Collision || Lee Know

disappointment

"I don't get it...I've learnt so much for it... so fucking much." I let my head fall down onto the desk, while Akari caressed my back. "You'll do better in the next one, just don't give up," she encouraged me. "That's what I always tell myself, but I still end up with a bad grade," I mumbled. "I know... still it's really so stupid. They keep testing us in everything. They never see the way we had to go, but only the result." I nodded at this. "Right...it's all stupid. I thought I'd make it this time, but everytime I end up with a good feeling, it turns out bad. I should just give up on learning, then my expectations at the end can't even be taken down," I slightly whined. "That's the worst view you could have. Instead look back at what you've done. After all, you understood the topic and were able to achieve at least half of the tasks right. Just work in small steps and don't only rely what you've made wrong. Look at your mistakes in a way of saying yourself you won't do them again." I looked back up. "You're saying this so easy, it makes me believe it is." She tucked a string of hair behind my ear. "Nothing will ever be easy in life. I'm sure even worse things will come. But at the end we have to get used to being tested every day. Our whole life. And we have to make the best out of it, think positive... it's not the end." I sighed. "I'll try to think of it this way. Still...it's upsetting me."

_

"You got your physics exam back, didn't you?" Minho and I have studied on this together. He was trying so hard to make me understand, and I even did but after all, "I fucked up." He watched me closely before inhaling deeply. "Well, that's alright. Then we'll study even harder next time." He laid his arm over my shoulder. "You shouldn't spend too much time on teaching me. Didn't you see? It brings it to nothing." He stopped his steps. "That's not true. Through my lessons you've learned a lot and were able to understand everything better. Just because this happened, doesn't mean that you ain't good. I saw your improvement and I'm sure the teacher did as well. Just don't think too harsh about yourself, you could've done so much worse than that, but didn't. Be happy." School is cruel, but I can't help it. Both of them are right somehow, but after all it's tiring to always come home with the same disappointment. Every time the same result, its upsetting. I feel like my everything I give, still isn't enough. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I thought I did well, my solutions made sense to me, just why didn't they to the school system? What is the mistake I keep on doing... And I don't even wanna see the same hopeless eyes of my parents when they see it, to a point where I might even keep it a secret. Going to school every morning feels like a curse, for some people it's fun, but for me it has always been the worst. I only see frustration in this place and the overplaying by drama in the class is even more acted. Everybody wants to leave school, do their job and at the end have a bit of free time for themselves. Always learing when at the end we don't need all those things anymore in order to live happily.

_

"Your bad mood is making my food inedible," he mumbled since I kept poking with my spoon into the nothing. "Then don't look at me," I grumpy responded. "How am I supposed to when you sit right next to me?" I stood up and slid my tray further away. "I was just kidding." He pulled me back next to him. "Here," he filled the spoon, holding it up. "I can do that myself," I snatched it away. "Then do it. And smile too." I gave him a glance. "You talk about it so easily." He only sighed. "I don't. School is pressuring me too, you know why," he said. "But still good grades come out," I told him. "Yeah, but do you see my parents being happy about it?" He questioned. "no", "so that means you ain't alone. I only disappoint, you only disappoint. Let's do it together." I let out a huff. "You really don't have a talent for cheering people up." He pointed at my face. "It worked though." Minho ruffled my hair. "Don't be resentful. After all, it's a waste of time."

_

A day passed by. By the time being, I felt more convinced that I could do better. I took this result in a way of seeing that I should be even more ambitious and hard-working.
"Taerim," a well-known voice spoke up behind me. "What is it?" I turned to face him. "My parents aren't home today, wanna come over?" Oh no, the way I could hear his smirk behind this sentence. I faced him suspicious. "We're together. You wanted us to. What are you afraid of?" I shook my thoughts off. "I dunno if I have time though," I answered. "You always have time for me." His hand brushed against mine while walking. "That's what you said." But honestly. His parents aren't home, and I'm supposed to come over? You'd usually say red alarm at that.