Collision || Lee Know

Far away, yet so close

Flashback

The two headed home after their small cinema date. Taerim had this one movie she wanted to watch and even though Minho was totally against the idea first, he eventually found joy in her happiness. She tightly held onto his hand as they headed back. It threw him off guard at how clingy she had been today even without a lack of sleep, neither alcohol. Those were usually the only reasons why she wouldn't want to let go of him for once. But even when arriving back at her place she simply stared up to him with a smile. "What is it?" He questioned, analysing her pretty features. "I don't wanna go home yet." He hid the obvious grin appearing on his lips by lowering his head. "You have your history exam tomorrow. You should use the time left to study," he insisted. "Come on. Since when do you care about that so much? I used to always be more interesting than any school books." He definitely couldn't deny that fact. "Let's just go eat something. I'm hungry." She stared up at him with those eyes that expected you to give her the whole world. And he would have right away if he could. "Can't we?" Minho slowly blinked, nodding. "We can." 

Presence 

I rubbed my eyes, giving up on adjusting to the light. If this is what I dream once I finally sleep properly again, I'll just attempt to drift off again. I wish I could have stayed in that dream, but a throbbing headache wouldn't allow me. I reached with my hand towards my phone, checking the time. 2 pm?? How long have I slept? It was nearly four when I fell onto my bed.. "Ten hours," I quietly mumbled, even though I could have exclaimed it from shook. Maybe the reason I slept so well was the call we had. It has somehow cooled down the feeling of being homesick a bit. I said it all without thinking it through. It was just what I felt.. And I just told her. She seemed as if it was going well for her. I was the one wanting her to not worry about me anymore, not spending money for me and living a future she chooses without me having to ruin it. And now I came in just like that and indirectly told her how messed up my life is without her. Now she knew it had really affected me.. Which shouldn't have reached her in first place. My words weren't lied, though some of them only remain blurry yet. My phone vibrated in my hands, so I picked up. "Hm?" I lowered my head onto the pillow again. "Hey, you good? You were so wasted yesterday." I sighed, shutting my eyes. "Guess so. Did you come home well?" I asked. "I should be asking you. You weren't joining the karaoke, but just sat beside shoving glass after glass into you as if you're heartbroken. I insisted for you to take a taxi, but you didn't. I was just hoping you didn't faint or bump into a car mid way," Joowon said. "No, I'm good. Came home safely." I wanted to lower the phone from my ear, but he spoke up again. "Heyy," he started off all soft and concerned. "Lately.. You've been acting all strange. Maybe it's because of the break-up still. I don't know. But you seem so lifeless. You know, I rarely feel like showing how concerned I am, but you actually made me check up on you, that's how bad it is, dude." I listened throughout his words while chewing on the inside of my cheek painfully. What could I say now? No, what could I blame? My mental state? The break-up, which after all, doesn't seem like one? I didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to keep on sleeping now.. Maybe even for a bit longer and maybe even catch up on all the hours of sleep I had missed lately and eventually oversleep the next lessons. "I'm thankful for your concern, but it's all good. You won't have to worry since it's something I have to handle on my own I guess. It's my problem. No, it's a problem I have with myself." It really was. How could I even allow myself such behaviour of mine now? Did I even deserve to feel down? Should I suddenly feel so unmotivated for everything and indeed just pretty lifeless these past days? 

Taerims POV

I just stared at my ceiling. What could or should I be saying? All I knew was that I missed him as much as I told him yesterday. But still, why would he end it and then tell me how he misses me? It left me there frustrated, standing there absolutely stupid if honest. I gave our break the chance, thinking he might need it for himself as well, but I found out that it was only his good will for me. For me to stop spending money, for me to stop spending my time on him and for me to not worry about him, but me instead. He wanted me to build a future apart from worries about him or the constant distance between us, which hurt as soon as I thought about it. But he's the main character in a movie called 'me', so how could I live without wasting a thought about his wellness? I didn't care if we were long distanced if it meant we could stay together.. Even if it was just a call between us before we went to bed. Talking about our day and sharing laughs. I had it for such short period of time, yet it feels like it had never been different. Like there never has been real 'me' before I met him. I got to know my true self due to his presence. As soon as he disappeared I had to find myself once again before I could figure out anything else.