesn't sit right with me. Other people have no problems with money, others might do...We're different and I've been told that often enough, that's exactly why I don't really want you to clarify it even more. Can't we just act like money isn't a problem.. Just for once. I thought you'd be, well, happy that I'm coming...or some." He closed his eyes, exhaling deeply with an almost tortured face at my words.
"Just don't..pity me now", "I'm not pitying you. I can understand you. If I were in your position," I inhaled sharply, as he noticed. "If I'd be you, I would protest too. I understand." My vision fell onto the table again. "Let's just not talk about money anymore. We can do it my way this year..and next year we'll see how we can plan. I just wanna go back home still this year, that's all."